ClackPartyof5
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First of all, this is going to be a very detailed and long-winded explanation of the events that has lead me to reach out and ask if its I that is being disrespectful or my mother in law, and its all started when I found out that my husband and I are having a girl for our 3rd child.
My MIL and I have pretty much always have had a great and open relationship from day one. She's always been fair and has never made it out to be where her son was a golden child who never made mistakes. What few issues we have had, have been dealt with and confronted like adults and arrived at a mutual resolution. That is up until the middle of March when we found out the sex of my 3rd child. Its a girl!!
So of course, in the age of social media, once all of our close family members were notified, I announced on fb we were expecting a little girl. When I had posted it, I had choose to leave the baby's name out of it because at that time I had yet spoke with my husband about the name I had come up with. I've decided to keep the name unknown now because of the slight possibility my MIL could come across this particular question because thats just my luck. lol But within minutes of posting to facebook, my MIL comments basically saying that she has not had a baby named after her. Other than my 3 children, she has 2 other grandchildren by her other son, which neither is named after her. I immediately felt like it was uncalled for. I didn't fly off the handle, but by the time we read her comment, my husband and I had already settled on a name, just hadnt revealed it yet. So instead of assuming she was being serious, I asked my husband to call her to see if maybe she was joking....and she wasn't. Its not that my MIL's name is ugly or weird, its just that I'm not keen on either of her names. My husband did say that "she's just going to have to get over it and its our choice anyways". I'm sure parents that are reading this know what I mean when you find a name for your child, that its THE name for your child. It just felt right and by the time my husband called her the next day, my oldest child whos not even in kindergarten yet, had already come up with the cutest little nickname for her baby sister and its not going to change.
Let me just state for the record that my other two children have names from her side of the family. My oldest (girl) is named after my father who passed right before I became pregnant and her father (my MIL's son, obviously), my second (son) is named after my MIL's late husband AND my MIL's father, and the name for my third child (girl) will have a name that is for my MIL's mother and my mom (although the name is exactly written and spelled like my MIL's mother, it just so happens to also be similar to my mom's name.) My third child's middle name is after no one, its my freebie, and its a name I've always wanted to use. Anyways so you can see that every one of our children are named for people from her family and she does not know that Im also saying this child will also include a family name of mine/my mom's. This all happened before I could ever felt comfortable enough to tell her my unborn daughter's name.
Well a few days had passed and I literally could not keep my new daughter's name a secret and announced on fb. At this time, my husband had told his mother on 2 different occasions we would not be using either of her names. Then, what once was a great "friendship" on fb where she liked/commented/posted on my fb multiple times throughout the day/week went to ZERO notifications from her as well as everytime I would log on to fb, she would immediately log off on chat. I know this sounds so petty and childish, but being she lives 3 hours away and I have very little time to chat with her, fb was how we communicated on a daily basis. She no longer shares interest in my posts about my unborn daughter nor my other 2 children and I post alot of pictures of my kids and the new crazy things they do not only for her but for other family considering I moved 2 hours away. Now that its more than just the name and lack of fb communication, what very very few comments (2-4) she has made on my fb have been snappy and rude. One she was upset that I had bought a toy for my daughter that she had purchased (2nd hand) a few months earlier. It was a toy along the same type, but the one I bought (2nd hand as well) worked much better and actually doesn't die as quick and its alot bigger. My husband confronted her on this as well and she plays it up like she meant no harm and she wasn't trying to be rude, but he basically called her out on her bullsh*t.
So fast forward to this weekend, while my husband was confronting her about the rude comments and lack of communication with me, she refers to my unborn child by a name that she has come up with that is using the first name my husband and i agreed up (also my MIL's mothers name) and instead of using what is actually going to be my daughter's middle name, she says HER middle name instead. My husband just chuckled nervously like it was a joke and if looks could kill, he would of dropped dead! Instantly I was pissed and almost jerked the phone out of his hands to tell her "Hell No!" but I do not want anymore drama than there is. I calmly told him later that day, that she's not to mention the name around me nor on FB where I can see it. I'd love to say she can't call her that at all, but who am I to try and control someone.
So this finally leads me to my question, am I being disrespectful by getting so irritated and upset or is she? I, on the other hand, have not stopped communicating with her on fb mainly bc I don't want her to see how upset I really am and I don't want to pull my husband in the middle of this, but I'm reaching my point where I may end up saying or doing something I may regret. I should also add, that this will be her last grandchild being that this is my 3rd c-section as well and have had major complications with both previous births. Her other son and wife have chose to only have 2 and will not have anymore.
I just hope however her and I repair our relationship, its soon. I feel as if she is being petty and vindictive by also planning a trip to see her son during the same month I'm due. Being that she's on a fixed income, I'm afraid that if she uses her money on the trip, she will not have the funds to come visit when our daughter is born. If that does come to pass, I know for a fact she will hurt her son to the point where he will not have anything to do with her because he feels as if she's been doing these things out of spite for the fact we will NOT be naming our child after her.
I appreciate whomever has decided to read down this far into my question and I appreciate all and any advice. I really want to call her and talk to her about all this. I'm just not the type of person to hide behind a text message or a computer screen, I'm just not sure on how to approach such a fragile situation..........
My MIL and I have pretty much always have had a great and open relationship from day one. She's always been fair and has never made it out to be where her son was a golden child who never made mistakes. What few issues we have had, have been dealt with and confronted like adults and arrived at a mutual resolution. That is up until the middle of March when we found out the sex of my 3rd child. Its a girl!!
So of course, in the age of social media, once all of our close family members were notified, I announced on fb we were expecting a little girl. When I had posted it, I had choose to leave the baby's name out of it because at that time I had yet spoke with my husband about the name I had come up with. I've decided to keep the name unknown now because of the slight possibility my MIL could come across this particular question because thats just my luck. lol But within minutes of posting to facebook, my MIL comments basically saying that she has not had a baby named after her. Other than my 3 children, she has 2 other grandchildren by her other son, which neither is named after her. I immediately felt like it was uncalled for. I didn't fly off the handle, but by the time we read her comment, my husband and I had already settled on a name, just hadnt revealed it yet. So instead of assuming she was being serious, I asked my husband to call her to see if maybe she was joking....and she wasn't. Its not that my MIL's name is ugly or weird, its just that I'm not keen on either of her names. My husband did say that "she's just going to have to get over it and its our choice anyways". I'm sure parents that are reading this know what I mean when you find a name for your child, that its THE name for your child. It just felt right and by the time my husband called her the next day, my oldest child whos not even in kindergarten yet, had already come up with the cutest little nickname for her baby sister and its not going to change.
Let me just state for the record that my other two children have names from her side of the family. My oldest (girl) is named after my father who passed right before I became pregnant and her father (my MIL's son, obviously), my second (son) is named after my MIL's late husband AND my MIL's father, and the name for my third child (girl) will have a name that is for my MIL's mother and my mom (although the name is exactly written and spelled like my MIL's mother, it just so happens to also be similar to my mom's name.) My third child's middle name is after no one, its my freebie, and its a name I've always wanted to use. Anyways so you can see that every one of our children are named for people from her family and she does not know that Im also saying this child will also include a family name of mine/my mom's. This all happened before I could ever felt comfortable enough to tell her my unborn daughter's name.
Well a few days had passed and I literally could not keep my new daughter's name a secret and announced on fb. At this time, my husband had told his mother on 2 different occasions we would not be using either of her names. Then, what once was a great "friendship" on fb where she liked/commented/posted on my fb multiple times throughout the day/week went to ZERO notifications from her as well as everytime I would log on to fb, she would immediately log off on chat. I know this sounds so petty and childish, but being she lives 3 hours away and I have very little time to chat with her, fb was how we communicated on a daily basis. She no longer shares interest in my posts about my unborn daughter nor my other 2 children and I post alot of pictures of my kids and the new crazy things they do not only for her but for other family considering I moved 2 hours away. Now that its more than just the name and lack of fb communication, what very very few comments (2-4) she has made on my fb have been snappy and rude. One she was upset that I had bought a toy for my daughter that she had purchased (2nd hand) a few months earlier. It was a toy along the same type, but the one I bought (2nd hand as well) worked much better and actually doesn't die as quick and its alot bigger. My husband confronted her on this as well and she plays it up like she meant no harm and she wasn't trying to be rude, but he basically called her out on her bullsh*t.
So fast forward to this weekend, while my husband was confronting her about the rude comments and lack of communication with me, she refers to my unborn child by a name that she has come up with that is using the first name my husband and i agreed up (also my MIL's mothers name) and instead of using what is actually going to be my daughter's middle name, she says HER middle name instead. My husband just chuckled nervously like it was a joke and if looks could kill, he would of dropped dead! Instantly I was pissed and almost jerked the phone out of his hands to tell her "Hell No!" but I do not want anymore drama than there is. I calmly told him later that day, that she's not to mention the name around me nor on FB where I can see it. I'd love to say she can't call her that at all, but who am I to try and control someone.
So this finally leads me to my question, am I being disrespectful by getting so irritated and upset or is she? I, on the other hand, have not stopped communicating with her on fb mainly bc I don't want her to see how upset I really am and I don't want to pull my husband in the middle of this, but I'm reaching my point where I may end up saying or doing something I may regret. I should also add, that this will be her last grandchild being that this is my 3rd c-section as well and have had major complications with both previous births. Her other son and wife have chose to only have 2 and will not have anymore.
I just hope however her and I repair our relationship, its soon. I feel as if she is being petty and vindictive by also planning a trip to see her son during the same month I'm due. Being that she's on a fixed income, I'm afraid that if she uses her money on the trip, she will not have the funds to come visit when our daughter is born. If that does come to pass, I know for a fact she will hurt her son to the point where he will not have anything to do with her because he feels as if she's been doing these things out of spite for the fact we will NOT be naming our child after her.
I appreciate whomever has decided to read down this far into my question and I appreciate all and any advice. I really want to call her and talk to her about all this. I'm just not the type of person to hide behind a text message or a computer screen, I'm just not sure on how to approach such a fragile situation..........
