Miscarriage, what was it like? Back to LTTTC for me... well, in a few months anyway

[Lues]

Scan at 6 weeks two days saw a heartbeat. Scan at 7 weeks 3 days did not.

Apparently the sac stopped growing at about 6 weeks 5 or 6 days. And it was no longer symmetrical (which theoretically can possibly be a sign of a chromosomal abnormality?).

So incomparably sad and exhausted. My whole body aches and my throat literally hurts from crying.

This was our first BFP after almost 3 years of trying. But the doctor said that one miscarriage does NOT increase our chances of a future miscarriage. At all. (I'm 32)

I do trust them. But that seems SO hard to believe.

Going to try to let it pass naturally. I am on progesterone supplements so i stopped them of course. It could be a few days, or it could be a week or so before it "passes". that seems so incredibly long. it seems simply impossible that I'll feel any better before that is over.

I'm not sure what to expect. I know it's different for everyone.

I'm not sure why i'm writing this post. I guess I'm trying to let it sink in for myself. I know I will be okay eventually. We will get through this.

And now... at least we know that I am CAPABLE of getting pregnant. And we know what combination of interventions seemed to help. (IUI and the proper progesterone)

I'm theoretically trying to focus on that. That within 3-4 months I'll probably be able to try again (AFTER two cycles, and I have long cycles and expect the process of expelling what's currently still there to take a while). And hopefully within 6 or so months of trying again, I'll be back on the pregnant board.

But for now, this is where I'm at. I'm a ball of painfully tense muscles with an aching heart and horribly swollen eyes and throat.

I know that many of you have been here and unfortunately, can relate.

I'd be interested in your physical experiences of miscarriage, what it was like for you and if there was anything you wish you knew beforehand.

If any of you had to stop taking progesterone to have the miscarriage pass, I'd be interested to know how long it took.

I realize both of those questions vary drastically for different people. But I just have NO idea what to expect.

I am sorry for everyone's loss to anyone who can relate enough to have answers to those questions. And I appreciate your support.

 

[His Princess]

So sorry to hear that you're going through this Lues. Unfortunately, I know just how heartbreaking it is.

My DH and I started TTC at the start of 2011 and after 18+ months with no success, we were eventually referred for fertility testing. After trying Clomid etc., we started our first round of IVF in January 2014. We were over the moon when we got a BFP, only to be told that I'd had a MMC at my first scan. The baby has passed the week before and I'd had no signs of anything being wrong That was on 5th April. As the sac had already started to break down, they told me that it wouldn't take very long for me to miscarry. In order to avoid compromising my fertility any further, I was told to stop the progesterone and await a natural MC. I started spotting 4 days later and assumed that was the start of it. Unfortunately, it took a lot longer. By 28th April, I was really struggling emotionally and booked an appointment with my GP to discuss treatment options. I was referred to my local EPAU and was told to expect to receive a call within 48 hours.

In the early hours of 30th April, I woke up with bad back and stomach pain. The pains continued throughout the night and at around 8am, I felt the need to run to the toilet. As I got out of bed, I felt my baby slip away. My doctor had told me that I would know once I had passed the baby but I wasn't at all prepared for what I would see, given that I was so early into my pregnancy. What I saw was a gestational sac, with my baby inside. I found the whole thing pretty traumatic and wish I had been more prepared for what was going to happen. That being said, I don't regret not undergoing medical/surgical management as in my mind, I kept my baby with me until the end and let my baby slip away when they were ready. Ironically, I received a call from the EPAU an hour or so after I'd lost the baby, to discuss treatment options.

Six months after my MC, I started my second round of IVF treatment. Fortunately, we once again got a BFP and I'm now 36 weeks pregnant. It hasn't been an easy ride and I don't think I'll complete relax until my boy is here.

I hope nothing I've said has upset you. I just wanted to send you hugs and tell you not to give up hope. I know it's difficult now but all I can say is; take the time you need, be kind to yourself, and share your feelings with your partner. Thinking of you

 

[Lues]

thanks. I really appreciate all that.

Doesn't upset me at all, it's why I asked! I know it can take a while, and that everyone is different. I greatly appreciate you sharing your story with me.

I know that I will be okay eventually. This is not the end of my story.

I am thrilled for you that your pregnancy has gone well so far, and I understand your continual fear. I wish you all the best in your last numbers of weeks. I'm sure that meeting your little one face to face will make every tear worth it.

 

[melfy77]

So sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how painful it must be to lose that baby after trying for so long I had 2 natural miscarriages (I was 26 then) before having my first daughter but was not on progesterone they put me on it when I got pregnant with DD1. It was painful but regular strenght Advil did the trick. Funny thing my first MC was a heavy period and my 2nd one was way lighter even though I was further along (I saw the heartbeat at 6 weeks and lost the baby 5 days later, but was expecting it since hcg levels were not good at all).I also remember we never waited to TTC after the miscarriages since there was no complication. But you have to be ready☺

 

[minimoocow]

So sorry for your loss. Your story sounds quite similar to mine. One thing you may find if you tell people about your miscarriage is that people want to share their stories. There is a world of unspoken pain out there. I had ladies in their 60s and 70s telling me about the children they had lost. This might be at a time when you can't deal with it however as you are asking for stories I have shared mine below (feel free to save for another time if you want). Also there is lots of TMI so apologies but you did ask for physically stuff!

We have been TTC since Dec 2011. I had one early MC at 4 weeks 5 days on the 2nd month of trying which we though signalled that getting pregnant would happen easily but not so! We kept trying and had a 2nd miscarriage in October 2013 this time at 5 weeks. After that we had a bit of a break and sought some fertility advice which found that my progesterone dropped quite quickly in the second stage of my cycle with my post ov phase being only 9 days. So I was also on progesterone supplements.

This time we conceived naturally with the help of HCG shots and progesterone suppositories but I went for a scan at 6 weeks 4 days and was told no heartbeat and only measured 5 weeks something. I knew it couldn't be as we hadn't DTD at that time (or since!). Told to come back in a couple of weeks for another scan and was then told there had been no growth and it was a MMC. I decided to opt for a D&C because my second MC was horrible and went on for 9 weeks with heavy bleeding on and off. That time around they were concerned about it being ectopic as my levels weren't falling and I was given medical management which didn't do anything so I thought this time a D&C would be quicker.

I was referred to the hospital on the Thursday and got an appointment for first thing Monday. Stopped taking progesterone on Thursday. Had some light cramping and spotting on and off Thurs/Fri. My body had other ideas and on Saturday I started with heavy cramping. Took some pain killer which did nothing and called EPU who confirmed that they couldn't get me in for an appointment until Monday but if I felt the pain was too much or I needed to come in I could but I preferred to wait it out at home.

I call DH at work and told him I was cramping but ok. An hour later I called him back and told him to to come home which he did and sat with me for a bit. I felt incredibly uncomfortable and couldn't get into a position that felt ok. There was lots of pressure in my abdomen that made laying on my back bad. In the end I felt that getting onto all fours and rocking over a bean bag was the way to go. I felt something come out and stood up to go to the bathroom and it all fell out (sorry if TMI). I checked it over and it looked like it contained tissue. I was fairly certain it had passed as I immediately felt better. (Not fab but much better than I had). I said on the toilet for a bit and lots of blood started running out. I found it helped to slow it down to put a pad on and lie down for a bit. I was scanned on Monday and confirmed it was complete so no need for the D&C! I got a really good nurse who immediately referred me to the recurrent miscarriage clinic so will be getting some testing in a few weeks when hormones have settled down.

My previous MC happened on a Thursday. I woke up in the morning after spotting the previous day, went to the toilet and passed a large clot which I assumed was it so didn't think much of it but then on the Sunday I was moving some tables and lots of massive clots and blood started gushing out. I had to change pads every time a clot came out as they were so big. One clot seemed to get stuck so I pulled it gently but I think it snapped and might have been the cause of my problems. I didn't know about EPU at that time and assumed the Drs wouldn't be open so left it until the following Thursday at which point I was still bleeding really back and my DH had enough and bundled me in the car to take to the walk in centre. They found that there was a bit of something still inside so gave me tablets and monitored by blood. That was why it took 9 weeks.

So my top tips are:

Don't carry anything heavy for a few weeks
Get yourself well stocked with pads and painkillers. I went through a packet of pads in a day so get more than you need!
Don't pull anything hanging out (sorry that is so gross but I think it was the cause of another 8 weeks of hell for me to if it spares someone else its all good)
Be prepared to feel really weak afterwards. I went back to work after a week (2 days of waiting for it to happen and 4 days post MC) and was ok with that but they did say 2 weeks post might be needed. I felt really drained and lethargic. I did find work helped but do whatever you feel best.
Your hormones might make you act/feel weird. It will pass. Obviously a month on I still feel sad about it but it is bearable an I feel I have other things in my life besides the MC.
If you want the remains examined/tested call the EPU straightway when you pass them. I didn't because I was ok and it was a Saturday. Instead I put them in the freezer thinking this would preserve them but it had the opposite effect. (Again sorry TMI) In the event I got to keep them and bury them rather than them be incinerated in hospital but I it would have helped with trying again if any issues could be found.

I hope some of that helps. Be gentle with yourself. It will get better but you have to get through this process first.

 

[Lues]

Thanks. I've very grateful for your stories and tips.

I am starting to have some cramps today, but they're significantly higher that I would expect. They're at my mid abdomen, my stomach really. Almost like when food sits uncomfortably... but not quite. Anyone have any thoughts on that? What the cramps felt like specifically?

So maybe that's just stress (or gas). Or maybe I'll have signs of bleeding soon, even just spotting.

I do feel a bit better today. Better than the puddle I was yesterday anyway. I know it's going to get worse before it REALLY gets better. But I'm trying to appreciate the less crappy days when I have them.

Again, thanks for being there ladies. It's incredibly helpful for me.

 

[minimoocow]

Hi Lues

How are you doing today? I didn't have the cramps you describe with any of my MC but do sometimes have something similar with a heavy AF. If you are worried though call your GP or EPU.

Hugs

Mini x

 

[swimmyj1]

sending thought and prayers your way. My cramps started actually a lot like yours during my MC. I believe after a few days went by they started to move lower, I only took Advil for the pain. But I defiantly agree don't do any heavy lifting or use tampons (i admit I was a moron and tried).

Hang in there hun

 

[flou]

I am so sorry for your loss and for the losses of the ladies who have shared their story. Here is mine which I hope gives you some hope.

We started ttc in April 2011. After just over a year with no success me and my DH went for testing. I was ovulating and DH's SA was normal. We were then referred to a FS. Whilst waiting for an appointment and after 19 months ttc we got our first bfp. We were thrilled but unfortunately at 6 weeks we lost our first angel. I was devastated. The physical pain was one thing but I was not prepared for the emotional pain which followed. I also remember feeling extremely drained and tired. After a week I returned to work only to find out one of my colleagues announced that she was 12 weeks pregnant. The staffroom was obsessed with her pregnancy and I watched her bump grow, knowing I should have been only 6 weeks after her made the emotional recovery after my mc harder. But it did get easier with time. We had also had our appointment with the FS who fobbed us off slightly and told us to come back in a year.

Then 11 months ttc I found out I was pg for the second time. I took comfort in statistics that only 8% of people have a second mc. Unfortunately again at 6 weeks I lost my second angel. I did feel more prepared but I did question whether I could continue this journey. We went back to the FS and had some more tests who said our fertility was fine but we could have a recurrent mc problem. But they couldn't investigate until I had experienced another mc. I felt like I was ttc to have another mc. Then in July 2014 and only 7 months ttc, and before my would have been due date, I got my third bfp. I was a nervous and emotional wreck, convinced I would experience another mc. I past the sixth week and I had a reassurance scan at 7 weeks. And it was then I saw the heartbeat. I cried and the scan and couldn't believe what I was seeing. I felt more positive but I was still anxious as I knew it could still go wrong. I had my scan at 12 weeks and my baby was still there, healthy and moving. As I approached my next scan at 20 weeks my anxiety rose. But all was fine and I found out I was having a boy! Throughout my pregnancy I worried and I had to make an effort to relax and enjoy. He was born at 41 weeks. I had a difficult birth for a number of reasons but he was healthy. My little rainbow is now 3 and half months old and currently lying next to me in bed. I went through a lot, both physically and emotionally to get him. But now I wouldn't change it as I wouldn't have had him.

Some advice I would give to you is be kind to yourself and forgive yourself. Its ok to have the bad days but try to keep the hope. And I hope you get your rainbow soon.

 

[lisap2008]

So sorry for your loss I have suffered two losses myself .I had a tubal reversal in 2007 ,which was successful , started trying right away but no pregnancy until I met my current husband in 2008 first clomid cycle and correct timing + instead cups worked I was so over the moon to be pregnant as was he to have his first child. I carried only till 5 weeks then tests went negative and started to miscarry I was so scared of the pain as I dident know what to expect had never miscarried on my own before. but it was not much more painful then a normal AF for me. and after about a week of crying I came out of it hopeful I can get pregnant and TTC again straight after helped me too.

We tried for rainbow baby for a year again ,went in for testing and found out my husband has slight low counts ,but continued trying despite the odds and had no luck till 2010 when I couldn't take the failure every month anymore so we took a break I lost alot of weight and started getting sick one night after seafood (strange for me) then extreme fatigue hit me like a brick and I decided to test and to my surprise two lines showed up , I didn't believe it so tested again twice , both positive tested again the next day positive again , continued testing faint positive for almost a week, then once again the tests went negative and started miscarrying ,again it gave me hope it could happen naturally so we have been trying since then with no luck yet .

I hope that your rainbow baby is around the corner.

 

[firsttimer123]

Hey lue, just some advice from my experience with mmc. I had a mmc this December trying to concieve my first, and like you I wanted it to happen nAturally, I was 10 weeks at the time and took misoprostal. I had extreme prolonged bleeding for 3 months and finally my ob had me do a dc. I have still not become pregnant since and strongly believe it is because my hormones r so out of whack from the prolonged bleeding and elevated hormone levels for so long. In hindsight I wish I had of went ahead with a dc to begin with I think I would e much further ahead in my ttc journey. Good luck!