Missed miscarriage at 11 weeks

[IzzyNC]

Hoping to find some people who have gone through something similar - I surprisingly found out I was pregnant with baby #3 (I have 21 month old twin girls) - we were not actively trying and I hadn't been off birth control for that long. But we got a surprise BFP! Everything looked great, perfect heartbeat of 170, at my 8 week scan. Then I started brown spotting at 11+3, went in to the doctor the next day and they did a scan. There was no heartbeat and the baby was measuring about 8 weeks 3 days. I can't believe I was carrying around a dead baby for 3 weeks, ignorantly thinking I was pregnant. We were preparing our cute pregnancy announcement. I just am so heart broken. I never thought something like this could happen to me. I keep thinking, what did I do wrong? Did I drink too much coffee? Was it the Benadryl I was taking to help me sleep? I just feel like such a failure, and like that was our last chance. We had to do Femara+IUI to get pregnant with the girls, and we never imagined we could get pregnant on our own. Maybe we really can't:/ I just can't shake this empty, sad feeling. I know I have so much to be thankful for, being that I have 2 healthy baby girls. This is a feeling I just don't know how to deal with..

 

[Starlight2012]

hi there, I am so sorry for your loss. I am going through a pretty similar situation right now so perhaps we can keep one another company. We found out a couple of months ago that we were expecting our second child, which came as a real surprise as we went through IVF with our little girl, so never thought we could conceive on our own. At 6 and 9 weeks we had an ultrasound which were great and showed a strong heartbeat for 170. This weekend I experienced a bit of spotting and went in for a scan today - and I am 11 weeks today but sadly the baby was only measuring less than 9 weeks and no heartbeat....I was absolutely devastated. My husband as well. My thoughts are with you and hope that you are doing okay. What will you do as next steps? As per our doctors suggestions, we decided to go with a mini D&C procedure, which will be sometime over the next week...I am back at work right now trying to distract myself a bit but having a tough time.

 

[Starlight2012]

PS you didn't do anything wrong. Just bad luck for us both. xxoo

 

[george83]

You didn't do anything wrong sweetie, life is just to cruel at times. I've never been through the heartbreak of struggling to conceive so I cant inagine how doubly hard this must be for you. I have come out the other side of a mmc though and with time it does get easier. Mine was nearly 3 years ago and I still have days when it's all I can think about so the pain never totally goes but your baby becomes a part of who you are.

Thinking of you both and your precious babies x x

 

[IzzyNC]

hi there, I am so sorry for your loss. I am going through a pretty similar situation right now so perhaps we can keep one another company. We found out a couple of months ago that we were expecting our second child, which came as a real surprise as we went through IVF with our little girl, so never thought we could conceive on our own. At 6 and 9 weeks we had an ultrasound which were great and showed a strong heartbeat for 170. This weekend I experienced a bit of spotting and went in for a scan today - and I am 11 weeks today but sadly the baby was only measuring less than 9 weeks and no heartbeat....I was absolutely devastated. My husband as well. My thoughts are with you and hope that you are doing okay. What will you do as next steps? As per our doctors suggestions, we decided to go with a mini D&C procedure, which will be sometime over the next week...I am back at work right now trying to distract myself a bit but having a tough time.

That does sound so similar to my situation:/ I'm so sorry for your loss. I actually already had a D&C this past Tuesday. My husband and I have talked and we want to try again as soon as possible. This pregnancy was such a surprise, but it made us both realize that we are ready to try again. I know in my head that I didn't do anything wrong, but I can't help feeling this tremendous sense of guilt..luckily my husband has been so supportive and has just let me cry and feel what I feel. I know I just need to work through these emotions. And I think working is good - I have been back to work too. Luckily, recovering from the D&C was very easy, and my bleeding has pretty much stopped already. So that's good. I didnt have very much cramping afterwards, either. What are your plans for going forward?

 

[bazzb]

Same thing happened to be in 2012 all ok on scan at 6 weeks 3 days (scan due to brown spotting) scan at 11+3 reveals baby died a few days after my 6 week scan! I was carrying a dead baby for 5 weeks and I had no idea

You didn't do anything wrong Hun but it does suck xx Lots of love your way

 

[Starlight2012]

Izzy- I am glad that you're procedure went well. I am waiting to get the call to schedule mine. I am hoping that it is soon so that we can get a little closure as if feels weird to continue to carry around the baby when I know it has passed. I went to work yesterday afternoon after finding out the news as I had to pick up a few things and ended up crying like 10x which is tough as I am not usually very emotional and also very private with those types of things. My husband has been great and reallyasupportive although I can see it is really hard on him too. Similar to you, while this was a surprise it made us realize how much we would like to add another to our family. Our daughter is 22 months old so similar age to your little ones before we can try again, our doctor suggested we have tests done to see if there is a reason for the miscarriages - we had a chemical in 2011, miscarriage at 6 weeks this past summer, then this one at 11 weeks. The thought of doing more testing doesn't seem very desirable but it makes sense, so will look go schedule that after the D&C. Today I decided to work from home so I think that will be a good day to recoup. A tough thing is that we already announced our pregnancy to family, friends, work...which I now regret, but tough conversations to have as I just end up crying and being embarrassed, although I know it is okay! I think a little bit of time with help. How are you doing today??

 

[faithforbaby]

I am so sorry hun. I just had a miscarriage in October. We were just about eight weeks along and I started spotting the day before my first ultrasound to check the heartbeat. I miscarried as I was walking into the appointment. It was so absolutely devastating. Like you, I kept asking myself if I did something wrong. Did I stress? Did I drink too much coffee? did I exercise too much? I still feel that way at times, but I am dealing with it day by day. I wish you all the comfort that you need, and good luck in your trying efforts again!

 

[Trying4first1]

So sorry for your loss. Please dont ever think that you did anything wrong. I am going brought my 3rd miscarriage with no living children and I felt so guilty after my second loss. But now its happened a third time i won't think any less of myself. It is not my fault I did all I can. Took my vits ate the right foods etc. I just can't carry a baby for some reason, that will now be investigated further. But it's not my fault. Something is biologically wrong it's not down to me as a person.

Also it's sucks knowing you were carrying a dead baby around, but you were not to know. I also have had a missed MC and had no idea. Our bodies still act like they are pregnant. So cruel and unfair.

Time is a great healer and that's what has helped me in the past.

Just take time for yourself and do what you need to do in order to help yourself recover

 

[IzzyNC]

I'm so sorry it has taken me forever to respond...thank you for your kind words. It's been 2 weeks now and I'm doing a little better each day. My husband and I are trying to focus on being excited about trying again. We realize how much we want to add another little one to our family as well. It will make life even more crazy but I know it would be such a blessing. And I want so badly for my girls to be big sisters and to experience that. I'm hoping AF shows soon so that we can start TTCing again. Today was a little slap in the face - I got the pathology report from my D&C and it said "no fetal parts were identifiable". That just makes me even more sad, like my baby wasn't even there:/ It is closure, but it's sad. Have you scheduled or had your D&C yet? I hope everything it going ok for you....hugs...

Izzy- I am glad that you're procedure went well. I am waiting to get the call to schedule mine. I am hoping that it is soon so that we can get a little closure as if feels weird to continue to carry around the baby when I know it has passed. I went to work yesterday afternoon after finding out the news as I had to pick up a few things and ended up crying like 10x which is tough as I am not usually very emotional and also very private with those types of things. My husband has been great and reallyasupportive although I can see it is really hard on him too. Similar to you, while this was a surprise it made us realize how much we would like to add another to our family. Our daughter is 22 months old so similar age to your little ones before we can try again, our doctor suggested we have tests done to see if there is a reason for the miscarriages - we had a chemical in 2011, miscarriage at 6 weeks this past summer, then this one at 11 weeks. The thought of doing more testing doesn't seem very desirable but it makes sense, so will look go schedule that after the D&C. Today I decided to work from home so I think that will be a good day to recoup. A tough thing is that we already announced our pregnancy to family, friends, work...which I now regret, but tough conversations to have as I just end up crying and being embarrassed, although I know it is okay! I think a little bit of time with help. How are you doing today??

 

[IzzyNC]

I am so sorry, also, for your losses. I feel bad now complaining about my situation, when there are people like you out there hoping for #1. I know you will get your rainbow baby...hugs to you..

So sorry for your loss. Please dont ever think that you did anything wrong. I am going brought my 3rd miscarriage with no living children and I felt so guilty after my second loss. But now its happened a third time i won't think any less of myself. It is not my fault I did all I can. Took my vits ate the right foods etc. I just can't carry a baby for some reason, that will now be investigated further. But it's not my fault. Something is biologically wrong it's not down to me as a person.

Also it's sucks knowing you were carrying a dead baby around, but you were not to know. I also have had a missed MC and had no idea. Our bodies still act like they are pregnant. So cruel and unfair.

Time is a great healer and that's what has helped me in the past.

Just take time for yourself and do what you need to do in order to help yourself recover