Mixed feelings toward OH..(rant)

[Soon2be2]

I'm hoping it's just the hormones acting up, but I can't help feeling like OH just doesn't seem interested in this baby.

With my first, he was working shift work at a local factory, I was off on sick leave and even with being extremely exhausted he helped whenever he could was there to feel a kick whenever he got the chance or would even just sit there and talk to the bubs.

But with this one its so different. He only works 2 days a week and their maybe 6 hour shifts. I've been written on to stress leave again and I'm labelled as high risk. It's a task enough to stand for longer then 5 minutes. But I'm expected to do everything. The cooking, the cleaning, taking care of DD. He says since he's the one working I should do it all.
And he just doesn't seem interested in this baby. Hasn't been to a single appointment, not a single ultrasound and I think he's maybe felt her kick once.

I just feel like I'm at my wits end with him right now.

 

[BethMaassen]

I feel like I am not really qualified to give advice, seeing as my husband and I are on the brink of divorce with his BS.

However, he doesn't sound interested at all. And as for him working so you should do everything, that is BS, especially if he is only working 2 days a week.
But I can understand your frustration. I too would be there. And I am sure hormones have little to do with it.

 

[TeddysGirl]

Can't offer any advice sorry. By my OH is the same. This is our first.

When baby is kicking I tell him and he puts his hand on my belly (on the rare occasion he isn't on his computer) and as soon as he feels him he takes his hand away. He won't talk to the baby and he won't go baby shopping with me. It's making me really upset. This is meant to be a really exciting time and he is putting a damper on it !

 

[jlw617]

I'm sorry you're going through this, I think it's very difficult for men to understand what we are going through physically and the toll it takes on our bodies. Is there any way to every once in a while hint at it like "wow today I read that at this point in my pregnancy..." And give some sort of interesting fact about how hard your body is working? Also maybe if you feel comfortable, you could tell your ob/midwife how you're feeling and give them a heads up that you'd maybe like them to say something to your oh and ask him to attend your next appointment and just tell him how much it would mean to you or play dumb and just ask questions in front of him to your ob/midwife like "I've been really out of breath lately/getting really exhausted lately taking care of dd and doing the house work...is this normal?" Most likely if you have a half decent care provider, they'll tell you to rest more because you're body is doing so much, then he will have to face the facts and help out more.

 

[flowergirl7]

Yeah, he needs to help out more. From the way it sounds you're the only one working a full time job. Being a stay at home mom is a lot of work. Some days are easier than others but there's always something that needs to be done. It's a never ending battle. My dh works 5 12 hour shifts a week and someone's a 5 to 6 hour shift in Saturday and he know he still needs to help out. He's not so helpful with the cleaning but he will help if I ask. I mostly expect him to help with the baby while I get dinner ready or clean the bathroom or fold laundry. Just the little things help and are so important. The extra stress on you and your body isn't fair. It takes a lot of energy to grow baby. I hope he comes around.

 

[SweetV]

I gave DH an ultimatum a few weeks back as he also seemed to not care at all. He has felt baby move once (after the ultimatum). He admitted that he has very little interest until after the baby is born (he gets none of the symptoms, feel first movements etc). He still hasn't been to an appt but will talk more about it and at least pretend to be excited. It sucks I know.