MMC... never saw it coming

[AlaskaWife]

Hello Everyone,

My husband and I finally became pregnant with our first after trying for a year. TTC was a heart wrenching journey. I've never been so happy as when we got that BFP at exactly 4 weeks. We were ecstatic and naive and we told everyone really early on at around 6 weeks, which with how bad my morning sickness was would have been a necessity. There was no hiding that. Everything was progressing normally. We went in for my first ultrasound on Friday at 13 weeks. We discovered the baby had stopped developing at 7 weeks and had no heartbeat. After a blood test Friday and another one Sunday we saw that my levels are really high but are going down now. My D&C is scheduled for Thursday.

I am just so very heartbroken and numb at the same time. I went back to work today because I just want my life to be normal; I want the distraction. The distraction was good for bits and pieces of time, but I just kept finding myself in my office by myself staring off in space and alone with my thoughts. I just wish I could fast forward through this point in my life. I just want to be pregnant again but with a healthy baby. I just want to be done with all of this.

The good thing about telling everyone so early is now we are surrounded by so much love and support, the hardest part is telling the random people who knew about the pregnancy but I'm not close enough with to really get any support from. And I hate everyone looking at me like I'm a wounded animal. I hate being so conflicted inside, so much of me wants to go about my normal day and keep busy, but so much of me wants curl up in bed and not have to deal with the outside world. I so want to just immediately be pregnant again because we tried so hard for this, but I'm scared even though the Dr. said this in no way should affect future pregnancies. I just want to feel like me, and I want my baby, and I never before realized how much that is to ask for.

 

[hanni]

I'm so sorry for your loss and what you're going through.
Your loss sounds very similar to the way in which mine happened. I was also naive and told most people, was blissfully optimistic and then absolutely heart broken when we went for our 12 week scan and we're told our baby only measures 6 weeks.

I wish there was something to say which would make things seam better. Inbox me if you ever need to chat x

 

[want2beamum]

I'm so sorry for your loss, it's really hard and it's going to take time. You need to give yourself time to grieve for your baby. It's not easy and it hurts like hell. But please know there are always people here that understand.
I went to my scan last week to find our baby's heart had stopped at 11 weeks. My heart dropped to my chest , it was beating so fast and I felt like I was drowning, I cried and screamed why me, why our baby. I think that's the hardest part, not knowing why.
Unfortunately this is my 2nd loss in a row, 3rd in total. We didn't tell anybody apart my our parents and now we are having to tell people our baby has gone. I know what you mean by the looks people give you, I feel like I've got two heads. I know people look at me and think I can't believe it's happened to her again. It's hard when people don't understand. And it's hard to know how to grieve yourself. Take time, recognise your loss and your baby, cry, scream do whatever you need to do to get through. You will never forgot your baby, but in time it will become easier I promise. Always here if needed. Xxx

 

[misscyn]

I am sorry for your loss.
I have a similar experience.
I found out early Friday morning at almost 11 weeks that baby had stopped developping at 6w4d. The worst part is I had a scan at 6 weeks because of spotting, and baby was alive with a heartbeat.
Just like you, I have suffered debilitating morning sickness from 6 weeks onward. I was so paranoid about losing this baby, but my symptoms were so strong that I never suspected a mmc. I also told a lot of people about my pregnancy because I basically couldn't hide it with all of my symptoms, plus my stomach expanded really quickly.
Anyway, the gynecologist who broke the news to us was really warm and sympathetic. She explained that usually, nausea and vomitting are signs the pregnancy is progressing well, so my case is rather exceptional (and cruel I would say). She said that since my body seems to betray me, next pregnancy she recommends going for a scan at about 8 weeks. She said that most genetic abnormalities manifest themselves before 8 weeks; if you get a nice strong heartbeat at 8 weeks, then your chances of a mc go down drastically. She also showed me the difference between a 6 week embreyo and an 8 week embreyo, and it is true that there is a huge difference between them, the 8 week embreyo having a much more human form. Anyway I was really happy to get this information for next time.

I am also back at work today and getting the pitty looks. But at the end of the day I am happy to have people to talk to. I guess everyone is different, but it really helps me to talk about it as much as possible.

Hugs and good luck.

 

[silverbell]

I feel your pain and I'm so sorry for your loss.

We had a mcc at 6w1d with our very long-awaited little one (we TTC for 3 and a half years).

It is utterly heartbreaking and devastating and even those words can't completely describe the feelings. It is all made so very, very much worse when you've been TTC for a long time, I know.

Just remember everything you're feeling is normal. Just give yourself time and take care of yourself and things will get better over time, I promise, though the hurt will never go away.

Thinking of you x

 

[lhancock90]

I am so sorry your loss. I too had a missed miscarriage, we discovered at out 12 week scan.
Everything you feel is normal, it gets better i promise, with time, there are ups and downs but, you get there.



xxx