Monitoring my teens

[alejandramom]

Hello everybody,

I am a mother of 3 teens (early teenagers) I am at work 8 hours a day and they try to trick me with their homework and errands (pretend they did them when in fact, they didn't) so now I am thinking of getting a family home monitor to keep connected with them while at work. I found a couple of options from Motorola and iFamCare, the one from Motorola uses a separate device to control it, and the one from iFamCare uses an app on your Android of iPhone to control it. Pricing for both is decent (nothing more than $100) but the iFamCare monitor is a little less in price.

Do you have any other suggestions? I am currently in the market looking for a family monitor.

Thanks,
Alejandra

 

[suzib76]

Maybe someone to look after them?

 

[Shanslee]

We had a bit of a problem with our teenage daughter last year. She's almost 16, and so we believed she could be trusted to stay at home by herself while we went on an overnight trip. To make a long story short, she chose to invite her boyfriend over for the night while we were gone!

Her plans were nipped in the bud when the boyfriend's father was somehow tipped off to the plan and he called us to ask questions. There was much crying and screaming and wailing, but she didn't get to enjoy her little plan, and was grounded for a ridiculously long time.

After that incident, we bought a home video monitoring system. Now we can have it on at all times, and it monitors not only the downstairs of the house, but outside as well. We can access it via computer from any remote location. It has definitely given us peace of mind!

It cost us about $300 to add the video cameras, but keep in mind that these are all through the downstairs and outside -- so about six cameras total. They are simple Uniden add-ons. We haven't had any problems with them at all, and I like the resolution. It's very clear.

The best part is that it means she must be totally honest with us about anything that goes on in the house, because we can always double-check. Anything from visitors who happen to stop by to whether or not she did her laundry can be confirmed. The good news is that having the cameras means we don't actually have to check them. Simply the fact that she knows they are there has served as a great deterrent to any untoward behavior.

I hope this helps!

 

[hanni]

I think if my mum had installed video cameras when I was that age I'd have packed my bags and moved out. Talk about lack of freedom. How do you expect to develop a good relationship with them if they're constantly being monitored by you and they feel like you don't trust them? Why not just trust them and then if they can't be trusted get a babysitter for them and I'm sure they'll soon realise.

 

[Shanslee]

I think if my mum had installed video cameras when I was that age I'd have packed my bags and moved out. Talk about lack of freedom. How do you expect to develop a good relationship with them if they're constantly being monitored by you and they feel like you don't trust them? Why not just trust them and then if they can't be trusted get a babysitter for them and I'm sure they'll soon realise.

Sometimes teenagers need a wake-up call, to realize that trust must be earned, not just handed over. That was the case with my daughter. Now that she has had the eye-opening experience of having her freedom severely curtailed, her attitude has adjusted dramatically, and she is making much more mature decisions. In fact, we trust her much more now than we did before, and I don't recall the last time we felt the need to look at the cameras.

But having them worked wonders at the start, especially since we made it clear there would be NO tolerance for her bad behavior. Those cameras went in within a matter of days, and she paid for half of them out of her own money. It was a great learning experience for her.

 

[hanni]

I think if my mum had installed video cameras when I was that age I'd have packed my bags and moved out. Talk about lack of freedom. How do you expect to develop a good relationship with them if they're constantly being monitored by you and they feel like you don't trust them? Why not just trust them and then if they can't be trusted get a babysitter for them and I'm sure they'll soon realise.

Sometimes teenagers need a wake-up call, to realize that trust must be earned, not just handed over. That was the case with my daughter. Now that she has had the eye-opening experience of having her freedom severely curtailed, her attitude has adjusted dramatically, and she is making much more mature decisions. In fact, we trust her much more now than we did before, and I don't recall the last time we felt the need to look at the cameras.

But having them worked wonders at the start, especially since we made it clear there would be NO tolerance for her bad behavior. Those cameras went in within a matter of days, and she paid for half of them out of her own money. It was a great learning experience for her.

I've honestly never heard of such a thing. Where do they/would they monitor? In their bedrooms and stuff? When I did something wrong at that age I just got grounded/my phone taken off me. If I didn't do the washing I didn't have clean clothes. That was enough motivation for me.
I suppose I've only got my experience of being a teenager and not parenting a teenager so I don't really know but it just seems rather drastic.

 

[Shanslee]

I've honestly never heard of such a thing. Where do they/would they monitor? In their bedrooms and stuff? When I did something wrong at that age I just got grounded/my phone taken off me. If I didn't do the washing I didn't have clean clothes. That was enough motivation for me.
I suppose I've only got my experience of being a teenager and not parenting a teenager so I don't really know but it just seems rather drastic.

The cameras cover only the downstairs areas and the outside of the house -- never the upstairs, which is where the bedrooms are. The downstairs at our home includes the living room, dining room, kitchen, family room, things like that. The outdoor cameras cover the driveway, front porch, etc. -- so we can see who is coming and going.

We had tried smaller punishments for other things, such as taking away her phone or computer time. But in this case, she was playing with fire in way that had to be nipped in the bud right then -- lying to us, making up a story to trick her boyfriend's family, planning on having unprotected sex, all of that -- completely unacceptable on every level! We had to make it crystal clear to her that we were NOT fooling around with that kind of behavior. She got the message immediately.

 

[suzib76]

My original answer to the op which was to look after them stands

Why on earth would anyone install a camera rather then spend time with and/or look after their child

 

[Shanslee]

My original answer to the op which was to look after them stands

Why on earth would anyone install a camera rather then spend time with and/or look after their child

It sounds like the OP wants to monitor her children while she is at work. She obviously can't be with them while she is out trying to make a paycheck...so monitoring might be a good compromise to make sure they do what they are supposed to do.

 

[suzib76]

My original answer to the op which was to look after them stands

Why on earth would anyone install a camera rather then spend time with and/or look after their child

It sounds like the OP wants to monitor her children while she is at work. She obviously can't be with them while she is out trying to make a paycheck...so monitoring might be a good compromise to make sure they do what they are supposed to do.

If they can't be trusted then there is a reason. They probably need parented. Video camera doesn't do that.

 

[Lauraxamy]

Really don't think a video camera is a good idea, I'd of been horrified as a teen if my Mum had installed a camera to watch me constantly.
At the end of the day if they aren't doing things they're asked to do then their should be consequences. If they don't do their homework, they get punished at school, that's their choice they're old enough to know that. Same with if they don't do the chores which are set at home.
Other than that isn't there anybody who can look in on them at certain times?

 

[Boomerslady]

I don't like the idea of video cameras either....I mean I was out having unprotected sex at 14 and my mum had no idea!!!! I had a good upbringing, I just rebelled but she thought I was at friends houses studying!

In terms of homework I think that's pretty obvious if it's done or not. When I was at school it was listed each day and a parent had to sign that it was done. At the end of the day though if they continually don't do it I'm sure the school will discipline them.

In terms of errands, can you perhaps set booby traps? If you ask them to Hoover, leave something somewhere and if it's still there when they say they did it, you know they're lying!

 

[kerrie24]

How old are they exactly? My son is 13 and he often chooses to stay home when I take the younger 2 out somewhere. Is the camera like a monitor? So you can keep an eye on them or would you be checking it back like cctv?

 

[Tanikins]

Id hate it. Id flip the bird at everyone. It feels very invasive. I feel that your kids will just do stuff away from the house now. Id rather any stupidity happened in my house than in park/field

 

[LoraLoo]

I have to agree with the last few comments. I have an almost 15 year old and I wouldn't do this. It's an invasion of privacy and lack of respect. I think you need to address the problems rather than spy on them.

 

[Sussy]

I only have toddlers at the mo but I obviously was a teenager myself...if my parents did this I would have felt on edge, spied upon, not trusted and felt like my privacy was invaded. It would probably have encouraged me to spend less time at home too.

 

[Bevziibubble]

I only have toddlers at the mo but I obviously was a teenager myself...if my parents did this I would have felt on edge, spied upon, not trusted and felt like my privacy was invaded. It would probably have encouraged me to spend less time at home too.

I agree with this. I think it's a step too far.

 

[suzib76]

It's more than a step to far imo. whomwould actually get a video camera installed rather than actually parent their children - heard it all now.

 

[Andypanda6570]

It's more than a step to far imo. whomwould actually get a video camera installed rather than actually parent their children - heard it all now.

I think it's a bit harsh to suggest she isn't parenting her child..I have raised 3 boys all were teenagers, one still is (15)..The woman has to work what else she can do to insure her child is following the rules? Do you have a teenager? Let me tell you they are hard very hard to keep under your radar.. I feel I am a good parent and my little one has gotten into trouble , so now he has been in the house for a month, not aloud out at ALL..But I am home so I can makes sure he follows his punishment, how hard it must be if you have to work. I think if the camera was in the bathrooms or bedrooms I would agree, but until you parent a teenager you have no idea of the daily struggle I think it's fine to disagree with what she is doing, but to say she isn't parenting , IMO isn't really fair... XXOO

 

[LilFooshFoosh]

I also think some of the comments have been quite harsh. If my child did something that endangered themselves or could have a lasting impact on their lives (i.e. having unprotected sex which could result in a child or contraction of an STD thereby forever altering their life) I would do whatever I could to ensure their wellbeing and impress upon them the severity of the consequences of their actions. Trust is earned.

I'm not saying I would install a camera but I don't have teenagers or live the life of the op, so I wouldn't presume to know what I would do in that situation.

As for the actual reason for the post, I don't have any recommendations but if I was installing a security system (which is the same premise) I would opt for one that I could access through my phone. I would hate to have to carry around a second device but that is just me.