Monitoring my teens

[RachA]

The idea of being monitored at home is a bit much for me. Home should be a safe place where you can be yourself and I'm fairly sure that most teens would decide they'd rather be out of the house doing stuff where they aren't watched than be at home being spied upon.

I understand that the parent here has to work but I think a better way if dealing with it is to have someone sit with them or home them go to someone's house where a parent is there to keep an eye on them.

At the end of the day if they choose not to do homework when you aren't there then they will face the concequences of that when they fail to submit it at school.
Getting them to do stuff (homework/chores) out of fear of being punished to me isn't a good way of doing things. They should want to do things to help out and please you. I would rather my children do nothing around the house than do things because they are scared of what I'll do if they don't.
I would be working on this rather than spying on them.

 

[suzib76]

It's more than a step to far imo. whomwould actually get a video camera installed rather than actually parent their children - heard it all now.

I think it's a bit harsh to suggest she isn't parenting her child..I have raised 3 boys all were teenagers, one still is (15)..The woman has to work what else she can do to insure her child is following the rules? Do you have a teenager? Let me tell you they are hard very hard to keep under your radar.. I feel I am a good parent and my little one has gotten into trouble , so now he has been in the house for a month, not aloud out at ALL..But I am home so I can makes sure he follows his punishment, how hard it must be if you have to work. I think if the camera was in the bathrooms or bedrooms I would agree, but until you parent a teenager you have no idea of the daily struggle I think it's fine to disagree with what she is doing, but to say she isn't parenting , IMO isn't really fair... XXOO

Yeas I have a teenager. And yes I know it is hard to juggle children and work.

Howerevr the suggestion that she isn't parenting comes from the idea that she is considering installing a video camera for her 'early teens' (I take that to mean 13/14) If your 13/14 yo are not behaving in an appropriate manner then they need guidance to get them onto the right path not to be restricted so you can carry on as you are.

ETA by parenting I don't necessarily mean that the op should give up work, my initial suggestion was for 'someone' to look after them. Parenting doesn't just mean looking after your children yourself.

 

[Andypanda6570]

It's more than a step to far imo. whomwould actually get a video camera installed rather than actually parent their children - heard it all now.

I think it's a bit harsh to suggest she isn't parenting her child..I have raised 3 boys all were teenagers, one still is (15)..The woman has to work what else she can do to insure her child is following the rules? Do you have a teenager? Let me tell you they are hard very hard to keep under your radar.. I feel I am a good parent and my little one has gotten into trouble , so now he has been in the house for a month, not aloud out at ALL..But I am home so I can makes sure he follows his punishment, how hard it must be if you have to work. I think if the camera was in the bathrooms or bedrooms I would agree, but until you parent a teenager you have no idea of the daily struggle I think it's fine to disagree with what she is doing, but to say she isn't parenting , IMO isn't really fair... XXOO

Yeas I have a teenager. And yes I know it is hard to juggle children and work.

Howerevr the suggestion that she isn't parenting comes from the idea that she is considering installing a video camera for her 'early teens' (I take that to mean 13/14) If your 13/14 yo are not behaving in an appropriate manner then they need guidance to get them onto the right path not to be restricted so you can carry on as you are.

ETA by parenting I don't necessarily mean that the op should give up work, my initial suggestion was for 'someone' to look after them. Parenting doesn't just mean looking after your children yourself.

My 15 yr old was not behaving appropriately and he has guidance and has 2 parents that are married 25yrs and love him and he still got in trouble outside the home..If I beat the crapola outta him ( Which I never did but sometimes I do wanna smack him) I get in trouble, if he's not in class it's the parents fault and social services comes knocking on my door, when in reality the school ( Premises) should be properly guarded so these kids can't get out, WTF do they have security guards and cameras for ..Took away his phone, computer Xbox and every other thing you can imagine, still went to school and got in trouble..My son was never disrespectful to authority or teachers, but how can I control him in school? And yes IMO they do need to be restricted as well as guidance, which guidance is all we ever showed our children , by our example.. As long as my son is living under my roof I will go through his computer and his phone if I even have the slightest inclination that something is up..The epidemic in New York right now is heroin, heroin??? I never even thought of this drug in my early years, my borough is the leading one for teen deaths due to Heroin and it is a upper class neighborhood , doesn't matter drugs are all over .. Now, I know he isn't doing that , but maybe one of his friends are or he is in a crowd that does..My son will not be a statistic , I am his parent and it is my job to keep him safe and know where he is and what he is doing every minute.. I don't care about that bullshit that they need their privacy, yes if they are showing responsibility and being good but not when they are misbehaving..When they are out of my home they could fly to the moon, but in my home we have rules and they will abide by them.... That is just how I feel raising my sons. One is 24 and one is 22 and they are good men, thank God..But this one Anthony 15 and is definitely giving us a run , so I am very vigilant .. XXOO

 

[suzib76]

It's more than a step to far imo. whomwould actually get a video camera installed rather than actually parent their children - heard it all now.

I think it's a bit harsh to suggest she isn't parenting her child..I have raised 3 boys all were teenagers, one still is (15)..The woman has to work what else she can do to insure her child is following the rules? Do you have a teenager? Let me tell you they are hard very hard to keep under your radar.. I feel I am a good parent and my little one has gotten into trouble , so now he has been in the house for a month, not aloud out at ALL..But I am home so I can makes sure he follows his punishment, how hard it must be if you have to work. I think if the camera was in the bathrooms or bedrooms I would agree, but until you parent a teenager you have no idea of the daily struggle I think it's fine to disagree with what she is doing, but to say she isn't parenting , IMO isn't really fair... XXOO

Yeas I have a teenager. And yes I know it is hard to juggle children and work.

Howerevr the suggestion that she isn't parenting comes from the idea that she is considering installing a video camera for her 'early teens' (I take that to mean 13/14) If your 13/14 yo are not behaving in an appropriate manner then they need guidance to get them onto the right path not to be restricted so you can carry on as you are.

ETA by parenting I don't necessarily mean that the op should give up work, my initial suggestion was for 'someone' to look after them. Parenting doesn't just mean looking after your children yourself.

My 15 yr old was not behaving appropriately and he has guidance and has 2 parents that are married 25yrs and love him and he still got in trouble outside the home..If I beat the crapola outta him ( Which I never did but sometimes I do wanna smack him) I get in trouble, if he's not in class it's the parents fault and social services comes knocking on my door, when in reality the school ( Premises) should be properly guarded so these kids can't get out, WTF do they have security guards and cameras for ..Took away his phone, computer Xbox and every other thing you can imagine, still went to school and got in trouble..My son was never disrespectful to authority or teachers, but how can I control him in school? And yes IMO they do need to be restricted as well as guidance, which guidance is all we ever showed our children , by our example.. As long as my son is living under my roof I will go through his computer and his phone if I even have the slightest inclination that something is up..The epidemic in New York right now is heroin, heroin??? I never even thought of this drug in my early years, my borough is the leading one for teen deaths due to Heroin and it is a upper class neighborhood , doesn't matter drugs are all over .. Now, I know he isn't doing that , but maybe one of his friends are or he is in a crowd that does..My son will not be a statistic , I am his parent and it is my job to keep him safe and know where he is and what he is doing every minute.. I don't care about that bullshit that they need their privacy, yes if they are showing responsibility and being good but not when they are misbehaving..When they are out of my home they could fly to the moon, but in my home we have rules and they will abide by them.... That is just how I feel raising my sons. One is 24 and one is 22 and they are good men, thank God..But this one Anthony 15 and is definitely giving us a run , so I am very vigilant .. XXOO

My comments were to the individual who was thinking of getting video camera installed because she works 8 hours a day and her young teens were not doing homework n all of the above you have posted is not relevant to that situation

 

[Andypanda6570]

It's more than a step to far imo. whomwould actually get a video camera installed rather than actually parent their children - heard it all now.

I think it's a bit harsh to suggest she isn't parenting her child..I have raised 3 boys all were teenagers, one still is (15)..The woman has to work what else she can do to insure her child is following the rules? Do you have a teenager? Let me tell you they are hard very hard to keep under your radar.. I feel I am a good parent and my little one has gotten into trouble , so now he has been in the house for a month, not aloud out at ALL..But I am home so I can makes sure he follows his punishment, how hard it must be if you have to work. I think if the camera was in the bathrooms or bedrooms I would agree, but until you parent a teenager you have no idea of the daily struggle I think it's fine to disagree with what she is doing, but to say she isn't parenting , IMO isn't really fair... XXOO

Yeas I have a teenager. And yes I know it is hard to juggle children and work.

Howerevr the suggestion that she isn't parenting comes from the idea that she is considering installing a video camera for her 'early teens' (I take that to mean 13/14) If your 13/14 yo are not behaving in an appropriate manner then they need guidance to get them onto the right path not to be restricted so you can carry on as you are.

ETA by parenting I don't necessarily mean that the op should give up work, my initial suggestion was for 'someone' to look after them. Parenting doesn't just mean looking after your children yourself.

My 15 yr old was not behaving appropriately and he has guidance and has 2 parents that are married 25yrs and love him and he still got in trouble outside the home..If I beat the crapola outta him ( Which I never did but sometimes I do wanna smack him) I get in trouble, if he's not in class it's the parents fault and social services comes knocking on my door, when in reality the school ( Premises) should be properly guarded so these kids can't get out, WTF do they have security guards and cameras for ..Took away his phone, computer Xbox and every other thing you can imagine, still went to school and got in trouble..My son was never disrespectful to authority or teachers, but how can I control him in school? And yes IMO they do need to be restricted as well as guidance, which guidance is all we ever showed our children , by our example.. As long as my son is living under my roof I will go through his computer and his phone if I even have the slightest inclination that something is up..The epidemic in New York right now is heroin, heroin??? I never even thought of this drug in my early years, my borough is the leading one for teen deaths due to Heroin and it is a upper class neighborhood , doesn't matter drugs are all over .. Now, I know he isn't doing that , but maybe one of his friends are or he is in a crowd that does..My son will not be a statistic , I am his parent and it is my job to keep him safe and know where he is and what he is doing every minute.. I don't care about that bullshit that they need their privacy, yes if they are showing responsibility and being good but not when they are misbehaving..When they are out of my home they could fly to the moon, but in my home we have rules and they will abide by them.... That is just how I feel raising my sons. One is 24 and one is 22 and they are good men, thank God..But this one Anthony 15 and is definitely giving us a run , so I am very vigilant .. XXOO

My comments were to the individual who was thinking of getting video camera installed because she works 8 hours a day and her young teens were not doing homework n all of the above you have posted is not relevant to that situation

Why the shrugging icon? I wasn't being nasty and of course it is relevant? They weren't only not doing homework I feel it was a lot more, I was just trying to say that it isn't about not parenting or guidance ...I was giving my son as an example... I was not trying to be nasty..

 

[Andypanda6570]

And why do these OP's post and then not answer? 3 pages and not one response??

 

[suzib76]

It's more than a step to far imo. whomwould actually get a video camera installed rather than actually parent their children - heard it all now.

I think it's a bit harsh to suggest she isn't parenting her child..I have raised 3 boys all were teenagers, one still is (15)..The woman has to work what else she can do to insure her child is following the rules? Do you have a teenager? Let me tell you they are hard very hard to keep under your radar.. I feel I am a good parent and my little one has gotten into trouble , so now he has been in the house for a month, not aloud out at ALL..But I am home so I can makes sure he follows his punishment, how hard it must be if you have to work. I think if the camera was in the bathrooms or bedrooms I would agree, but until you parent a teenager you have no idea of the daily struggle I think it's fine to disagree with what she is doing, but to say she isn't parenting , IMO isn't really fair... XXOO

Yeas I have a teenager. And yes I know it is hard to juggle children and work.

Howerevr the suggestion that she isn't parenting comes from the idea that she is considering installing a video camera for her 'early teens' (I take that to mean 13/14) If your 13/14 yo are not behaving in an appropriate manner then they need guidance to get them onto the right path not to be restricted so you can carry on as you are.

ETA by parenting I don't necessarily mean that the op should give up work, my initial suggestion was for 'someone' to look after them. Parenting doesn't just mean looking after your children yourself.

My 15 yr old was not behaving appropriately and he has guidance and has 2 parents that are married 25yrs and love him and he still got in trouble outside the home..If I beat the crapola outta him ( Which I never did but sometimes I do wanna smack him) I get in trouble, if he's not in class it's the parents fault and social services comes knocking on my door, when in reality the school ( Premises) should be properly guarded so these kids can't get out, WTF do they have security guards and cameras for ..Took away his phone, computer Xbox and every other thing you can imagine, still went to school and got in trouble..My son was never disrespectful to authority or teachers, but how can I control him in school? And yes IMO they do need to be restricted as well as guidance, which guidance is all we ever showed our children , by our example.. As long as my son is living under my roof I will go through his computer and his phone if I even have the slightest inclination that something is up..The epidemic in New York right now is heroin, heroin??? I never even thought of this drug in my early years, my borough is the leading one for teen deaths due to Heroin and it is a upper class neighborhood , doesn't matter drugs are all over .. Now, I know he isn't doing that , but maybe one of his friends are or he is in a crowd that does..My son will not be a statistic , I am his parent and it is my job to keep him safe and know where he is and what he is doing every minute.. I don't care about that bullshit that they need their privacy, yes if they are showing responsibility and being good but not when they are misbehaving..When they are out of my home they could fly to the moon, but in my home we have rules and they will abide by them.... That is just how I feel raising my sons. One is 24 and one is 22 and they are good men, thank God..But this one Anthony 15 and is definitely giving us a run , so I am very vigilant .. XXOO

My comments were to the individual who was thinking of getting video camera installed because she works 8 hours a day and her young teens were not doing homework n all of the above you have posted is not relevant to that situation

Why the shrugging icon? I wasn't being nasty and of course it is relevant? They weren't only not doing homework I feel it was a lot more, I was just trying to say that it isn't about not parenting or guidance ...I was giving my son as an example... I was not trying to be nasty..

But it IS about parenting. As a parent if I cannot be there then it is up to me to ensure someone else is

 

[Andypanda6570]

I think if my mum had installed video cameras when I was that age I'd have packed my bags and moved out. Talk about lack of freedom. How do you expect to develop a good relationship with them if they're constantly being monitored by you and they feel like you don't trust them? Why not just trust them and then if they can't be trusted get a babysitter for them and I'm sure they'll soon realise.

Sometimes teenagers need a wake-up call, to realize that trust must be earned, not just handed over. That was the case with my daughter. Now that she has had the eye-opening experience of having her freedom severely curtailed, her attitude has adjusted dramatically, and she is making much more mature decisions. In fact, we trust her much more now than we did before, and I don't recall the last time we felt the need to look at the cameras.

But having them worked wonders at the start, especially since we made it clear there would be NO tolerance for her bad behavior. Those cameras went in within a matter of days, and she paid for half of them out of her own money. It was a great learning experience for her.

I've honestly never heard of such a thing. Where do they/would they monitor? In their bedrooms and stuff? When I did something wrong at that age I just got grounded/my phone taken off me. If I didn't do the washing I didn't have clean clothes. That was enough motivation for me.
I suppose I've only got my experience of being a teenager and not parenting a teenager so I don't really know but it just seems rather drastic.

It is like installing a Nanny Cam, to watch and make sure your baby is being properly taken care of..I think the difference is a Nanny Cam would be in the child's bedroom, where as the teen it isn't or in the bathrooms..Xo

 

[Andypanda6570]

It's more than a step to far imo. whomwould actually get a video camera installed rather than actually parent their children - heard it all now.

I think it's a bit harsh to suggest she isn't parenting her child..I have raised 3 boys all were teenagers, one still is (15)..The woman has to work what else she can do to insure her child is following the rules? Do you have a teenager? Let me tell you they are hard very hard to keep under your radar.. I feel I am a good parent and my little one has gotten into trouble , so now he has been in the house for a month, not aloud out at ALL..But I am home so I can makes sure he follows his punishment, how hard it must be if you have to work. I think if the camera was in the bathrooms or bedrooms I would agree, but until you parent a teenager you have no idea of the daily struggle I think it's fine to disagree with what she is doing, but to say she isn't parenting , IMO isn't really fair... XXOO

Yeas I have a teenager. And yes I know it is hard to juggle children and work.

Howerevr the suggestion that she isn't parenting comes from the idea that she is considering installing a video camera for her 'early teens' (I take that to mean 13/14) If your 13/14 yo are not behaving in an appropriate manner then they need guidance to get them onto the right path not to be restricted so you can carry on as you are.

ETA by parenting I don't necessarily mean that the op should give up work, my initial suggestion was for 'someone' to look after them. Parenting doesn't just mean looking after your children yourself.

My 15 yr old was not behaving appropriately and he has guidance and has 2 parents that are married 25yrs and love him and he still got in trouble outside the home..If I beat the crapola outta him ( Which I never did but sometimes I do wanna smack him) I get in trouble, if he's not in class it's the parents fault and social services comes knocking on my door, when in reality the school ( Premises) should be properly guarded so these kids can't get out, WTF do they have security guards and cameras for ..Took away his phone, computer Xbox and every other thing you can imagine, still went to school and got in trouble..My son was never disrespectful to authority or teachers, but how can I control him in school? And yes IMO they do need to be restricted as well as guidance, which guidance is all we ever showed our children , by our example.. As long as my son is living under my roof I will go through his computer and his phone if I even have the slightest inclination that something is up..The epidemic in New York right now is heroin, heroin??? I never even thought of this drug in my early years, my borough is the leading one for teen deaths due to Heroin and it is a upper class neighborhood , doesn't matter drugs are all over .. Now, I know he isn't doing that , but maybe one of his friends are or he is in a crowd that does..My son will not be a statistic , I am his parent and it is my job to keep him safe and know where he is and what he is doing every minute.. I don't care about that bullshit that they need their privacy, yes if they are showing responsibility and being good but not when they are misbehaving..When they are out of my home they could fly to the moon, but in my home we have rules and they will abide by them.... That is just how I feel raising my sons. One is 24 and one is 22 and they are good men, thank God..But this one Anthony 15 and is definitely giving us a run , so I am very vigilant .. XXOO

My comments were to the individual who was thinking of getting video camera installed because she works 8 hours a day and her young teens were not doing homework n all of the above you have posted is not relevant to that situation

Why the shrugging icon? I wasn't being nasty and of course it is relevant? They weren't only not doing homework I feel it was a lot more, I was just trying to say that it isn't about not parenting or guidance ...I was giving my son as an example... I was not trying to be nasty..

But it IS about parenting. As a parent if I cannot be there then it is up to me to ensure someone else is

But maybe she doesn't have anyone, I know I didn't..I was just lucky to be a SAHM, but most are not. I admit my son's situation is different..I just think I got so much into detail because of the parenting comment, but you are right I did go off topic But people have to work and cannot afford a babysitter or don't have anyone to help, so what is she supposed to do? I mean I wouldn't install it for homework and laundry, but for other reasons...I guess the HW and laundry are important to her, to me it wouldn't be...

 

[morri]

Teens are old enough to look after their own homework, it is a thing between teacher and student really. I think a control system would be over the top, and just shows your kids that they cant be trusted.

 

[suzib76]

Teens are old enough to look after their own homework, it is a thing between teacher and student really. I think a control system would be over the top, and just shows your kids that they cant be trusted.

Completely disagree that it is between teacher and student. People put so much pressure on teens, they are still just children really and if they are not coping then it's down to the parent to step in, not to stand back and say the teen is old enough to sort it themselves. sometimes they struggle for whatever reason and in order to get them on the right track it is down to parents to step up

 

[Natsku]

Teens are old enough to look after their own homework, it is a thing between teacher and student really. I think a control system would be over the top, and just shows your kids that they cant be trusted.

Completely agree with this.

And the whole video monitoring at home is really messed up - if my parents had done that I would have spent as little time at home as possible.

 

[CRWx]

The camera thing weirds me out... It's not that long since I was a teenager myself and would feel horrible being constantly watched in my own home.

If a child is misbehaving/doing things you don't want them to, putting a camera in isn't going to do anything but drive them away from you. I'd rather my future child(ren) felt comfortable in their own home and did whatever it was they're doing in the house rather than being sneaky outside the house... Which is what surveillance will do!