moving away from FOB?

[cherry_pie]

Ok I will give a little background to my situation. I was married and my husband walked out 3 days before christmas when our only son was almost 5 months old, with no explanation, very out of the blue. I got over the shock, pulled myself together and decided for my sons sake and my own sanity be be reasonable about the whole thing. I am always flexible and accomodating when it comes to access and want my son to have a good relationship with his dad despite our marital breakdown. My ex however is not accomodating and squeezes our son in between his two jobs and his life in general whenever suits. He still does not take him overnight at all despite my offering for some 3 months because he says he cannot lose £70 a night of overtime. I know he does not necessarily need this money and is on a good salary. He constantly chops and changes plans, days, times of seeing our son which results in me dropping plans at the last minute and having to also change my workign hours. He does not give the money he should be giving however I have decided to overlook this as I don't wish to argue over money.
He still has not bought a car seat and constantly borrows mine, didnt get him anything for easter or his birthday.

Anyway, I have found a wonderful man since and am very happy. I am at present living with parents as my ex refused to help pay towards the mortgage so am planning on having it repossessed and going bankrupt. I need somewhere to live and am considering moving in with my boyfriend. We have talked at length about how he feels helping me raise my son and if this is what he wants. He seems very sure of what he wants, he has a good job and a home about 40 minutes from where I currently live. If I decide to move in with him, it means we can be together and I can afford to have a nice standard of living as well as being able to afford to continue studying, I will still travel up and down for work and my son to see his grandparents etc.

The problem is that is likely that his dad would need to take him overnights because of the time he finishes work and my son goes to bed...it is not giving him any time really. I'm not sure he will do this. Is it selfish for me to move? Personally I feel that I will do everything in my power to maintain good contact, such as offering to do one of the drop offs and he can do the other so it's not unfair etc. I want to maintain contact, I cannot put my whole life on hold because my location doesn't fit in with his overtime. It is a lovely little villiage which is nicer to live in for a child than the estate I currently live. I will maintain my support network with my family and friends as I drive, my son will continue at the same creche etc...the only real problem is my ex. Some opinions would be helpful for an outside viewpoint mayb?

 

[Ceejay123]

To be honest, it sounds like you're putting way too much thought into whats good for your EX, when he's not exactly doing the same. Some guys would jump at the chance to spend more time with their LO, and he has to squeeze his in when he can? He should be pushing for more time, not turning it down..
If your life, and therefore your LO's life is going to be better further away, go for it. 40 minutes is not that far hun - It's how far my OH has to travel to see his LO. If he cares, he'll do it. Something will always work out. xx

 

[ZombieQueen]

He left you and your son.. He doesn't seem to really TRY to be in his son's life.. I think you need to stop worrying about him and focus on yourself and your son. If he wants to see his son, he has to make it work. You're not preventing him from seeing him, he's making the choice not to. My husband left me and I moved from oregon to hawaii.. told him if he wants to be with his daughter he totally can, but he has to come to her. He hasn't come to see her yet, I don't think he will for a while either..