Mums whose ex-partners have moved on to other families - advice?

[Dezireey]

FOB and I split up two years this August gone and my story is a long one but some of you know what this man has done to me. For quite sometime I have not been aware of whether he had another partner or not. Not until recently that is and even after all this time, its hurts so bad.

I bumped into him at the beach with a woman and two kids (a girl about 15 and a boy about 10) and he ignored us. I stupidly looked at his facebook page and the young girl has posted pictures of them at the beach with stuff like 'nothing like being with family and we all love each other' father and son by the beach, nothing like a father bonding with his son, the love they have etc.

Ladies , help me with this. How can this man (who said he 'hated kids') now move on and spend time with another family like this?, whilst totally ignoring his own son I never want to see him again, I don't want my son near him. I also understand him hating me. But doing this to a baby, his own flesh and blood? I get through things and I remain tough as often as I can but some days I wish I knew the answers. How has anyone else got through that awful moment when their ex gets another partner and even treats a strangers kids better than his own?

Just at a loss today about what I have done in life to deserve this.

 

[lovejoy]

I know how you feel.My ex left me pregnant.

His new girlfriend as a son and they all live together as one big happy family and he can just about manage a skype call our kids. Like you, we broke up almost two years in Jan 2014, It doesn't feel like a long time when the kids are soo young.My friends get say things like get over it, his moved on you should too, whilst my brain is still trying to figure out what the hell happened? I won't talk to my friends about it anymore because they don't understand, plus I feel like I'm boring them. Not so easy to move on with a 1 year old and 2 year. I know life will change for us, but I get what you are gong through, you feel stuck and life sucks. It's ok to feel like that, I'm grateful my kids are healthy and happy but this sucks.

But just remember it's only for a moment and in five years time, our exes oh so great new relationships will probably be over. Even if they're not we won't care anymore. I'm dying to go back to studying and working but as I can't right now because of less of childcare sigh, my mind go over the idiot guy but it gets less and less now.

Facebook is evil, no good can come of it. The last time I looked on there I saw an engagement ring he got her for her birthday, I didn't even get a card towards the end. Cancel the damn thing. I miss the days when facebook didn't exist and ex went off to the land of not to be seen again.
Our exes are douchebags with no souls

 

[Shezza84uk]

He is just simply irresponsible and immature. He doesn't deserve to be in your sons life after all the nonsense and lies he's told, it will hurt a while but in the long term this might be a blessing in disguise he is dysfunctional and a pathological liar who is incapable of being anything but a waste of oxygen!

You will be ok time heals and this relationship he's in will also run its course a leopard never change it spots, its just unfortunate this woman he's with is unaware of what a waste he is and that he will eventually tire of the responsibility and hurt her kids too xx

 

[daneuse27]

He is infatuated with that woman, I can almost guarantee that it has nothing to do with those kids. If anything, I feel sorry for those children because their relationship isn't likely to last and they may have to endure a pain that your son is too young to experience because he never had to witness his dad leaving. From everything I've read about your ex, he is not a reliable or honest man and I wouldn't envy anyone for having him in their life.

Regarding the girl's post on facebook, I actually find that quite saddening. People's Facebook posts (especially of young, insecure or immature people) are not a reflection of the truth, but of how they want to be perceived by others. Who knows this girl and her family went through with their biological dad, it may have been something quite ugly if he's not in the picture at all. Her mom has now found your ex and is letting him bond and get close to her kids, without knowing what kind of a man he is. That's absolutely awful, I feel for what those kids have been through and what they will go through. The young girls posting on facebook is an attempt to appear happy and normal to all of her friends, while that isn't really the case

I know it seems like your ex has abandoned your son to be with these kids, but that really isn't the case. If things with him and his new gf go sour, he will abandon them too. Give your son a hug and be glad that a parental separation is not something he will ever have to go through You're doing an amazing job and are stronger than most, he is lucky to have you as is mama

 

[Dezireey]

Aw ladies, you have so brightened up my day and made me smile. Such lovely and kind advice and encouragement. I am so glad I am on this forum as it as helped me greatly to talk and give advice myself. Big hugs to you all. And everything you have said is so true and hearing from others makes a huge difference on my perspective.

 

[Mummy1995]

When me and my ex split. He was denying paternity and pretty much having nothing to do with me and my pregnancy. Went through months of him not being at all interested! Of course not long after he split, he got with some girl who also had a daughter and was off playing happy families!! The real big issue for me though was that SHE was posting all over his Facebook questioning the paternity of MY baby!! As someone ha a go at fob saying he was being insensitive posting about his new relationship when I was left on my own pregnant and they both had the cheek to come out with crap like 'if its mine' it made me so so angry!! Of course when Isabella was born he aske for a DNA test which I agreed to but surprise surprise he never followed through with it!

Honestly I would block his Facebook so the temptation isn't there. I know you bumped into him which obviously wasn't your fault but it is unlikely to happen again (hopefully). Seriously just act as if he is dead to you both until your son asks about him or is old enough for you to explain to him what happened. Its the only way I've managed to deal with it. It's a lot easier said than done as well (especially as i drive past my fob house at least twice a week) but honestly it helps me to just forget he ever existed for now.

He seems to think its acceptable for him to act that way about Isabella so ill do the same to him until there is a reason to do otherwise. Massive hugs. You're such a strong and amazing mumma. Your sons lucky to have you!! Xx

 

[Dezireey]

When me and my ex split. He was denying paternity and pretty much having nothing to do with me and my pregnancy. Went through months of him not being at all interested! Of course not long after he split, he got with some girl who also had a daughter and was off playing happy families!! The real big issue for me though was that SHE was posting all over his Facebook questioning the paternity of MY baby!! As someone ha a go at fob saying he was being insensitive posting about his new relationship when I was left on my own pregnant and they both had the cheek to come out with crap like 'if its mine' it made me so so angry!! Of course when Isabella was born he aske for a DNA test which I agreed to but surprise surprise he never followed through with it!

Honestly I would block his Facebook so the temptation isn't there. I know you bumped into him which obviously wasn't your fault but it is unlikely to happen again (hopefully). Seriously just act as if he is dead to you both until your son asks about him or is old enough for you to explain to him what happened. Its the only way I've managed to deal with it. It's a lot easier said than done as well (especially as i drive past my fob house at least twice a week) but honestly it helps me to just forget he ever existed for now.

He seems to think its acceptable for him to act that way about Isabella so ill do the same to him until there is a reason to do otherwise. Massive hugs. You're such a strong and amazing mumma. Your sons lucky to have you!! Xx

Thanks darling yeah, its the one thing I have to stop and stick to. Don't check the damned internet for anything any more about him, ever. It stops healing.

So sorry you went through all that, I understand your anger and hurt very well. Utterly baffles me how these men do this and then rub salt into the wound. Can't imagine your ex or mine keeping up their lovely, nice behaviour to these women, they cant sustain that. I can imagine how my FOB's new lady thinks he's wonderful and I am a nutter claiming my child is his, as he can be very charming and kind when he wants to be. Hell, that's how he got me in the first place! I believed him when he told me his ex-wife was a horrible,spiteful woman........well, now I know she is not.

 

[Dream.dream]

Been there done that . foB dated a girl with a boy the same age as our son before. He got the other kid a ton of toys for his birthday and Christmas and our son got a nerf football and a hot wheels car

I think it's just because they are scum plain and simple

 

[Larkspur]

No direct advice, Dezireey, but if this chick is posting stuff that they are "family" and he's bonding with his "son" after what must be a relatively short relationship, she is as much as a psycho as he is, and I feel terribly sorry for those kids.

You know what he's like. One thing now, another thing down the line. The dude has some serious mental problems. He might be playing happy families now, but there's nothing to envy in that situation in the long term.

*ETA I assumed it was the woman he's dating calling the boy his "son", but maybe it's her daughter? If so, that's so sad that the young girl is so desperate for a father figure that this guy will do.

 

[Yo_Yo]

I'm sure his new girlfriend will soon get to know what he is really like soon enough. Karma goes right back around, and hits you in the behind!

Stay strong x

 

[Ceejay123]

I'm sure his new girlfriend will soon get to know what he is really like soon enough. Karma goes right back around, and hits you in the behind!

Stay strong x

This exactly - she won't stay in the dark for long x

 

[Dezireey]

I feel sorry for her now. She has no idea at all who she is 'really' getting herself involved with. He is a master manipulator and emotional abuser and goes all out with chivalry and kindness and treats his 'lady' good in the beginning.........and then as time goes by, he shows his true self.

 

[Jennifurball]

Unfortunately there are too many men out there like that, and I was unfortunate enough to fall in that trap recently. He was trying to take Scarlett on as his own after just a few months dating and I wasn't having it. It's like he wanted the ready made family, and he turned possessive and clingy.

As for facebook, it is too easy to look happy and like life is perfect. Words are cheap. No one knows what goes on in private.