Mumzie taking over.

[LavaPanda]

Hello! Just a bit of advice and reassurance needed really.
I know it's natural for already mums to be, well, mums! Especially with me being young myself. But at the moment I just feel my mums stepping in a little too much and I'm getting a little bit uncomfortable with it.

Already she's made decisions for me as to what she'll be eating and when she'll be weaned and also what she'll be bathed in! I wanted a laying down bath and she insisted I got this 'tummy tub'- which is basically a glorified bucket. I wasn't too keen on it, but she pulls the 'if you've had a baby, you'll know' card and obviously I can't argue with that and it gets a little frustrating. I don't know how to approach it with her that I will want to be doing all these new things- I'm going to be a mum too! But I just have a feeling no matter what I say, she may get upset. And that's the last thing I want. At the end of the day I am going to need her help but when I NEED her help, if you get me. And everyone else I've mentioned this too has told me 'she's just trying to help' which makes me feel like I'm being really ungrateful, and I'm not at all as she's helped me and taken this whole situation sooooo well and I know she's just excited. I'm just scared she's not going to let me go or grow up. Because everytime I mention either moving out later or taking my driving test so I have more freedom or what have you, she gets a little. . . awkward?


At the moment, with all these decisions being made for me and being told what to do, I just feel more like the LO's sister than her mum. I just don't want to not bond with her.

Anyone elses mum like this or have any idea how I can gain maybe a little more control? Ta girlies

 

[Larkspur]

Your baby's not born yet, so I can't see how your mum can make any decisions about what she's eating and when she's weaned! I think it's best to deal with those things as you come to them. There's a lot between then and now!

But honestly, the only way you'll gain control is by taking it yourself. You have to learn to stand up to your mum and say, "Mum... don't take this the wrong way, because I do really appreciate your help, but I want to try things the way I want to do them first. This is my baby, and I have to learn the same way you did."

Having said that, don't be too quick to dismiss everything she suggests! I can tell you from experience that Tummy Tubs are SO much more than a glorified bucket! I started with a lay-down tub which was good to start with, but as soon my LO was a bit bigger, we switched to Tummy Tub and everyone loved it! They're seriously the best.... hands-free baby-bathing! Give it a go!

 

[LavaPanda]

Trust me, she's confident in what she wants Me to do with Ladybean.

Yeah I suppose and I take her advice on bored which is why I don't say anything. I just love her too much for her to then not help at all or for her to feel I don't want involved, because obviously I do. Just finding getting the right balance is hard.

Thanks though

 

[Desi's_lost]

To be fair, the tummy tub thing seemed pretty awesome. I wanted one.

But yeah, for now, I would probably just go "yeah, uhuh okay" to anything she's saying about weaning and shit like that. If she starts trying to take control of immediate stuff, then I would tell her nicely to step back.

 

[AirForceWife7]

I think you're right in the fact she's just excited right now, and I think her excitement of getting to watch her granddaughter grow and develop is just overwhelming her!

Honestly, I'd give it time. When the baby arrives, I think she will act different because she will see your natural instincts as a parent come out. I think she's stuck in the whole "Someone here is a first time parent and I must tell them EVERYTHING" stage, haha.

It'll get better, and if it doesn't, have a serious heart to heart with her. Just be like, "Listen mom, I love you and everything you are doing/have done for us, but I really need time to experience what me being a parent is all about. Decisions regarding the baby, etc." She sounds like an awesome mom, especially taking your situation so well! So there isn't a doubt that so long as you approach it the right way, you can do no wrong. I think she'll understand if it came down to that I wish I had that with my mom.

Hope it gets easier

 

[Justinel101]

I'm dealing with a similar thing with my mom. She wants to decide the baby's last name, thinks it's better for me to move back home (currently living with my boyfriend) because according to her he's not going to be helpful and she also doesn't want him in the room when I give birth. She let me make the decision to move into his mothers house with him because I strongly believed we should raise our son together. Now him & I are trying to find a way to live on our own and she just won't have it. It does add a lot of extra, not needed stress. Hopefully after the baby's are here they will realize we can handle some decisions on our own!

 

[tinkerbelle93]

That sounds really frustrating! With regards to buying things for baby, maybe just don't bring up the subject too much in-front of her and do your shopping on your own, she can't disagree too much if you've already bought it.

I lived with my parents for about a year after Oliver was born and I think mums can't help but try and interfere. It was tricky because I was being told by health visitors to do things like baby-led weaning from 6 months but because my mum hadn't had a baby in 20 years she was still set in the 'purrees at 12 weeks' mind-set etc. I also think it can be a bit hard for them to let go and accept you're growing up, we were thinking about moving out before I had Oliver and they were really against it, telling us to save up some money first but I think really they just didn't totally want to let me go!

On the other hand though, it is lovely to have additional help and support from parents, now I live away from home I really do miss that! xx

 

[KatieMichhele]

she probably is only trying to help, but i can see how it would be frustrating, its like my mum said after my lg was born, people will always give there two cents and sometimes it might be something usefull, but at the end of the day your her mum and you know whats right for your baby. Try just sitting down with your mum and just explain how you feel, you appreciate the help and love that she is there for you but you need to make your own descisions as a mum and learn as you go xx

 

[kassiaethne]

I will totally trade you the tummy tub for this giant tub his boss bought us *grumbles* it doesn't end with moms it's everyone thinks they have their two cents and buys you tons of crap you didn't want. example...giant tub that takes up my whole bathroom so it's..okay I digress...

But the point is everyone has that same problem of people buying things just because they are excited and think it's what you'll need. Just say thank you and get whatcha want later if it doesn't work for you (I gave this giant tub thing a chance...yeah no...getting the tummy tub)

And as to her choosing when and where she weens and such, as soon as she sees you step up and really parent I bet she will slowly begin to back off and stop being such a hovering mama bird. Even my mother in law kept saying things while she was here visiting for a week and checking how I breast fed (did I mention she kissed LO bye WHILE he was feeding off my breast...ever know what your mother in law's hair feels like brushing against your boob????!!!!! I do -.-)

What I did was take everything under consideration and if it worked well, awesome thanks for the tip, if not, lesson learned and I could point out how it wasn't working for LO. Or show how my way was working better. By the end MIL had backed off her high horse of advice feeling that she got heard and such but could see I was doing well on my own with him too.

Not to say there aren't going to be points where you'll just have to put your foot down, but I would wait for those moments to come and show themselves and deal with them then, rather then anticipate and dread em when they may not happen or be as bad as you'd think.

one thing that helped me with proving points was research. prove your way is the better way now a days and the other is outdated. Such as giving food by 6 weeks is now found to be bad, not good. ect ect.


oh well hope it helps! I know I'm not a teen but I think this is a problem alot of people run into, not just living at home, but as soon as a baby is born...everyone and their mother is suddenly a baby expert and you should listen to them...like you have no brain or ability to come to your own conclusions. Good luck!!!

 

[ClairAye]

She does just sound excited but I know it can be frustrating, unfortunately it's just what mums do. My mum did interfere a lot to start, like she hadn't heard of reflux so it must not exist, she went and bought him a different brand of bottle thinking that would help But there are lots of times looking back that I realise she was just trying to help.

It got better after a few months though, I think they just need the time to realise that you need to learn and that you are capable of looking after a baby.

Definitely be nice but firm though, just let her know that you appreciate the advice but you want to figure things out for yourself

 

[Mummy1995]

Sorry not really got much advice but I have the same issue now. But with my mum, dad, LITTLE sister, even my nan. Even though Isabella is 1!! It's so frustrating, but I've mostly learnt to just ignore them now. That or scream at them depending on my mood haha! X

 

[dairymomma]

I'm 28, happily married with 2 kids (ages 2 and nearly 4), and been out of the house for over 8 years already and my mom STILL likes to give me advice when I'm home for a visit. I usually just let it go in one ear and out the other. It's easy for me to do because I also live 8 hours away from my parents but if you set boundaries, usually the parents will listen.

 

[LeahLou]

I know you've already gotten a TON of great advice, but I figured I'd add in my 2 cents

When I was 19 and preggo with Emilia, I went into preterm labor at 28 weeks due to the extreme stress from living with my abuse sperm donor. I decided after a month and a half stuck in the hospital on bed rest, that I'd move back in with my parents and end things with him.
As soon as I walked into my parents house, everything had already not only been decided, but set up for me for when Emmy was born!
While I was thankful for everything they had done, I didn't want my baby's crib in the other room, I didn't want to formula feed, I wanted to baby wear, etc.. I was really scared to voice my opinion because my relationship with my mom was just getting back on track. But I also wanted to be a mom and NEEDED to be a mom. After having a "false alarm", running to the hospital, to be sent home babyless, I decided I really wanted my baby to come home to what I wanted for her, not what my mom wanted for her.
So, I finally sat down with her and explained how much I loved and appreciated all her help and support and I wouldn't have it any other way except that I needed her support on becoming a mother myself. It was my turn to make the decisions. She handled it REALLY well and it made us closer because she gave me advice but when I needed it.

Just be honest with her and let her know that it's your turn and she can chill out, lay back, and be grandma

If you need anything, just let me know

 

[Isla]

I haven't read ahead. I can understand how this would be frustrating! I think you should pick your battles. Ultimately, does it really matter what the baby is bathed in? Not really - she'll be clean no matter what she is put in. One thing that I would definitely want control over is how your baby is fed. It's no ones business what, when or how the baby eats, except yours!

Hello! Just a bit of advice and reassurance needed really.
I know it's natural for already mums to be, well, mums! Especially with me being young myself. But at the moment I just feel my mums stepping in a little too much and I'm getting a little bit uncomfortable with it.

Already she's made decisions for me as to what she'll be eating and when she'll be weaned and also what she'll be bathed in! I wanted a laying down bath and she insisted I got this 'tummy tub'- which is basically a glorified bucket. I wasn't too keen on it, but she pulls the 'if you've had a baby, you'll know' card and obviously I can't argue with that and it gets a little frustrating. I don't know how to approach it with her that I will want to be doing all these new things- I'm going to be a mum too! But I just have a feeling no matter what I say, she may get upset. And that's the last thing I want. At the end of the day I am going to need her help but when I NEED her help, if you get me. And everyone else I've mentioned this too has told me 'she's just trying to help' which makes me feel like I'm being really ungrateful, and I'm not at all as she's helped me and taken this whole situation sooooo well and I know she's just excited. I'm just scared she's not going to let me go or grow up. Because everytime I mention either moving out later or taking my driving test so I have more freedom or what have you, she gets a little. . . awkward?


At the moment, with all these decisions being made for me and being told what to do, I just feel more like the LO's sister than her mum. I just don't want to not bond with her.

Anyone elses mum like this or have any idea how I can gain maybe a little more control? Ta girlies

 

[skyesmom]

lavapanda, there's another person making decisions on when she'll be fed and weaned and that's YOUR Ladybean. the suggestions your mom makes are ok and it's good she is making them, even though she's a bit way too invasive and self-assured, but she'll get it when the ladybean comes... that Ladybean is a baby, but not HER baby... she is YOURS.
and as much as she might be like you, she is still a unique person of her own and once she comes, you'll understand you'll never be an older sister to her, you are her mom.

and you two will find your own rhythm. as one of the girls said, try to explain your mom how grateful you are for her help, but that she has to understand that ladybean is your baby and that the bond you have with her will be unique, and that it is a thing you and your ladybean have to discover on your own. (which doesn't mean WITHOUT help, it just means it's the deepest connection ever and no one else CAN actually mess around with it!!!!)