My 14yo son just posted to facebook that he is bisexual.

[Scampie]

OK, so I haven't been on here in years but suddenly found a need to come back for an unbiased opinion and some advice. Forgive meas I know it may be long!

My son is 14 and has today run down the stairs, said he didn't know how to tell me, then passed me his phone to see what was a full on facebook post telling people he is bisexual.

Initially I asked if it was a joke, we have all seen those "post certain status if you...." games, but as I read more into it I could see he was actually putting himself out there in his post.

I have absolutely no problem with any sexuality my son chooses. (Any one that does, please do not comment on this post. It has nothing to do with views on sexuality!) I genuinely felt nothing about his confession. I was a touch taken back as I was coming in the door n he threw the phone in my face but I think I pretty much just gave him a high five.

Turns out after further discussion he only decided he was bi a few weeks back, and I fear he has rushed his decision to declare it to the world.

My mum says I should make him remove the status through fear of the repercussions at school. She wants me to keep talking to him about the whys and the whens. My thought is the more I question him, the more he questions himself. The more he questions himself the less confident he feels walking into school tomorrow. I want him to have the confidence to stand tall n say yeh, this is me and if you dont like it you dont matter! If he is questioning himself then he is not gonna walk in with this confidence.

Just looking for some thoughts. Hes had around 50 friends comment on this and all seem to be positive. It seems he has a great group of friends. I just worry about what might happen at school. The kids seem so much more open than they were when I was at school, but I find it difficult to believe there wont be any repercussions from his post.

 

[kosh]

there might be some repercussions, like with everything that is not exactly the norm, some people won't be accepting etc but if you are saying that 50 people have been positive about his post, then maybe that's not even the case and nothing 'bad' happens?
but then, as you say, I think it is much more important to support him and not undermine his confidence. He is probably trying to figure out things about himself and being able to express this (even if it then changes) must have a been a huge effort for him. If you ask him to remove the status you are basically telling him that what the others think of him is more important than what he thinks/feels.

 

[suzib76]

It wouldn't faze me in the slightest if it were my daughter (she is also 14)

Teens nowadays are much more accepting of things than teens in your mums day. I doubt very much that there would be any negative impact for your son tbh, in fact he himself has judged it to be 'safe' to post without huge fear.

As for the reasonings why etc etc I wouldn't ever ask, he may fancy one particular guy or he may just be curious about guys in general or he may just be like myself and realise he is attracted to people rather than gender, so bi covers that. Or he may just be saying it because it's cool. So long as your son knows he can talk to you at any time if he has any problems I wouldn't get hung up over this at all. Obviously it's harder for your mum, maybe ask your son to hide posts like that from her. He shouldn't have to but sometimes it's just easier.

 

[MummyMana]

Congratulations to your son! It takes a lot of bravery to come out publicly, especially during high school age!

Also remember this isn't a decision he's made, so you don't have to worry if he's rushed into it or whatever. Sure, he made the choice to come out, but he didn't choose his sexuality any more than he chose his eye colour

 

[MindUtopia]

I think just keep the lines of communication open and be supportive of him, and make sure he knows you're there in case he needs to talk to you about it more or if anything happens as a result of telling friends. More than likely it's not something he just worked out for himself a few weeks ago, but something that's been churning around inside him for a long time, years likely. Kids know themselves better than we realise. The fact he has such supportive friends at that age is incredible and it should be a testament to how well he knows himself already (he's obviously chosen to surround himself with people who would support him being exactly who he is). More than likely, it's something friends or kids at school may have guessed at already anyway. And the fact that it's out won't be a huge surprise to anyone, including the mean kids who would have something to say about it. There are mean kids who will have something to say about anything - gay, straight, bisexual, whatever. Just make sure the door is open to him to keep talking to you and feel like he can come to you if anything does happen that upsets him. You should feel really proud that you have built the kind of relationship with him that he can come straight to you to tell you about this.

 

[Twinmum87]

I personally would not make him take it down. It may seem like he has rushed into this decision but has he been dating girls whilst in high school? Maybe he has been having mixed feelings for a few years but only recently began to fully understand what he feels.

In high school one of my friend came out as lesbian and another as bisexual thou within a year she decided she felt more and more like she had lost all attraction towards men. They did date boys at school before realising the way they felt. One got a bit of stick but she was bullied prior to announcing anyway. Other never experienced any negativity. 2 male friends of mine however did not announce in high school and were bullied a lot. They got stereotypically type cased based on looks and interests and their refusal to come out when everyone suspected to ended up instigating more negative behaviour from their peers. One announced in college, the other not until in his 20's and you could just see the relief once it was finally out there and they could be 100% themselves around their friends and family. My cousin came out as lesbian at age 20 and tbh, even thou no one in the family or her school mates suspected, looking back now, she never once had a boyfriend or talked about any boys at school. She only came out when she met a lady she wanted a serious relationship.

It takes a lot of bravery to announce and I do feel announcing earlier is better as then they can truly be themselves, not hide who they are. If at a later date he decides well actually, yes I had that exploration and it helped me further understand who I am and how I feel but I now feel like I am heterosexual, it is no harm done really. The people that matter the most will love and support him regardless.

 

[Reid]

I don't think you should take you're nuns advice and ask him to remove it but I think you should talk to him just reassure him you love him no matter what and let him know he can come to you and talk about anything. My brother is gay and my mum wasn't as supportive as she could have been and it drove a wedge Into there relationship she's absolutely fine now and we all think a great deal of his long term partner but back then he really needed his mum to be there and understand and just be there. My cousin also just came out as gay she's 25 and has had boyfriends so was a little surprised but don't give a hoot what she is she's my cousin I love her and ill be there for her simple as that her mum (my mum's sister) is trying she's welcoming and nice to her girlfriend but my cousin knows she's not completely comfortable with it so she holds back won't talk to her about it
I hope that helps
What your son did was put himself right out there and he's obviously thought long and hard about it I think he was very brave xx

 

[Sinclair]

Definitely don't have him remove it, he could have questioning his own sexuality and trying to figure out the proper term to use to come out. It does take a lot of courage to come out, I came out to my mom at the same time my cousin did. She just declared she didn't want to see my cousin and I kissing. Well, we kiss just never in the way she thought of, normal family "OMG so nice to see you" kind of way.

I'm very much bisexual but date men, currently with my SO with many years now and I still look at other girls and we look with each other.

He doesn't have to date other boys to obviously be bisexual, regardless if he wants to or not is totally up to him in the future

Just let him be, if he ever wants to talk about it let him know you'll be there for him.

 

[SarahBear]

I don't think there's anything you need to do about it. If he made a post that is really putting himself out there, he probably put a lot of thought into it himself. If there are any repercussions from it, I think you should support him in the decision he has made, rather than try to make him hide who he thinks he is. Teach him to stand tall, not hide in the closet. Being LGBT is different these days than it was a decade or so ago. I would honestly just continue to not make a big deal about it.

 

[noon_child]

I don't think there is any reason to question his motives or sincerity - if he posted on Facebook "I think I'm heterosexual", no one would be thinking "Don't rush in to it", they'd just accept it as a statement.

If there are repercussions at school then thats outright discrimination and should be dealt with the same way racist and sexist behaviour is. No on would say you should try to hide your race or gender to avoid discrimination, and so its the same with sexuality. Lets stop the culture of victim blaming!