My 4 year old is displaying"challenging behaviour"

[tommyg]

At home he on his own he is fine, but with other kids he just wants to run amok.

Preschool are complaining that they have to work to keep his attention for his work. And during circle time etc he tries to disrupt the other kids (tbh I think he is trying to get them to play with him).

They are suggesting having him assessed but I'm scared he will end up with a label that other changes would prevent.

 

[Neko]

Four year old boy are bundles of energy. It's really not unusual for a preschool/kindergarten to complain about the boy's behavior. When my son was in the same preschool class my DD is in now, I used to dread pickup time. His teacher complained about his lack of attention/energy every time I got him from class.

He's 15. I have a hard time getting him to move off the couch now.

 

[Andypanda6570]

Assessed??????? For what, for acting like a 4 yrold? If there was a problem he would be that way at home, no? My oldest now 24 was a nightmare until he was 7..It was the opposite for me, at home he was a terror , in school he was an angel I am sure your son is fine and I find it incredibly absurd that someone would want him assessed over this..XO

 

[tommyg]

Thank-you both for your replies.

Neko I can identify with dreading pick-up time. He is forever getting put out of circle time because he is disrupting other kids, and yes there are days I dread going to get time because its always "he's done this, he's done that"
There are days I struggle to get him off the couch now never mind at 15.

Andy you are so right if their is a serious issue he would be the same at home. Yes he is always asking questions when we are trying to read him a story, which I can fully understand is very disruptive in a group situation, tonight I'm wondering if we should try to discourage that?

They are hinting that he might have some sort of ADHD or ADD going on. They want the external behaviour woman (sorry I can't remember her proper title) to come in an watch him to see if she things he as something going on, of if it's a phase / something that we need to do to change him.

At the moment I feel I have failed my son who is the sweetest wee guy.

 

[sineady]

I wouldn't think too much into it. Sounds like he's just been a 4 year old boy to me.

 

[Andypanda6570]

Thank-you both for your replies.

Neko I can identify with dreading pick-up time. He is forever getting put out of circle time because he is disrupting other kids, and yes there are days I dread going to get time because its always "he's done this, he's done that"
There are days I struggle to get him off the couch now never mind at 15.

Andy you are so right if their is a serious issue he would be the same at home. Yes he is always asking questions when we are trying to read him a story, which I can fully understand is very disruptive in a group situation, tonight I'm wondering if we should try to discourage that?

They are hinting that he might have some sort of ADHD or ADD going on. They want the external behaviour woman (sorry I can't remember her proper title) to come in an watch him to see if she things he as something going on, of if it's a phase / something that we need to do to change him.

At the moment I feel I have failed my son who is the sweetest wee guy.

OMG you have NOT failed him, he is fine.. My Christopher was a terror, if any kid had ADHD he did But at 7 he was fine, they are boys, they are rambunctious, mischievous , always getting into everything ..
I really feel they are jumping the gun here and shouldn't be..AND NOOOoooo do not discourage him from asking questions, he is supposed to do that? That is normal..You might tell him it would be better till teacher reads the whole story and when she finishes you ask your questions? I wouldn't discourage..Don't feel bad, I am sure he is fine.. People are just ready to label kids now a days and to me that is wrong..XOXOX

 

[tommyg]

Hi thank you so much for your encouragement. Fantastic to know your son has settled by the age of 7.
We are going to try and get him to wait to the bottom of the page before asking questions. I have clearly been thinking an awful lot about this and was wondering if the nursery will little time and space for just running about was maybe not the right place for him. Then tonight I go to collect him, they had an unannounced inspection today, who apparently felt it was too structured honestly I don't know what to think.

It is a small nursery with a max of 20 kids at a time he and I know all of the staff who are all lovely with tons of experience between them and with just a year to go before he starts school I'm loathed to move him.

 

[alibaba24]

my daughter would not sit for stories or anything at preschool its not that uncommon. she does have a short attention span but then she is only a young child. expectations are so high these days its crazy. like you our preschool hinted at asd though not adhd. the education pyscologist observed her. a year and a half down the line I am now. asd has been ruled out by our peadatrician. kind of angry with preschool for a full year and a half of stress and worry convincing myself shes autistic or not

hang in there

 

[Tasha]

Plenty of four year olds can't cope with structure like that hun. That's fine they're only little. If he was assessed it would usually happen over various locations (clinic, school, home) and they would expect to see the behaviour in all of these locations, which clearly he doesn't exhibit them at home.

 

[Natsku]

Sounds like a normal 4 year old. Maria asks questions constantly throughout stories too, I tried getting her to wait until the end of the page before asking, that worked for a while until we both forgot about it, its worth a try. But I wouldn't worry about him, sounds like his preschool is expecting behaviour from him that isn't normal at his age and he's not getting enough time to run around there.

 

[Cattia]

It sounds as though the pre school is too structured. The pre school my DD was at seemed to come up with one problem after another. One week they said we should get her eyes tested because she once held a book up to her face. Next week they said we needed her hearing tested because she wasn't listening in a group situation. After that it was that we needed to get her feet measured as she had fallen over a couple of times and they thought her shoes didn't fit. Then they also started hinting at ASD as they said she zoned out when there was a lot going on (she still does this now). She was two and a half at the time and I just had the strong impression that the key worker had no time for her for some reason. I took her straight out and sent her somewhere else. From day one, her new key worker loved her. She got on amazingly there. There was never a hint of a problem and she transitioned on fine to school despite my enormous anxiety about it all.
I'm not saying that you need to move him, but I do think that some settings just don't 'get' certain kids.
My DS is now at the same pre school that my DD went to (the new one, not the first one obviously!). He sounds very similar to your DS. He is a bundle of energy and his behaviour can be challenging at times. I even had the health visitor round myself because just before DD2 was born he was off the wall. The HV assured me he is totally normal and gave me some strategies for dealing with him. His pre school teacher is amazing and has told his new teacher for September that he needs plenty of outdoor time and space to run around. She says he's doing great and is on track in everything.
Anyway, here I am rambling on about my own kids, but I think my point is that some kids just are the way they are, and it doesn't always mean there is a problem, it just means that they need people to work with them the way they are and not try to tick lots of crazy boxes with their behaviour when they are still so young. I think strategies would be a lot more helpful than assessments at this stage, given what you've written about him.

 

[tommyg]

I'm just so unsure of what to do.
I think logically it's let the Support Teacher give her opinion and see were we go. I'm 90% sure he is not hyperactive. From what I've read / heard on hyperactive kids they wouldn't be the sort to go to a football class and not want to take part, complain the ice is "too slippery" when we tried skating, be superglued to my knee at a balance bike group! Even when DH and I want to get out for a walk he doesn't usually want to come, he'd rather stay put and play with his toys.
Low on attention span maybe!?! We can put some energy and effort into that - I've little over a year until he must be in school.
Thanks again for your comments it's been so good to hear other peoples thoughts.

 

[alibaba24]

my 5 year old has a very short attention span and it does make her look like shes hyperactive but we were given her some techniques to help. no harm in letting them look at him

 

[OmarsMum]

Does he like his teachers? Does he like it there? This is an important thing to look into.

Omar is so active at home but at school he concentrates and is too quiet. He goes to several classes and all his teachers comment on how well behaved he is and they positively comment on his concentration.

He started piano classes when he turned 4, he was doing well until they changed his tutor, since then all what I started to receive is criticism and complains. His tutor complained about his concentration and his lack of commitment to his work. She used to come out from the class fuming and always complaining. After 22 classes it wasn't working. He even asked us to take him out. We enrolled him in another place for 4 trial classes , his new tutor was amazed with his concentration and skills, he played 6 different notes with no issues.

We had 2 classes left in his old institute, his old tutor left & he was assigned a new tutor, again she was so impressed with his skills & concentration.

When he had his last class with his old teacher and she started to complain I told her clearly that she is the only one who complains about his concentration & maybe just maybe the issue was with her not him.

 

[OmarsMum]

And I attended few classes with Omar at his school almost all reception students were over the teacher when she was explaining the poem. Other than Omar and another 2 students all were all around the place sometimes when I drop Omar a late, I stay and look from the window, no one is sitting quietly they all moving around going from one table to another.

 

[Cattia]

Does he like his teachers? Does he like it there? This is an important thing to look into.

Omar is so active at home but at school he concentrates and is too quiet. He goes to several classes and all his teachers comment on how well behaved he is and they positively comment on his concentration.

He started piano classes when he turned 4, he was doing well until they changed his tutor, since then all what I started to receive is criticism and complains. His tutor complained about his concentration and his lack of commitment to his work. She used to come out from the class fuming and always complaining. After 22 classes it wasn't working. He even asked us to take him out. We enrolled him in another place for 4 trial classes , his new tutor was amazed with his concentration and skills, he played 6 different notes with no issues.

We had 2 classes left in his old institute, his old tutor left & he was assigned a new tutor, again she was so impressed with his skills & concentration.

When he had his last class with his old teacher and she started to complain I told her clearly that she is the only one who complains about his concentration & maybe just maybe the issue was with her not him.

This was our experience too, it was one particular teacher who always had issue with DD. I think if the concerns are coming from several people or places then it's worth looking into but in our case I honestly feel like the teacher just didn't like my daughter for whatever reason.

 

[BrittRashel]

My DS has been diagnosed with ADHD but at the same time, it is frustrating because I do feel like they have ridiculous expectations at times. I am not saying that he is not a somewhat challenging child but we don't have that many problems at home but the way the school talks about him, you would think he was just this awful kid. The school was convinced he had ODD and when his counselor found this out, she was furious. Even she said that they are expecting way too much out of a 6 year old. He is a really sweet kid. He is kind and gentle but they push him and push him until he gets frustrated and snaps. I mean, when you have a counselor who deals with kids all day long telling you that the school is a lot of the problem, I feel pretty confident in my irritation with the school. Now given that, the positive side of him being officially diagnosed with ADHD, the school is now required by law to give him extra time with his assignments and they cannot be as hard on him. 4 is awful young to be diagnosed though. I don't know about your area but in the states, most counselors will not diagnose until they are 6. I don't know what all you are willing to try but I took DS off of most processed sugars and flour, opting for natural sugars (honey, pure maple syrup, etc.) and whole wheat flour which are easier for the body to break down and that seems to help a lot. It's impossible to always avoid but I can tell a big difference in his behavior the days that he has sugar and white flour.

 

[tommyg]

I do think they are expecting too much of him. With not enough space for him to really run and burn off some steam.
The concerns are really just from preschool (but at the moment he doesn't have any clubs etc) who seem to be presenting a united front that there is an issue. I do get the feeling one teacher just doesn't like him but don't get that vibe from the others.

I'm more than willing to try diet, I do know artificial sweeteners do send him a tad wild so keeping an eye on diet and reducing his TV time.

When did you first notice signs something was different in your DS?
Yes I think 4 is too young to be labelled but I get the feeling preschool are wary of being accused of missing something.

Alibaba what sort of techniques were you given?

I'm thinking when they bring the support teacher in that she will initially look at techniques to improve his concentration span. She could also say it's an environmental thing.