my 4 yr olds behaviour. need help!!!

[loobo83]

Hiya ladies

My eldest is 4yrs old, soon to be 5 in a couple of months. I also have a 2 yr old son and am currently 30 weeks preg with my 3rd.
Anyway Jacks (my eldest) behaviour at the minute has been so bad that I had to go to my room and have the biggest cry ever. He doesnt do what he is told, when i tell him off he smirks, Hes forever winding his little brother up which then makes him scream. He is wearing me down and I hate to say it but I dread waking up in the morning just now as its like deja vu over and over again. Doesnt help that the weather has been awful here but surely I thought by his age he should at least be able to do what he is told.
He gets grounded, sent to his room, things taken away from him etc etc. Nothing works. I am at my wits end and feel like my son is the worst behaved kid ever as every other kid i see out and about with their parents dont act as he does.

I feel like such a bad mum and I know my hormones cant be helping at the moment but I feel awful that as soon as i wake up I am already looking forward to bed time. Im just not enjoying my time with him just now which also makes me feel like a shit mum. I love him to bits but am clueless on what to do now.

Any experience or advice is greatly appreciated. Like I said he gets punished but nothing seems to be working. Thanks for reading xxxxxxxx

 

[MikaylasMummy]

You poor thing =( I can't imagine going through another pregnancy with two kids to look after!!
U obviously need to find a punishment he hates as he's clearly not that bothered by the ones you try.lol.is there somewhere he goes regularly that he loves that you can stop for as long as his behaviour doesn't improve?making him do boring chores?
Or possibly even a rewards system with stickers on a chart he can see and develop rules for what he gets stickers for and what they get taken away for.giving him a prize when he gets to a certain number of stickers(make it achievable and the prize small) and maybe tell him at a bigger amount of stars he gets to pick a toy from the toy shop(if u can afford that otherwise maybe promise him a day out for ice cream at the park just you and him)
This could also keep him busy as you can make an extras list to earn an extra star by giving him chores like cleaning his room properly ect.

 

[smelly07]

maybe its an attention thing...?

he could be worried about the new baby too, have you spoke to him to ask him why he does what he does, he is at school age so i agree should understand and definitely knows that is behaviour isnt good.

If it was me i would talk to him to see if there is an underlying problem for his behaviour, try and spend some 1:1 quality time with him (if possible) even if its an hour a day doing something he enjoys.............even if thats watch his favourite dvd with popcorn on a rainy day....
I would ignore the bad beaviour as much as possible and anything really bad what ever 'punishment' as such, given would be consistent and always follow through threats.

xxx

 

[seoj]

I like the reward idea... I was going to suggest the same. Instead of punishment for bad behavior (although there should be consequences)- if you had a reward system for doing good, then he might focus more on that behavior (?)- it really just depends on what works for your child. For my SD, we used to use a sticker system and she'd get a sticker for doing this or that... like not argueing (as she was very good at that arond 9-10yrs old!)- etc... and in time, she could add the stickers up for a treat. Like going out for ice cream or having as sleep over... whatever things your child finds enjoyable etc... we never took stickers away or used them as punishment. ONLY rewards. But there were consequences for not listening etc... those were usually tougher. But being sent to her room (for her) seemed to work best. Then, when she calmed down, we would sit down together and talk through things. Obviously that only works well if the child is old enough to talk through- but even at 4yrs old, they do have some basic understanding of things and there are ways (age appropriate) to talk through feelings. That way our SD always felt "heard"- but that didn't mean she got her way.

Another thing I found that worked great for my SD was giving options. She still had to do the things I asked, but she felt like she had some control over it. Like if she wanted to go out and play- but had to clean her room... I'd say, right now, you can either clean this part or your room or that part of your room (just for example)- then you can go play. She got to play, but when I felt it time... and she still had options and felt empowered and not just told what to do. So she wasn't told no, just given options and had to pick one.

Like above suggested- the 1:1 time is also important. So you can totally focus on him and not all else going on in life. I know that's tough- as it's hard to find that balance... but even just a good 15mins of time together doing something simple is nice

Hope that all made sense... best of luck!