My baby WONT let me spend time with my toddler :(

[Gym knickers]

I really need some advice ladies. I feel really sad and like something needs to change. I breastfed my first until 6 months and she then went on to formula. She was happy, calm and confident with anyone. I could do my housework and she'd play happily at my feet or with hubby. We took turns putting her to bed. I did loads with her as she got older- baking, crafts, days out etc.
I'm now still breastfeeding DD2 and I'm not sure if this is the problem. She WILL NOT allow me to sit and play with DD1 or even have her on my lap. She constantly follows me around crying and rubbing her face on my top. She wails if I'm up at the table with DD1 and pulls her jigsaws or drawings off the table or pulls her hair. Even if I try to cuddle them both she cries and thrashes around until poor DD1 cries and gets down. I have to be the one to put her to bed as she feeds to sleep but recently she cries for around half an hour before settling too. I can't keep DD1 up waiting for me so hubby always puts her to bed- she cries for me so I go in to kiss her every night but the baby is normally crying as I do it.
We used to be inseperable but she's constantly fighting for me and losing!
Tonight hubby is away so I tried to put the baby down at 7.15 and said DD1 could stay up an hour late and watch a film with me. DD2 cried off an on the whole time. It was so stressful and upsetting DD too- I had to keep leaving her to go up there.
The baby won't go to anyone else- including hubby if I am in the room (she's fine when I'm at work), she screams for attention a lot and is rarely happy to play on the floor for more than 10 mins.
I adore her, she is so gorgeous and I love our amazing bond but I miss my time with my older little girl. I'm wondering if I stopped bf whether she would be a bit more independent. But I was desperate to make it to 12 months at least and what if I stopped and she didn't change- I would feel like I've failed. Totally stuck for ideas

 

[BunnyN]

When you stop breastfeeding her you might find she just needs more comfort in other ways which just ends up more work. Could you get OH to take DD2 out for a walk or something and spend the time doing something nice with DD1? Even if its just 10 mins to start with. My two have always been keen on going out for a walk and are more likely to forget about being with me so it could help her bond with OH too.

DD always liked spending time with her dad. DS is a mummies boy. Recently OH has been feeding more solid food meals to him and spending a bit of time with him when I'm not there and it has made a big difference. If he sees me he cries for me so I have to leave him with OH in a room and close the door. He cries a bit then most of the time he is fine.

 

[bumpbear]

I agree. We got through a similar situation by DH taking my son out for walks while I spent time with my daughter. Eventually, he bonded enough with his dad that he would happily spend time with him while I played with DD in the same room together. That led on to hin realizing that he shares me with his big sister and that she is entitled to time with me too. I can tend to her when she needs me and we also all play together (dance parties and musical instruments are a good way to play together). Don't get me wrong, he does naturally still take up the bulk of my time and there are days when they have sibling rivalry for my attention, but it's much better than it was.

The baby is always going to frustrate the eldest by ruining their games, not much can be done about that. DS is always ruining our matching games and puzzle time by knocking it all off the table or stealing pieces to chew on. We just play games that can't easily be messed up by him when he is around now.

Also, do bear in mind that the youngest can be a bit needier in comparison to the eldest, because in reality they aren't getting all the time they need. Remember that DD1 had your undivided attention when she was a baby but DD2 has had to share you the whole time. I used to forget that and get sad that my time with DD was taken away from the two of us, but then when I think about what DD got that DS can't by very fact of hin being youngest, I feel guilty for him too. Mothers guilt sucks ass.