My baby's dad has bad anger issues, please help?

[Cassie96]

When I met my boyfriend (now ex) he was the kindest, sweetest person I'd ever met and treated me like royalty. The relationship was great but within 3 months I found I was pregnant. He was happy but I wasn't so sure because I'm still young (im 16 and so is my ex) but decided to keep it because I knew I would be able to cope and I felt like it was destine to be.

At 14 weeks I had a really bad bleed when i was out with him and when i told him he walked off and left me crying, i was then taken to hospital and found out everything was fine but after I became really depressed for some time, this put a strain on the relationship as I didn't want to leave the house, I was scared about everything, even going to the toilet incase I found blood. He wasn't there for me at all and he used to constantly put me down, swear at me, called me horrible names and made me feel guilty for not going up his house and not having sex with him but at the time i believed it was my fault.

at about 20 weeks I finally felt a lot better in myself and me and him started to get back on track, I forgive him for everything he said and did but then once when I went to his there was a massive whole in his living room door and when I asked him about it he said it just cracked, I didn't believe him and later was told by his mum that he punched it through. Again about 2 weeks later i was at his and he got really angry at his mum for no reason and started screaming and swearing at her then slammed the door and went upstairs. he started punching the walls in his bedroom and throwing things around when I went to see if he was okay his room was trashed, he'd broken his draws and smashed his telly and ps3, I'd told him how scared I was and he promised it wouldn't happen again, but it happened several times after that, he'd loose his temper for no reason and then blame it on me and tell me I caused it.

At 27 weeks everything got worse and things ended in him telling me he was going to commit suicide, and every conversation we had always ended in him screaming at me for nothing. He's also very jealous so he made me delete my Facebook, he deleated all my male friends out of my phone and stopped my contact with my friends all together. He would have a go at me for wearing makeup or doing something nice with my hair. i also didnt want to have sex so he used to tell me he was going to sleep with other girls because he missed having sex. i used to go to bed crying every night an finally decided to end it in November.

We have been split up ever since but he hasn't left me alone, I've always told him the dates for my appointments, scans and everything but he hasn't turned up to any of them, he's only came to one midwife appointment and my dating scan, since then I've had all my routine appointments and 5 scans.
He sends me over 300 texts a day all asking me to take him back and when i say no i get called names, sworn at, thretened and then he turns it around on me and makes me feel like its my fault. Hes recently just told me that If i dont get back with him he will kill himself and that when our child is older ill have to explain why her daddy killed himself. He's also told me he doesn't want to be at the birth because he never wants to see me again. He hasn't baught anything for our child, I've baught everything and he never asks about the pregnancy or if I'm okay...

I honestly have tried my very best and couldn't of done any more to control the situation.

I have a family nurse/health visitor who visits me weekly and she knows more about the situation, she thinks I'm very mature for my age and constantly tells me that I couldn't of tried harder. she's worried for mine and my childs health and well being because of the stress he causes me. i want him to be a good dad and i want him to be in my childs life but she thinks I should consider my options about letting him in my childs life as she doesn't believe he will be a good role model.

I'm now 38 weeks pregnant and I'm scared about how things will be when our child is born, he's showed no interest in the baby up to now and if he cant control his anger whilst I'm pregnant what will happen when she's born?
Please reply,
i need some advice...

 

[Lucy139]

Sorry your going through this!!. My advice to you would be that sometimes In life you have to say enough is enough, do u really want someone like this around you and your baby, cutting all ties is probably not the answer but seeking help so that he can have supervised visits is probably the best thing to do for you and your child. Having a baby at any age isn't easy but especially when your only young yourself ( I had my son when I was 17). You don't need this kind of stress. As for him saying he will kill himself maybe he needs some kind of medical help, is there anyway you could persuade him to do this?!

Good luck with the birth of your baby and hope this is all sorted out for you soon x

 

[Cassie96]

Thanks for the advice, I wouldn't cut him out of her life because I believe every child should have a mother an a father but not I'm rethinking because of the way he acts.
I've tried asking him to see a counciler but he tells me he's fine. I've even asked his family to get him some help but they won't do anything because he won't listen to anybody.
When I ended it, he told me he was taken to hospital to have his stomach pumped because he had overdosed but later found out it was a lie.
He's far too immature and doesn't understand what he's putting me through.

 

[Lucy139]

He sounds very immature lets hope when he meets baby it will be a big eye opener for him, I think men struggle to understand what kind of strain pregnancy has on people and how there behaviour can also affect baby!! If he keeps hassling you, you could get a restraining order taken out again him, he could still see baby is there anyone who could take baby too him like a family member so then you have to have very little contact with him?! Xx

 

[Dezireey]

Hun he is a messed up person, real messed up. Its not whether you would not want someone like that around your child, its that you SHOULD not, ever have someone who behaves that way around your child.

Because he is so young ( unlike my ex who is also messed up) then he has time to get his life on track. Its like being an alcoholic, only he can change things and only he can come to his senses and grow up. I think being a father has freaked him out but there are other things going on in his life by the sounds of it that are making him behave like a fruitcake.

I think you should stay away from him, maybe give him well supervised access to his child at your house ( if he asks for that) but never leave him alone with your baby. If he cant cope with relationship problems and he has temper tantrums, how do you think he will react to a screaming, crying, demanding newborn? Keep him away, his stress levels and temper fuse is way too short.

 

[Dream.dream]

Sounds like typical abusive manipulative guy. All sweet at first to lure you in then the real them comes out and they try and manipulate you heart to get you to stay.

I suggest you talk to a social worker and a lawyer . If you think he'll be a danger to you an your baby you can get things set up so he only gets supervised visits and a minimal amount of time. Courts can also order him to take anger management parenting and all sorts of classes an therapy .

 

[Elizax]

Woah, regardless of the fact that every child needs a mother and father, I would NOT let this guy near my child.

There's going to be days when LO backchats him, cries constantly, throws tantrums, throw in the sleepless night and you've got stress on top of that.
What is he going to do then?

What if he throws something and accidentally hurts LO or shouts/screams at LO?
Damages LOs toys?

I'm sorry but he needs help and if not I think you should go for supervised access. It's not worth the risk

 

[Cassie96]

I feel like its all my fault and I know I shouldn't, he constantly blames me for all this