My best Friend is pregnant

[Callyboo]

I feel a rant coming on :

My boyfriend and I have been TTC for 2 years and nothing, nada, zip. Now, no one knows we have been TTC, we just thought it was personal, and we did not want to get hopes up and have that constant pressure. We've been trying and hoping and planning. It's been a very long journey and honestly it's been stressful. I feel like it shouldn't be this hard, you know? For some people its magical or even an accident.

So, Today i was visiting my best friend and BOOM she is pregnant =) I am happy for her, so happy. She is my best friend and i love that she is being blessed. but i have to be honest, as she kept talking and showing me pictures/videos of how she told her husband and family i just kept feeling my heart sink.

I don't want to have these bad vibes around me. I should be extremely happy for her and not compare us. But one thing is thinking that and another thing is feeling it.

*Deep Sigh*

 

[Ltruns33]

I feel a rant coming on :

My boyfriend and I have been TTC for 2 years and nothing, nada, zip. Now, no one knows we have been TTC, we just thought it was personal, and we did not want to get hopes up and have that constant pressure. We've been trying and hoping and planning. It's been a very long journey and honestly it's been stressful. I feel like it shouldn't be this hard, you know? For some people its magical or even an accident.

So, Today i was visiting my best friend and BOOM she is pregnant =) I am happy for her, so happy. She is my best friend and i love that she is being blessed. but i have to be honest, as she kept talking and showing me pictures/videos of how she told her husband and family i just kept feeling my heart sink.

I don't want to have these bad vibes around me. I should be extremely happy for her and not compare us. But one thing is thinking that and another thing is feeling it.

*Deep Sigh*

I honestly think this is the hardest part of lttc. Washington Post did an article on Facebook and infertility, and called it a minefield. I thought that was a great word for it. But real life is that way too. One of my friends/coworkers recently told me she was pregnant. I can at least appreciate the lack of her blowing up the newsfeed. I hate the fact that Facebook has sucked the life out of big life moments. The second people are engaged, it's on Facebook. Bfps turn into, "how can we reveal this on fb in a cute way?" ... Side rant over.

I hurt for you because I know that same heart wrenching feeling. I hurt for you because I know that same dilemma. Happy vs. heartbroken. Let me encourage you..do NOT get sucked into feeling guilty for your feelings. Heartbreak and emotional strain in our situation is oh.so.natural. Get used to feeling conflicted and hurt and feeling like you have to hide your hurt so as not to come off bitter/jealous. I told a friend how I felt once about her baby sonogram/reveal and how much it hurt me bc I had recently had a miscarriage..well I basically got told "sorry for your loss, but you really should learn to be happy for others." Ouch. Thanks for the sympathy.

My biggest advice (that I have to take all the time to avoid getting sucked into the negativity/sadness) is not to focus on HER having what you don't have. Focus on that little ones LIFE. The miracle of life that only lttc people can appreciate. The second I start appreciating life and the creation of new life and the hope of new life, is when sadness and bitterness have no place in my heart. I do get sad, I do get bitter and depressed, especially after lttc and a miscarriage. But when I see a sonogram picture, and it annoys me that the mother puts that on fb..I focus on the little outline of the head, or the sac that is forming new life and think "wow, look at that LIFE. That womb isn't empty anymore!" Then I just pray that God (I do believe in a Creator God) will bring life and healing to my womb.

One really humbling moment for me was that a friend told us she was expecting and I got really sad/jealous. Her whole pregnancy I couldn't really be close to her. Then, when her baby was born, she had very serious heart issues and health problems. I was so humbled bc in my heart I felt like ttc/pregnancy was so easy for her! Then her baby came and the sweet precious life was so hard at first. I guess I tell you that to say, no mothers journey is easy, even if ttc was easy.

Hang in there and keep your head focused of the positive.

 

[longing]

Hello! Just thought I would give you my thoughts. I have 2 best friends who now have 3 children between them, and one is TTC again. All while we have been TTC with no luck at all. I think it is ok to feel sad and bitter and I completley understand the heart sinking feeling, its kinda unavoidable. My advice is just try not to let those feelings take over. I love being a part of those children's lives. I can be the fun one who turns up and plays with them, while also giving my friends a hand. Sometimes it is hard, especially when we are all together and it seems glaring obvious that I am without. But mostly its lovely to be part of another persons life. Have a cry when you need to but children give out a lotta love, take some of that. If your friend starts talking too much about pregnancy or it gets to you just ask her to lay off a bit (but nicely) I'm sure she would understand. Good luck and sending you strength xx

 

[Emmi]

Nothing more to add that hasn't already been said but I think how you feel is totally natural. I am tired of always being so happy for others - when will it be time for everyone to be happy for me

Everyone and anyone around me is getting pregnant and giving birth and much as this is wonderful - it hurts like hell.......You don't want to feel bitter, envious etc but we are only human........

I learnt last week that my first IVF had failed and heartbroken is an understatement.....And a lot of my cycling buddies are now all getting there BFP'S......And of course I am so happy for them as their struggles are the same as mine - but I cannot describe the pain and unfairness of it all......

I think it's about believing that good things happen to good people - we have to believe that our moment has yet to come.....

x

 

[wannabemummyb]

I have a couple of close friends, who have kids, and I totally adore the kids, we are the cool aunt and uncle who give them presents etc. it hurts that when i go out with that group of friends I am the only one without kids but i get on with it. I equally adore my nephew who was conceived the first month his parents tried.

However, the women I thought was my best friend got pregnant, she didnt want the baby and despite knowing our struggles she discussed it all with me. Which was hard but i supported her even though it hurt like hell. I then managed to miraculously get pregnant and three weeks after find out lost the baby. At that time i really needed her but she had no interest in supporting me, in fact kept making upsetting and insensitive comments to me.....like i was lucky not to have to be pregnant as its awful to give up mayo etc! I have continued to try to support her but still get nothing back so have distanced myself.

Its tough when someone close gets pregnant and i hope your friend is sensitive to you

 

[VeryBigMelons]

I can totally relate to your situation! It seems these feelings are pretty commonplace and nothing to be ashamed of, so please don't feel like a bad person. I recently have been battling with feelings of jealousy towards my friend/boss who has just announced she's pregnant after her first cycle of trying. DH and I have been ttc 22 months and nothing. We also haven't tols anyone about ttc. We all just have to cling to the hope that good things come to those who wait!

 

[Callyboo]

I honestly think this is the hardest part of lttc. Washington Post did an article on Facebook and infertility, and called it a minefield. I thought that was a great word for it. But real life is that way too. One of my friends/coworkers recently told me she was pregnant. I can at least appreciate the lack of her blowing up the newsfeed. I hate the fact that Facebook has sucked the life out of big life moments. The second people are engaged, it's on Facebook. Bfps turn into, "how can we reveal this on fb in a cute way?" ... Side rant over.

I hurt for you because I know that same heart wrenching feeling. I hurt for you because I know that same dilemma. Happy vs. heartbroken. Let me encourage you..do NOT get sucked into feeling guilty for your feelings. Heartbreak and emotional strain in our situation is oh.so.natural. Get used to feeling conflicted and hurt and feeling like you have to hide your hurt so as not to come off bitter/jealous. I told a friend how I felt once about her baby sonogram/reveal and how much it hurt me bc I had recently had a miscarriage..well I basically got told "sorry for your loss, but you really should learn to be happy for others." Ouch. Thanks for the sympathy.

My biggest advice (that I have to take all the time to avoid getting sucked into the negativity/sadness) is not to focus on HER having what you don't have. Focus on that little ones LIFE. The miracle of life that only lttc people can appreciate. The second I start appreciating life and the creation of new life and the hope of new life, is when sadness and bitterness have no place in my heart. I do get sad, I do get bitter and depressed, especially after lttc and a miscarriage. But when I see a sonogram picture, and it annoys me that the mother puts that on fb..I focus on the little outline of the head, or the sac that is forming new life and think "wow, look at that LIFE. That womb isn't empty anymore!" Then I just pray that God (I do believe in a Creator God) will bring life and healing to my womb.

One really humbling moment for me was that a friend told us she was expecting and I got really sad/jealous. Her whole pregnancy I couldn't really be close to her. Then, when her baby was born, she had very serious heart issues and health problems. I was so humbled bc in my heart I felt like ttc/pregnancy was so easy for her! Then her baby came and the sweet precious life was so hard at first. I guess I tell you that to say, no mothers journey is easy, even if ttc was easy.

Hang in there and keep your head focused of the positive.[/QUOTE]















Thank you for your words. They mean so much to me. I am glad for this forum, i can hear advice from miles away. I will listen to your words my friend. Thank you for your kindness =)

 

[Callyboo]

It's been wonderful reading your words. Thank you all. I feel like i have many new friends. My heart feels better, I am no longer broody. I will try to be more positive and not compare each other. I especially will be thinking of the little ones life.
You all are great,
thank you

 

[twinklemama]

Hi there! I know how u were feeling cally. My 2 bestest friends in the world had babies last year. After I had a good cry and felt sorry for myself when I heard their news, my cousin said the one thing that has kept me going thru every pregnancy announcement since, she said "You want YOUR baby, not theirs", and she's right. Yes it's hard seeing them with their boys but they're not mine so I just have to keep praying that one day I'll have my own baby in my arms! xo

 

[DAISYPRENCESS]

Hi, I can tell that about 4 years ago when my friend told me she was expecting ( I had been trying for more than 2 years at the time) I was surprised by myself. I was so happy for her. I think that I felt like I was pregnant myself. I was with her all her pregnancy. Holding my hands on her belly and feeling every little movement . That was one of the best moments in my live. Now her son is almost 3 and a half and she told me they might start trying for a second one after the holidays. And I am almost 100% sure she will conceive before me. And again I will be happy for her. This time I live 2000 miles away but in my mind and heard I will be with her.
xxxxxxxxx

 

[hans2009]

I just popped into this forum and saw this. I wanted to let you know that I went through the same thing for years. My husband and I were trying to 4 years and all of his friends were getting pregnant (he's 7 years older than me and my friends) and it was hard for us. When my friends started getting pregnant I was ready to give up! In June I did give up trying. We contacted adoption agencies but decided $15,000 up front just for the agency fees was too much and made an appointment to see why we weren't getting pregnant. 2 days before the appointment I got my positive.

I'm not trying to brag about being pregnant, I know the stress and depression that comes along with not being able to get pregnant but I wanted to let you know that it will happen! It took us 4 years and we never had any assistance and finally got pregnant! It will happen just keep your head up!