My boyfriend was in a deadly car crash and I'm 4 weeks along

[Cierralynne]

So here's the story. I'm 17, and my boyfriend is 19. We actually concieved on the morning of his car accident. His best friend passed away, and his sister went brain dead just days later (they were also in the car) my boyfriend, however, survived. Has been in a medically induced coma for 3 weeks and a half weeks and just woke up today. I told his mother that I was pregnant and I told my mom. And his mom told me not to stress him out when he wakes up and in his jest couple weeks. I know for a fact that he will be happy and wants to do all this baby stuff with me because we were actually trying to have a baby. And now it sucks so much because of his sister passing away, him being in the coma and he has broken legs, arm, and colar bone and brain damage. I'm so scared. I'm happy he woke up today though but all my worries are still here. So yeah, any experiences? Probably not. Lol but anything will help.

 

[mayb_baby]

Hi, first off congrats on your pregnancy
I'm Lorna 22, I have a son who will be 3 on Christmas Eve.
So sorry I'm of no help but that's a lot to deal with for anyone let alone being pregnant, hope your OH comes around and makes a full recovery and sorry for the loss of his sister and friend

 

[x__amour]

Welcome to BnB! I'm Shannon, 22, I have an almost 3 year old and am pregnant with #2. I live in Florida as well.

I am so, so sorry to hear about the accident, I cannot imagine how absolutely heartbreaking that is.
I hope that your OH has a speedy recovery. Always here if you need to talk.

 

[SarahMUMMY]

Welcome to BnB! Im Sarah, 18 got a little boy called Riley who is 19months and im 27weeks with our very special baby girl!

First off congratulations on your pregnancy!
Secondly, im very sorry to hear about the car accident.. His mums right, as much as you want to make him happy and things telling him your pregnant will be alot to take in after all the recent events, hopefully he will understand that when you feel its the right time to tell him..

Ive never had an experience like this but i wish your boyfriend a full recovery! and if you ever need to talk im here

 

[MBGibbs]

I can't relate thank goodness, but I wish you all the luck and love you deserve from this day forward. Xxx

 

[krys]

Welcome, and congrats on your pregnancy! My name is Krystal. I am 22 and I have a two year old daughter and a little boy on the way. I'm so sorry to hear about your boyfriends accident, that sounds so heartbreaking... I would give it a little while before you break the news, not too long, but long enough for everything else to sink in. I'm sure he will be thrilled to find out. Wishing him a full and speedy recovery!

 

[Cierralynne]

I think I'm going to wait until hes heard the news of his sister and give him time to greive then let him know slowly.

 

[skyesmom]

it's a good decision there. wait until the news of his sister and his best friend settle in (he has a massive double loss there to deal with!) and then let him know slowly.
but please be aware that the news of your baby might not overjoy him as they would have if all the other things were in order.

he may not be able to focus all his attention on you and on the baby after such a tragedy like this one. he may not be able to joy and enjoy it as much as you'd wish or he'd wish. try not to take that personally. it has nothing to do with you and grief can be overwhelming.
also your little baby can give him an extra reason to live and recover and give him a motive to deal with the challenging times he is in better. but you have to accept that as hard as it seems, you may need to be the strong one here for a while, despite the fact you are pregnant. it's good you can rely on your and his family when you need them, and you should all be there for him with joined forces.

that said, congratulation for your pregnancy and i keep my fingers crossed it all goes for the best for you guys.

ps. who was driving? i hope with all my hear it wasn't your bf because living with such a thing is a hell.

 

[Cierralynne]

His best friend was driving, and his sister was in the passenger seat. None of them were wearing seat belts. And the only reason he survived was bc he was in the backseat.

 

[skyesmom]

that is horrible. i know you are under shock now because of your pregnancy and of course your baby is the most important thing in your life, but be aware that your feelings also may be upside down when the reality of the loss sets in for you. also the shock of almost losing your FOB may kick in for you later.

i think you both should look for a councilor or someone to talk to who can offer professional help (don't think i'm saying you are a nutcase but you guys are so young and have so much on the plate and the more help you find to deal with all the emotions and the situation, the better... and i think as much as your families can be helpful, they are both going through so much at the moment that having advice/help from the outside, from someone who is not directly involved in the entire tragedy alltogether, would be really helpful to everybody).

 

[mayb_baby]

He is so lucky my friends were in a fatal crash 2 in the front survived and my friend in the back died
I agree I think you're both going to need counselling

 

[liveandlove04]

Omg honey so sorry for your stess but congrats on your baby. The fact that he is going to be a father may actually help him cope. 2 losses but 1 gain.

 

[skyesmom]

Omg honey so sorry for your stess but congrats on your baby. The fact that he is going to be a father may actually help him cope. 2 losses but 1 gain.

people are not replaceable though. his sister and his best friend are unique people he will always miss. the fact that he is becoming a father will of course always be a source of infinite joy and motivation and may help him live with the losses in his life, but you can't approximate it to such a simple solution. you don't do maths with people.

and being a father besides being a joy and motive is also an overwhelming responsibility, even when you planned and tried to conceive a baby, and not having his closest people to whom he could talk and share all his inner feelings of being a dad is a HARD HARD hit.

imagine if your best friend and your sister died and never got to see your baby. they never got to see you becoming a mother.
would it hurt any less if your baby was there? no. your baby CAN give you joy, but it can't be a painkiller and it shouldn't be. it is a person of its own. it isn't its (babies) responsibility either.

 

[Night Flower]

I dont think she meant to sound like she was saying loved ones are replaceable. Just trying to be sympathetic to the OP.

 

[skyesmom]

i didn't mean to sound too harsh, it is just that the situation they are in is extremely hard and as much as baby could help him cope, it could as well be overwhelming in a situation they are in. and the OP should be ready to take this into account and accept it. it is really no joke of a situation they are in, none of them, and as i wrote before, i'd look for professional help and assistance to both and to their families.

these are true tragedies and babies on the way or not, people need impartial help in situation like these.

 

[liveandlove04]

Omg honey so sorry for your stess but congrats on your baby. The fact that he is going to be a father may actually help him cope. 2 losses but 1 gain.

people are not replaceable though. his sister and his best friend are unique people he will always miss. the fact that he is becoming a father will of course always be a source of infinite joy and motivation and may help him live with the losses in his life, but you can't approximate it to such a simple solution. you don't do maths with people.

and being a father besides being a joy and motive is also an overwhelming responsibility, even when you planned and tried to conceive a baby, and not having his closest people to whom he could talk and share all his inner feelings of being a dad is a HARD HARD hit.

imagine if your best friend and your sister died and never got to see your baby. they never got to see you becoming a mother.
would it hurt any less if your baby was there? no. your baby CAN give you joy, but it can't be a painkiller and it shouldn't be. it is a person of its own. it isn't its (babies) responsibility either.

I never even used the word replaceable. I'm simply saying with as much loss as he is suffering at the moment maybe he will be able to find some joy in his life knowing that he is going to be a father. Losing 2 people you may feel like there is nothing in the world to be happy about, so maybe this will show him that something good is on it's way.

If you still find something wrong with what I said then I honestly don't have any other explanation for you.

 

[skyesmom]

Omg honey so sorry for your stess but congrats on your baby. The fact that he is going to be a father may actually help him cope. 2 losses but 1 gain.

people are not replaceable though. his sister and his best friend are unique people he will always miss. the fact that he is becoming a father will of course always be a source of infinite joy and motivation and may help him live with the losses in his life, but you can't approximate it to such a simple solution. you don't do maths with people.

and being a father besides being a joy and motive is also an overwhelming responsibility, even when you planned and tried to conceive a baby, and not having his closest people to whom he could talk and share all his inner feelings of being a dad is a HARD HARD hit.

imagine if your best friend and your sister died and never got to see your baby. they never got to see you becoming a mother.
would it hurt any less if your baby was there? no. your baby CAN give you joy, but it can't be a painkiller and it shouldn't be. it is a person of its own. it isn't its (babies) responsibility either.

I never even used the word replaceable. I'm simply saying with as much loss as he is suffering at the moment maybe he will be able to find some joy in his life knowing that he is going to be a father. Losing 2 people you may feel like there is nothing in the world to be happy about, so maybe this will show him that something good is on it's way.

If you still find something wrong with what I said then I honestly don't have any other explanation for you.

sorry i've misinterpreted your words, wasn't my intention! it's just that often people underestimate the entity of the losses and i misinterpreted your phrasing a bit! my mistake!

 

[xZoeyx]

There isn't and won't be a right answer for this type of question. Nobody on this board could possibly tell you what the "right" thing to do is and that's because everyone copes differently.

For example, I know people that if they had been in that situation, the good news would give them the will to live and fight to get better and it would help them grieve..

Whereas I know other people who would want completely leaving alone to cope in their own way and would react badly to news like that even if it was originally planned.

Only you know your OH and only you can make the best guess as to what would be the better option. Either way make sure you make the decision with HIS needs/feelings in mind and not your own.

Good luck, and congratulations.

 

[nic18]

hi & welcome!
congratulations !
no real advice, but I hope he is recovered quickly!

 

[Ashleii15]

Heey, I can't really relate, but I just wanted to say congrats to the both of you! I hope for a quick and easy recovery to your boyfriend!