My child is trying to get me imprisoned.

[Kate&Lucas]

Lucas is mega dramatic at the best of times, during tantrums he'll shout "do you think it's funny when I cry?? It seems like you just like to see me fall down and cry!!"
I have no idea where it comes from.

Well lately he has a new thing to shout - "do you think it's funny to punch me in the face?? Do you think it's nice when you kick me??"
I have never punched or kicked him in his entire life!!! I do not know why he shouts it! He used to sing songs about me punching him or me and his dad punching random objects, which I never understood either and explained to him he shouldn't make up things like that. But this is on a whole other level! He did it while out shopping today, I almost died.

Upto now he only says it during a tantrum and (as far as I know) he's not saying it to anyone seriously, but a) I'm worried he's lying for attention and b) I really need a better way of dealing with it than the look of utter shock and horror he got from me today.

Anyone have any experience with making stuff up, and might be able to help? I'm terrified I'm going to get a knock at the door at this rate!

 

[Mark Lakewood]

I think that you may have answered your own question - Other than disciplining your child for lying, don't show any negative reactions to the behavior (utter shock and horror). Kids often times do and say things just to get a reaction from their parents. In this case, it appears to be working.

Also, if your child is lying, he requires discipline. If behavior goes undisciplined, that gives kids the green light to continue their misbehavior.

I don't think your child wants you imprisoned. I think is is merely pressing your buttons to get the desired the reaction. The answer to your dilemma is to not show your child your buttons and to discipline him for lying per occurrence. This should end this dilemma.

 

[Rachel_C]

I'm not sure how you can not react and also discipline him at the same time. If you want to go down the 'pushing buttons/getting attention' route, even punishment is attention and may not seem so bad to a child.

I wouldn't worry too much about what people will think. Lots of kids say similar things - my youngest told me how daddy hit her on purpose and how he trapped her finger in the door on purpose - he didn't at all! I think most parents will have some sort of experience of this and will know not to take it seriously. Personally, the fact that he's shouting about it would indicate to me that it's not happening. If you were the kind of person to punch him in the face, he'd probably be too scared to yell about it.

I would try not to react too strongly but I think it's good to show some sort of genuine reaction. Perhaps have a standard line you can pull out even when you're too upset to think properly, something like, "It upsets me when you make up stories like that. I love you very much and I would never hurt you" and then just leave it. If he continues, just say "That's not a nice thing to say". If you're calm he's not getting a strong reaction (which I'd guess is the reason he's saying it) but you're not leaving it completely unchallenged.

I wouldn't class it as lying or anything that needs disciplining. 4 is a difficult year where they're feeling more grown up and wanting independence but still little enough to not always be able to control themselves and small things can seem like a big drama!

 

[Jchihuahua]

No advice I'm afraid but I know how embarassing it is as last year Daisy yelled 'You just slammed me into that door!!' in Greggs when I hadn't done a thing. I was mortified. She also once told pre-school that her dad threw her on the floor. Again completely untrue. Thankfully she hasn't said anything like that for a good while now.

 

[seoj]

I've no personal experience- but with anything my toddler does, I always work through it with her. I don't punish or dicipline tbh. I find that there are natural consequences to our actions- even as toddlers. And working with her to solve issues (as best I can) has always been my approach and worked well with her. I can't say it would work the same for all kids- of course. But I would agree with Rachel_C... to keep your response to his dramatic short and simple. And consistent. Don't overact- but it's certainly Ok he knows that it's not ok to make up stories like that. It may take some times- but I'd think he's move past it soon enough.

I can imagine how embarrassing that would be. But certainly not the first kiddo to make things up... I've heard stories my friends have told. Hope he's past it soon!

 

[Kate&Lucas]

Thanks for the replies, it feels better to know other kids do the same!

I really wasn't sure on discipline because it's not necessarily naughty, iykwim? I'll try coming up with something to reply to him then. And definitely be prepared next time. Normally I try to work on natural consequences but I wouldn't think of one for this, calling the police on myself?
I was just so shocked, it's the first time he's said it in public, it was in a shop full of people and it might just be me but I swear you could've heard a pin drop after he said it

 

[MrsPear]

Joni does it too...recently she yelled "Daddy kicks mummy, it's not very nice!" Luckily we were at home but I'm dreading the day she says it at nursery

Obviously you do have to take children seriously but my niece was always at it...she said to me things like, "That man hurts me" and "Grandad pushed me over"... no one ever took her particularly seriously.

 

[RinnaRoo]

Gabriel does that too, not hitting stories, but just off the wall, random stories. Ill just go, ooo ahh, yeah totally, and he will just move on with his day.

 

[JASMAK]

I would (and have) explained the implications of not only lying about it but if someone took it seriously and crying wolf.

 

[MummyMana]

Maybe when he is calm, ask him what makes him say it? Just see what he says, then you can explain to him why he shouldn't say things like that, in a way he will understand if course.

 

[Noodlebear]

See, I don't actually view it as lying as such. He knows as well as you do that you haven't done a thing and he isn't running off and telling tales to get you into trouble so I think he's being imaginative and making up a story or, as you said, just being incredibly dramatic. It's important for him to understand that hitting and kicking are very naughty and he shouldn't pretend that people are being naughty because it might get them into trouble. That's how I would approach it anyway. If he continued to say those things I think I'd then go down any punishment routes as you will have made your expectations around it perfectly clear - he isn't to say those things and by continuing to do so he is being naughty.

 

[LaughOutLoud]

Id be gobsmacked if my DD did that but I would also correct her on the spot. Probably rehearse what im going to say the next time she says something, so im not looking so shocked.

 

[Abigailly]

DD was upstairs having a tantrum recently. I went up to check on her and she tried to bite me, I put my hand on her shoulder to hold her back and went down stairs. She screamed at me 'I'm telling Daddy on you'. I thought she meant because I closed the door on her but she roared down the stairs 'Daddy, Mummy just tried to kill me she pushed my head into the bed'. I almost dropped dead myself. I was so shocked. Honestly, I reacted. I ROARED at her 'how dare you, you know mummy would never hurt you'. I then burst out crying in total shock (it had been a very testing day) and told her how much that upset me. That she'd say something about that when she knows it's not true. We weren't even near her bed.

She said she wanted to get me in trouble and we talked it out. Since she sometimes starts a 'fib' but soon shuts up after that chat.

 

[~RedLily~]

If I have accidentally hurt DD, like brushing her hair and catching a tangle or bumping into her she has sometimes said I did it on purpose and when I explained it was an accident and she knows I would never want her to be hurt she has said "I know that but this time you did".

 

[Kate&Lucas]

Thanks everyone. They'd get you hung wouldn't they

He did it again the other night when I was telling him off for something, he started shouting "do you think it's nice to scratch me??"
I (sort-of calmly) asked him where on Earth he got that from and why he was saying it. He told me that he thought I was going to scratch him for being naughty (why? I have no idea!), and he meant was I going to that do him, he just worded it very weirdly He's such a little divvy
I explained to him why he should never say it like that, and obviously that I'm not going to hurt him and touch wood he's promised to talk to me properly if he ever thinks like that again.

 

[AnneD]

Jesus, I'm not looking forward to this. Fair play to those of you who are dealing with it. I'll try to remember this thread for future reference. xx

 

[JASMAK]

Thanks everyone. They'd get you hung wouldn't they

He did it again the other night when I was telling him off for something, he started shouting "do you think it's nice to scratch me??"
I (sort-of calmly) asked him where on Earth he got that from and why he was saying it. He told me that he thought I was going to scratch him for being naughty (why? I have no idea!), and he meant was I going to that do him, he just worded it very weirdly He's such a little divvy
I explained to him why he should never say it like that, and obviously that I'm not going to hurt him and touch wood he's promised to talk to me properly if he ever thinks like that again.

Could he be hearing it from another child? My son once asked me when he was much younger if I was going too give him a ' payback '. Turns out a kid at school taught him that.

 

[Kate&Lucas]

Tbh I think it's probably been the kids at nursery telling him about wrestling (apparently they all watch it on TV, yikes!), he often comes home telling me all about it, it sounds pretty violent for a four year old I think it's gotten to him a bit.

 

[meli1981]

My daughter has done this...i always tell her..."do you want to live somewhere else? Cause people will come and take you away if you keep saying these things!" she needs to know that there will be concequences if she tells stories like this! If i raise my voice to her...shell say.."im scared youll hit me!" im like..when have i ever hit you! She just states...never. Ok then! she does suffer from anxiety so maybe its from tv...or movies...im not sure!