VickyLou
1 beautiful little lady.
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2009
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So here goes. Sorry in advance as this will be very very long.
My due date was 23rd August, I really didn't think (hoped) I wouldn't reach this date but hey ho we did and then some. 25th August 40+2 I went to the hospital to see my consultant to talk about what was going to happen next. I was really determined to have a VBAC this time but my consultant didn't want me to go to far over due to pre eclampsia in my first pregnancy.
So that day my consultant decided to admit me there and then cause I had +2 protein, really bad ketones, slightly raised blood pressure and a headache that I'd had on and off for weeks plus I'd been sent to the hospital several times in the previous 3 weeks for protein and high blood pressure. My consultant said I was borderline PRE-E again and he didn't want to leave me much longer with out being monitored. It was heartbreaking being admitted then cause I had to leave my little girl and I didn't know how long I was leaving her for
I hoped I could go home the next day after my blood and urine sample results came back but nope, although my blood results came back normal my urine sample came back stupidly high for protein (can't remember the numbers) so that was it I was in till I gave birth. It was agreed that I would be induced at some point in the few days.
On the Saturday (27th) I asked for a sweep, more to check if anything was happening as I'd had a few checks now but nothing was happening. I was surprised cause my cervix was very low and soft and the midwife could feel babies head and I was 1-2cm dilated. After the sweep the contractions soon started every 3-10 minutes lasting roughly 1 minute. I was so happy and really thought something was going to happen so I walked and walked walked and bounced and bounced and bounced. I was gutted when they stopped after 5 or so hours of pains. That evening a space became available on labour ward for me to go and be induced so 8pm I was taken to labour ward, at 8.50 a pessary was inserted. Nothing happened through the night so I sent my other half and sister in law home to get some sleep. The next day I started to bleed, no one could tell me why I was bleeding as it wasn't bucket loads they decided they wernt to concerned. In the afternoon the pessery fell out so I had to have another one put it which was very painful cause the first pessery has irritated me internally. I had a few pains through out the day but nothing substantial. Come 10pm Sunday evening they decided to leave me another 8 hours with the pessery but then it would have to come out as you can't have it for 2 long with a second induction. It was agreed at 5.30 am when the pessery was removed at some point that day my waters would be broken to see if I laboured naturally.
At 10am Monday 29th a midwife came to me and explained in the next 2 hours I would be moved to another room to have my waters broken and this is where I would stay until I had given birth. She said after my waters were broken id be given 4 hours to walk around to get labour moving before being put on the hormone drip. I really really didn't want this. I wasn't prepared for any of this. She had to take a urine sample and more bloods to check everything again as I hadn't been tested since thursday. They also wanted to check for any signs of infection as if been messed around with so much. After this she told me to go and ring my partner to explain what was going on so I went outside for some air and waited for my partner to arrive.
Roughly 12pm I was taken to another labour room to have my waters broken. I was put on the monitor first to check baby, she was a little quiet but happy enough. After 40 minutes I felt a leak, I told the midwife my waters had gone. They checked me but it was just my back waters so whilst there they broke my front waters, this is where the fun begins NOT!! My waters came out GREEN meaning my little lady had pooed inside me!! I was 3cm dilated aswel. Everything changed from then on, it meant I had to have the hormone drip there and then, I couldn't be left to see if laboured started naturally. I was gutted cause I knew I wasn't mentally prepared for this, I couldn't get my head around it, I was praying for a natural birth and everything was going so very wrong at the last minute
Anyway I got on with it. They inserted the drip and it wasn't long before the full blown horrendous contractions started. I can't remember times etc cause I was so out of it with the pain not pain relief cause I hadn't had anyZ After 5-6 hours I asked for an epidural cause mentally I couldn't deal with pain, not so much psychically. I just felt mentally drained and deflated with everything i had given up and needed this pain to stop. Unfortunately the epidural only numbed my right side so I'm stuck on a bed unable to deal with the contractions cause they are all in my back, I just wanted to stand up. The pain was easier stood up but I couldn't cause I couldn't feel my right leg. The doctor came back and did something to the epidural to try and numb my left side but it only made it worse. Now I could feel everything again. A few hours (I think) they came back and re did it which was magical. I got instant relief and was able to gather my thoughts and sort myself out. I needed to prepare myself for the Csection that was going to happen. I just knew it was ending that way. During these hours I was checked twice but I'd only progressed to 4cm 5 if I was stretched a little. My body just wasn't doing what it needed to do.
A lot of of evening is a blur to be honest. It got to around 11pm and baby started getting distressed, when ever I had a contraction her heart would race upto 180-190 even 200bpm then it would drop to 100bpm when the contraction was over. A doctor came to see me to talk to me about a section, at this point I still wasn't mentally ready to deal with this. I still clung to hope that I would get my VBAC. I was checked and was between 5-6cm not a lot of change. Come 12.30ish my temp was starting to go up and my pulse was crazy high, like 123!! Plus babies heart rate was still all over the place a new doctor came to me and checked me she said I was only 4cm, how is that possible!! I really was so deflated by this point I just wanted it over with but I still couldn't give the go a head for a Csection. Something was holding me back. She explained that she was concerned baby might be getting an infection so she had to take a blood sample from the top of her head to check. Sample was taken and sent for testing, it only 3 minutes. One thing came back borderline so they had to retest in 30 minutes and if it was still borderline I'd be taken for a section or baby could die. 30 mins later I was retested and all was normal but my temp was creeping up and pulse was still high so the doctor said she would give me to 2am if baby hadn't settled and I hadn't dilated much more then they would be taking me for a section. I agreed to this as I would of been at it 14 hours by then plus 2 days of pessery induction.
1.45am Tuesday 31st, the doctor came back to check me. I had gone to 6cm dilated but baby was still not happy and my temp was still high so that was it decision made I was down for a Csection. I was broken, I had failed! My last child and I'd never get my dream of giving birth naturally (I'm actually crying now writing this, sad I know)
So off I went to theatre. They wanted to use the epidural I had earlier in the evening so they checked it to make sure all was well, it had come out a lot so they couldn't use it, they had to remove it and try a spinal instead but that didn't work, I could still feel my legs and back etc. They put another epidural in to see if both together would work. After a while the epidural started to work, I was finally numb after an hour of being in theatre. So in came my partner and surgery got started at 3am.
After 20 minutes the the epidural wore off!!! OMG the pain!! I could feel the pushing and the pulling and the cutting!!!! They wanted to put me to sleep but I kept asking how long they would be, they kept telling me 5 more minutes. I wanted to see my baby being born, I didn't want to be put to sleep cause I knew I wouldn't see her for a little while. So they pumped with morphine and some other drug to try and numb the pain a little. I was in and out of consciousness. It took them awhile to get to my little lady cause they had to cut away old scar tissue from my previous section. Once they got to my womb they had to put there hand up me to push baby back up cause she was so far down they couldn't get her out. The pain was excruciating.
My little lady eventually arrived at 3.38am not breathing so they had to whisk her off to get her breathing. This didn't really register with me cause I was in so much pain and in and out of consciousness. After she was with us and breathing she got cuddles with daddy for about 15 minutes then she was whisked off to neonatal for antibiotics cause she was inside me with her own poo for 16 hours. I was stitches up and took to recovery. I finally got out of surgery at 5.30 am. 3half hours I was in theatre for. After 1half hours I finally got a cuddle with my little lady and she latched on like a dream. I remember being so happy cause my first born never latched on at all. I wanted her to breast feed more than anything to try and get a bond with the traumatic labour I didn't feel a connection with her so I was hoping breast feeding would help.
My beautiful girl Matilda Jo Patricia entered this world at 3.38am on 31st August weighing 8lbs 11oz.
The doctor came to me afterwards and said I was actually 9cm dilated when she thought I was only 6cm but baby was back to back and her head was lodged in a Funny position so had I tried to birth her it could of been a very different story for both of us.
After birth.
After a few hours back on labour ward we were moved to post natal where we spent the rest of day in bed. I was unable to move due to the pain more than anything from feeling the surgery plus I was high on a lot of drugs. Tuesday evening a midwife got me out of bed to clean me up and change me into some comfy pjs rather than a gown. That evening is a blur pretty much due to pain relief and lack of sleep.
I remember my daughter latched at 10pm and didn't come off till 5am ish, I must of annoyed the midwifes that night from pressing my buzzer so much for them to come and pass me my baby.
Around 7am I woken by the midwife who was putting an oxygen mask on my face. Apparently I was crying in pain, my stats were low, pulse very high, high temp of 42 and I couldn't move. With in a 10-15 minutes they were telling me to ring my partner and I was being rushed back to labour ward HDU. I didn't have a clue what was going on. When I arrived in HDU a doctor came to see me and explained they thought my lungs had collapsed at the bottom and they thought I had a blood clot in one of them. I needed a scan urgently or I could die. I was absolutely terrified as you can imagine. I had a scan (can't remember the name of it) I was put in a tube and had a mask strapped really tight to my face for 17 minutes. Luckily the scan came back clear, there was no clot. Doctors couldn't work out why my temp wasn't coming down and why I was needing oxygen. I was gasping for breath and I honestly couldn't move off the bed. I was in absolute agony. I'd never felt pain like it in my life. Worse than labour!! I was being given 4 different painkillers at the same time but it wasn't touching the pain. I kept losing consciousness and hallucinating, maybe some of it was due to the drugs.
Eventually after 2 days they found the cause, I had sepsis. Ecoli in the blood. Typical I'm allergic to drugs they were going to give me so they had to find another antibiotic to fight the infection. I was having 6 bags of IV antibiotics a day, bags of fluid cause I was extremely dehydrated but the fluid wasn't helping for some reason. I was having 10 bags a day through IV plus drinking loads. The next day the doctor came and wanted me out of bed but I still couldn't move and was still in a lot of pain. They finally realised that my bowel had gone to sleep, I had so much gas inside me I just couldn't move. They put a tube down up my nose and down my throat to try and clear the gas but after 3 hours I had to remove it cause it was make me gag and throw up making the pain worse. So then they wanted to operate to try and fix my bowel. They decided to leave me another day to see how I went. Long story short after 5 days in HDU fighting death, not being able to take care of my little girl, I was moved back to post natal ward where I was given lots more meds, my bowel over time came back alive slowly but it was very very painful, I finished my antibiotics and fought the infection. I eventually got discharged on 7th September. The consultant came to see me and said I can't have anymore children, a third child could kill me and there's too much scar tissue from my previous surgery. Luckily I didn't want anymore but it's still heartbreaking to be told I can't have anymore cause it could kill me.
My body is just rubbish and can't do its natural job. My first labour was traumatic and so was my second. At least I have my 2 beautiful girls though. I am thankful to still be here though. Things could of had a very different ending. I've struggled to bond with my little girl over the last few weeks cause of the time I couldn't do anything for her and I had to stop breastfeeding after just 24 hours. I am hoping the bond will come very very soon though.
If you actually got to the end thank you for reading. Sorry again that it was so long.i actually didn't realise how long it was going to be.
My due date was 23rd August, I really didn't think (hoped) I wouldn't reach this date but hey ho we did and then some. 25th August 40+2 I went to the hospital to see my consultant to talk about what was going to happen next. I was really determined to have a VBAC this time but my consultant didn't want me to go to far over due to pre eclampsia in my first pregnancy.
So that day my consultant decided to admit me there and then cause I had +2 protein, really bad ketones, slightly raised blood pressure and a headache that I'd had on and off for weeks plus I'd been sent to the hospital several times in the previous 3 weeks for protein and high blood pressure. My consultant said I was borderline PRE-E again and he didn't want to leave me much longer with out being monitored. It was heartbreaking being admitted then cause I had to leave my little girl and I didn't know how long I was leaving her for
I hoped I could go home the next day after my blood and urine sample results came back but nope, although my blood results came back normal my urine sample came back stupidly high for protein (can't remember the numbers) so that was it I was in till I gave birth. It was agreed that I would be induced at some point in the few days.
On the Saturday (27th) I asked for a sweep, more to check if anything was happening as I'd had a few checks now but nothing was happening. I was surprised cause my cervix was very low and soft and the midwife could feel babies head and I was 1-2cm dilated. After the sweep the contractions soon started every 3-10 minutes lasting roughly 1 minute. I was so happy and really thought something was going to happen so I walked and walked walked and bounced and bounced and bounced. I was gutted when they stopped after 5 or so hours of pains. That evening a space became available on labour ward for me to go and be induced so 8pm I was taken to labour ward, at 8.50 a pessary was inserted. Nothing happened through the night so I sent my other half and sister in law home to get some sleep. The next day I started to bleed, no one could tell me why I was bleeding as it wasn't bucket loads they decided they wernt to concerned. In the afternoon the pessery fell out so I had to have another one put it which was very painful cause the first pessery has irritated me internally. I had a few pains through out the day but nothing substantial. Come 10pm Sunday evening they decided to leave me another 8 hours with the pessery but then it would have to come out as you can't have it for 2 long with a second induction. It was agreed at 5.30 am when the pessery was removed at some point that day my waters would be broken to see if I laboured naturally.
At 10am Monday 29th a midwife came to me and explained in the next 2 hours I would be moved to another room to have my waters broken and this is where I would stay until I had given birth. She said after my waters were broken id be given 4 hours to walk around to get labour moving before being put on the hormone drip. I really really didn't want this. I wasn't prepared for any of this. She had to take a urine sample and more bloods to check everything again as I hadn't been tested since thursday. They also wanted to check for any signs of infection as if been messed around with so much. After this she told me to go and ring my partner to explain what was going on so I went outside for some air and waited for my partner to arrive.
Roughly 12pm I was taken to another labour room to have my waters broken. I was put on the monitor first to check baby, she was a little quiet but happy enough. After 40 minutes I felt a leak, I told the midwife my waters had gone. They checked me but it was just my back waters so whilst there they broke my front waters, this is where the fun begins
NOT!! My waters came out GREEN meaning my little lady had pooed inside me!! I was 3cm dilated aswel. Everything changed from then on, it meant I had to have the hormone drip there and then, I couldn't be left to see if laboured started naturally. I was gutted cause I knew I wasn't mentally prepared for this, I couldn't get my head around it, I was praying for a natural birth and everything was going so very wrong at the last minute Anyway I got on with it. They inserted the drip and it wasn't long before the full blown horrendous contractions started. I can't remember times etc cause I was so out of it with the pain not pain relief cause I hadn't had anyZ After 5-6 hours I asked for an epidural cause mentally I couldn't deal with pain, not so much psychically. I just felt mentally drained and deflated with everything i had given up and needed this pain to stop. Unfortunately the epidural only numbed my right side so I'm stuck on a bed unable to deal with the contractions cause they are all in my back, I just wanted to stand up. The pain was easier stood up but I couldn't cause I couldn't feel my right leg. The doctor came back and did something to the epidural to try and numb my left side but it only made it worse. Now I could feel everything again. A few hours (I think) they came back and re did it which was magical. I got instant relief and was able to gather my thoughts and sort myself out. I needed to prepare myself for the Csection that was going to happen. I just knew it was ending that way. During these hours I was checked twice but I'd only progressed to 4cm 5 if I was stretched a little. My body just wasn't doing what it needed to do.
A lot of of evening is a blur to be honest. It got to around 11pm and baby started getting distressed, when ever I had a contraction her heart would race upto 180-190 even 200bpm then it would drop to 100bpm when the contraction was over. A doctor came to see me to talk to me about a section, at this point I still wasn't mentally ready to deal with this. I still clung to hope that I would get my VBAC. I was checked and was between 5-6cm not a lot of change. Come 12.30ish my temp was starting to go up and my pulse was crazy high, like 123!! Plus babies heart rate was still all over the place a new doctor came to me and checked me she said I was only 4cm, how is that possible!! I really was so deflated by this point I just wanted it over with but I still couldn't give the go a head for a Csection. Something was holding me back. She explained that she was concerned baby might be getting an infection so she had to take a blood sample from the top of her head to check. Sample was taken and sent for testing, it only 3 minutes. One thing came back borderline so they had to retest in 30 minutes and if it was still borderline I'd be taken for a section or baby could die. 30 mins later I was retested and all was normal but my temp was creeping up and pulse was still high so the doctor said she would give me to 2am if baby hadn't settled and I hadn't dilated much more then they would be taking me for a section. I agreed to this as I would of been at it 14 hours by then plus 2 days of pessery induction.
1.45am Tuesday 31st, the doctor came back to check me. I had gone to 6cm dilated but baby was still not happy and my temp was still high so that was it decision made I was down for a Csection. I was broken, I had failed! My last child and I'd never get my dream of giving birth naturally (I'm actually crying now writing this, sad I know)
So off I went to theatre. They wanted to use the epidural I had earlier in the evening so they checked it to make sure all was well, it had come out a lot so they couldn't use it, they had to remove it and try a spinal instead but that didn't work, I could still feel my legs and back etc. They put another epidural in to see if both together would work. After a while the epidural started to work, I was finally numb after an hour of being in theatre. So in came my partner and surgery got started at 3am.
After 20 minutes the the epidural wore off!!! OMG the pain!! I could feel the pushing and the pulling and the cutting!!!! They wanted to put me to sleep but I kept asking how long they would be, they kept telling me 5 more minutes. I wanted to see my baby being born, I didn't want to be put to sleep cause I knew I wouldn't see her for a little while. So they pumped with morphine and some other drug to try and numb the pain a little. I was in and out of consciousness. It took them awhile to get to my little lady cause they had to cut away old scar tissue from my previous section. Once they got to my womb they had to put there hand up me to push baby back up cause she was so far down they couldn't get her out. The pain was excruciating.
My little lady eventually arrived at 3.38am not breathing so they had to whisk her off to get her breathing. This didn't really register with me cause I was in so much pain and in and out of consciousness. After she was with us and breathing she got cuddles with daddy for about 15 minutes then she was whisked off to neonatal for antibiotics cause she was inside me with her own poo for 16 hours. I was stitches up and took to recovery. I finally got out of surgery at 5.30 am. 3half hours I was in theatre for. After 1half hours I finally got a cuddle with my little lady and she latched on like a dream. I remember being so happy cause my first born never latched on at all. I wanted her to breast feed more than anything to try and get a bond with the traumatic labour I didn't feel a connection with her so I was hoping breast feeding would help.
My beautiful girl Matilda Jo Patricia entered this world at 3.38am on 31st August weighing 8lbs 11oz.
The doctor came to me afterwards and said I was actually 9cm dilated when she thought I was only 6cm but baby was back to back and her head was lodged in a Funny position so had I tried to birth her it could of been a very different story for both of us.
After birth.
After a few hours back on labour ward we were moved to post natal where we spent the rest of day in bed. I was unable to move due to the pain more than anything from feeling the surgery plus I was high on a lot of drugs. Tuesday evening a midwife got me out of bed to clean me up and change me into some comfy pjs rather than a gown. That evening is a blur pretty much due to pain relief and lack of sleep.
I remember my daughter latched at 10pm and didn't come off till 5am ish, I must of annoyed the midwifes that night from pressing my buzzer so much for them to come and pass me my baby.
Around 7am I woken by the midwife who was putting an oxygen mask on my face. Apparently I was crying in pain, my stats were low, pulse very high, high temp of 42 and I couldn't move. With in a 10-15 minutes they were telling me to ring my partner and I was being rushed back to labour ward HDU. I didn't have a clue what was going on. When I arrived in HDU a doctor came to see me and explained they thought my lungs had collapsed at the bottom and they thought I had a blood clot in one of them. I needed a scan urgently or I could die. I was absolutely terrified as you can imagine. I had a scan (can't remember the name of it) I was put in a tube and had a mask strapped really tight to my face for 17 minutes. Luckily the scan came back clear, there was no clot. Doctors couldn't work out why my temp wasn't coming down and why I was needing oxygen. I was gasping for breath and I honestly couldn't move off the bed. I was in absolute agony. I'd never felt pain like it in my life. Worse than labour!! I was being given 4 different painkillers at the same time but it wasn't touching the pain. I kept losing consciousness and hallucinating, maybe some of it was due to the drugs.
Eventually after 2 days they found the cause, I had sepsis. Ecoli in the blood. Typical I'm allergic to drugs they were going to give me so they had to find another antibiotic to fight the infection. I was having 6 bags of IV antibiotics a day, bags of fluid cause I was extremely dehydrated but the fluid wasn't helping for some reason. I was having 10 bags a day through IV plus drinking loads. The next day the doctor came and wanted me out of bed but I still couldn't move and was still in a lot of pain. They finally realised that my bowel had gone to sleep, I had so much gas inside me I just couldn't move. They put a tube down up my nose and down my throat to try and clear the gas but after 3 hours I had to remove it cause it was make me gag and throw up making the pain worse. So then they wanted to operate to try and fix my bowel. They decided to leave me another day to see how I went. Long story short after 5 days in HDU fighting death, not being able to take care of my little girl, I was moved back to post natal ward where I was given lots more meds, my bowel over time came back alive slowly but it was very very painful, I finished my antibiotics and fought the infection. I eventually got discharged on 7th September. The consultant came to see me and said I can't have anymore children, a third child could kill me and there's too much scar tissue from my previous surgery. Luckily I didn't want anymore but it's still heartbreaking to be told I can't have anymore cause it could kill me.
My body is just rubbish and can't do its natural job. My first labour was traumatic and so was my second. At least I have my 2 beautiful girls though. I am thankful to still be here though. Things could of had a very different ending. I've struggled to bond with my little girl over the last few weeks cause of the time I couldn't do anything for her and I had to stop breastfeeding after just 24 hours. I am hoping the bond will come very very soon though.
If you actually got to the end thank you for reading. Sorry again that it was so long.i actually didn't realise how long it was going to be.
xxx
