My doctor wants me to stop breastfeeding, but HOW?! :(

[JadeCrusader]

I have been breastfeeding my baby for 20 months, and had planned to do it until she was at least two-years-old as recommended by the World Health Organization. Just a note before I go on: We practice Attachment Parenting for the most part, so if you are a "cry it out" kind of mom then I probably wouldn't benefit from your advice because I don't believe in that.

Anyways, I recently miscarried (Sept. 2013) and it was pretty traumatic and painful, and after that I developed endometriosis and miscarried again (albeit, much less painfully and quickly this time, thank goodness). Anyway, I went in again to talk to my doctor and she feels that with the re-occurrence that it very well could be because I am breastfeeding.

I sent my baby for her FIRST ever over-nighter with her grandma, and they did so well that she went ahead and kept her for another night, AND THEN ANOTHER! I almost died missing her, but she came back happy and in one piece, and her Grandma said she nearly slept through the night and when she did wake up she was a peach to get back to sleep, so she was no trouble. She also said that each subsequent night was better than the one before it.

Since I have had her back I have been distracting during the daytime and feeding her lots of good organic, non-homogenized cow's milk and upping her fats and probiotics (Greek yogurt) so she doesn't have a stomach disturbance, so I know she is getting enough to eat and enough calories, but in the middle of the night she absolutely won't take no for an answer. It got so bad that first night back that she wouldn't even let me touch her or hold her after I said "Sorry, no boobies". She had the tantrum of her life and wouldn't even open her eyes. I felt so horrible, like I was taking her mommy away and replacing her with this boob-less one that doesn't love her or something.

Her grandma was getting her back to sleep by playing My Little Pony on her phone and by the time a song would start she was out, but when she saw me put it on for her she lost it even more. She absolutely knew what she wanted, eyes open or not, and I couldn't sway her. So I have been breastfeeding during the night (A LOT, like ALL night), and distracting and supplementing with other food during the day.

Does anyone have any tips or suggestions to get her comfortable enough to stop altogether??? I really feel like my health is at stake here, and I love her to pieces, but with endometriosis it's like "get pregnant NOW or you may not be able to, plus you will be in debilitating pain for the rest of your life, yay!" and I really don't know if I can mentally handle another miscarriage. So basically, NOW is the time, but I don't want to break her heart either .

Before this I could only put her to sleep by nursing her, and now I feel like the worst mom ever because I put The Lorax on or My Little Pony so she falls asleep to that, but she won't go BACK to sleep to that with me for some reason...

I almost want to send her back to grandma's for a bit, but I don't want the baby to think that I am abandoning her or something... Any suggestions??? I need help .

 

[lozzy21]

I think I would get a second opinion! Iv never ever heard of breastfeeding causing a miscarriage. I know it's not a reliable source but even just a google search says it can't. Breastfeeding can prevent pregnancy as it stops you from ovulating but that's about it.

 

[tablefor4]

Does she know what "broken" is?
If you really want to stop, here is a piece of advice I was given many years ago that helped me and lots of friends I know who wanted to wean reluctant toddlers. They put sticking plasters (Band-Aids, patches, whatever they call them where you're from) over their nipples and when bub asked for it, they simply shrugged, showed them the plasters and said "Oh dear, they're broken!". Bub wasn't happy, but didn't tend to have a tantrum because it wasn't a direct no. The trick is to keep it up for several days and NEVER give in once you've started, or they'll be on to you. Non-confrontational and usually quite effective if your little girl understands what broken means.

 

[girlinyork]

Can you send your OH into her at night to settle her? That way she gets love and cuddles but without expecting milk too

 

[Noo]

I'd see another doctor

 

[fieryphoenix]

I'd get a second opinion as well!

 

[deafgal]

I would see another doctor too.

If you really want to wean her , CIO may be h our only option. I had to cut cold turkey with my son (almost three years old) because I was having a surgery soon and the dentist felt it was causing his teeth decay but I think it is a combination of things and not just BF alone...because I did this things differently with my daughter and her teeth is fine. both of my kids are all night nurser. Right now, I have a 18 months old who still nurse at night but I did CIO to make sure she fall asleep without nursing (at 12 months old)...but after that, About 5 or 6 hours of sleep, I go get her.

You could try just nursing her less and see if it helps.

 

[maybebaby3]

See another dr. I've bf and been pregnant. I bf til 5m pregnant

 

[Berri]

Time for a second opinion I think too... I'm 33wks and still bf DS.

I have similar situation though in that when he's away from me he's fine without bf but if I'm home, different story. Sometimes I just say no and he's fine, sometimes he sooks and I cave (very tired ATM)... I think it's just going to be a matter of perseverance and consistency with a few tears thrown in there.

 

[JadeCrusader]

I have been considering going to another doctor, I just really liked this one... She's the nicest person, but I guess if she's giving me bad advice then it's probably time to get a second opinion I suppose.

I actually went in to see her last week requesting her to do a blood workup to see if I was having some sort of hormone issue, but she denied me that and said that she doesn't do blood workups for infertility until we have miscarried three times. I was really sad about that because that means we have to miscarry again before I can see results that may tell me what's wrong!! Doesn't that sound awful?? If I really think about it... that means if we found out what was wrong now then I could potentially be saving this next baby... but nope, the next one has to not work out too before we can find out if anything hormonal is wrong.

She did call for an ultrasound, at my request, to see if maybe that bad miscarriage I had in September did some damage or maybe didn't fully finish, but the results came back as mostly normal with a small possible fibroid that shouldn't effect our fertility.

Aurora went back with her Grandma tonight. She did so amazingly well with her those couple of days that I think we can give it another, maybe longer, go at it. My main concern was that she would come home not knowing who we were anymore , but that wasn't a problem, which is good!! She knew exactly who we were and was the same adorable baby after four days of being away from us. When she came back she didn't say much about wanting to nurse during the first day, had an AWFUL night where I gave in and let her nurse (which I think I mentioned above), and then each subsequent day she became more adamant about wanting it during the day. I never gave in during the day and just upped her proteins and fats, but she got to nurse in the middle of the night to keep her sleeping (we co-sleep). We tried having daddy soother her, but if she knows I'm in the house I'm all she wants in the middle of the night.

I think we're ready to wean her so that's why we let her go back with Grandma and we'll see how she is when she comes home . I'm thinking we'll make it a regular thing, like a few days a week, until she is done. I know Grandma is all set wanting to keep her for like two weeks, but I don't know if daddy and I would be able to handle that! We'd miss her waaaay too much, so we're just playing all that by ear.

Now if I can just get pregnant and keep it! I want more babies so badly, especially a couple of boys at least, but just one more healthy baby would be such a blessing! And an even bigger blessing if it happened to be a boy! So that's what we're hoping on .

I'm still open to suggestions/ideas/input if anyone has any for me!

I'll keep you updated on what that second opinion says if we're able to do that soon.

 

[PegLeg2na]

Ok, wow you sound like my twin! I was diagnosed with endo when I was 19. I tried multiple bcp's to help manage it but eventually decided the pain was better than any of the meds. I got a somewhat surprise bfp when I was 24 and had a healthy dd on her due date. Pain free all through pregnancy and 20 months after. I'm still bfing at 20 months, but after 2 months if "weaning" we're down to 2-4 feeds per 24 hours. I think I've had two chemical pregnancies in the past six months. Now that we're slowing down on bfing I am getting more painful periods, so I feel like my endo is making a comeback. My lp's have been short ever since giving birth (6-9 days!) but have been lengthening since weaning. Ok, that was a lot of info! I'm typing this on my phone, too. Basically, I'm a librarian and my hobby/job Is to research. Because we sound so similar, I feel ok telling you my opinion, which I've discussed with my doctor. Most women are not affected "negatively" with breastfeeding. I feel I am, because i have D-MER, though of course the benefit for my daughter outweighs those symptoms. I believe bfing is what's keeping my lp's so short and caused the chemicals. However, it was also keeping my endo symptoms away. So now while my lp's are hopefully getting longer to increase the odds if successful implantation, the endo can aggrevate sperm and prevent an egg from making it down the Fallopian tube...just feel like I can't win. So, in conclusion, I agree with your doctor. The theory is once you are done bfing there wont be a hormonal response from latching, which influences progesterone and can affect implantation. the faster you can get pregnant, the less time the endo has to do permanent damage to your reproductive organs. It's always wise to seek a second opinion, but since you sounded so much like me I thought i'f share my two cents. We've found success with daddy comforting dd in the night. She'll usually just want to bf once now. Good luck and is be happy to talk more, maybe when I'm on my computer and can type easier ;-) i apologize for any errors

 

[JadeCrusader]

Ok, wow you sound like my twin! I was diagnosed with endo when I was 19. I tried multiple bcp's to help manage it but eventually decided the pain was better than any of the meds. I got a somewhat surprise bfp when I was 24 and had a healthy dd on her due date. Pain free all through pregnancy and 20 months after. I'm still bfing at 20 months, but after 2 months if "weaning" we're down to 2-4 feeds per 24 hours. I think I've had two chemical pregnancies in the past six months. Now that we're slowing down on bfing I am getting more painful periods, so I feel like my endo is making a comeback. My lp's have been short ever since giving birth (6-9 days!) but have been lengthening since weaning. Ok, that was a lot of info! I'm typing this on my phone, too. Basically, I'm a librarian and my hobby/job Is to research. Because we sound so similar, I feel ok telling you my opinion, which I've discussed with my doctor. Most women are not affected "negatively" with breastfeeding. I feel I am, because i have D-MER, though of course the benefit for my daughter outweighs those symptoms. I believe bfing is what's keeping my lp's so short and caused the chemicals. However, it was also keeping my endo symptoms away. So now while my lp's are hopefully getting longer to increase the odds if successful implantation, the endo can aggrevate sperm and prevent an egg from making it down the Fallopian tube...just feel like I can't win. So, in conclusion, I agree with your doctor. The theory is once you are done bfing there wont be a hormonal response from latching, which influences progesterone and can affect implantation. the faster you can get pregnant, the less time the endo has to do permanent damage to your reproductive organs. It's always wise to seek a second opinion, but since you sounded so much like me I thought i'f share my two cents. We've found success with daddy comforting dd in the night. She'll usually just want to bf once now. Good luck and is be happy to talk more, maybe when I'm on my computer and can type easier ;-) i apologize for any errors

Thank you so much for the response! Yes, we do sound very similar! Also, I was like "what is D-MER?" so I looked it up and I think I have that too! In the beginning I would get a sever wave of nausea and need to drink right before my milk let down, and now it's more like an "UGH I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS!!!!!" type of feeling that subsides in a minute or so. I thought it was just me; I didn't know it was a thing! So that's comforting to know that I'm not the only one with that either .

Aurora is still with Grandma and her Aunts, though I think she might be coming home tonight. If not, then on Saturday. I think, even though not being with her is KILLING us, I might go ahead and agree with them holding her until Saturday so my hormones have a better chance at stabilizing. I ovulated the other day and we have been trying to get pregnant so I think a few more days might be good. I'm really going to have to try to have her daddy handle her in the night or at least be aware of myself in the night so she only eats once or so. I did well the first night she was back and waited until she fell asleep and then covered myself back up, but the next night I just fell asleep and she nursed all she wanted all night, which isn't good.

I already think I am drying up. The first vacation she got I filled up after a couple of days, but this time I feel normal so I think my body is quickly regulating back to normal.

It's interesting that we are so similar! And don't worry about giving me too much info! I'm a Psychology major and enjoy researching and reading too, so I totally get it. I don't know how people squeeze all they want to say in a few sentences. Give me a few minutes and I'll write you a book, LOL! ^_^

 

[sillysapling]

I would definitely try to find another doctor. You need to miscarry 3 times before you can do any tests?! I wonder if she'd say the same thing if you weren't breastfeeding. There are people who are very negative to extended breastfeeding (past 1 year) even though it's perfectly natural to let babies nurse a long time. I think it's possible that her prejudices are informing her advise, rather than having a legitimate medical basis.

Breastfeeding causes contractions, so some worry that it could cause miscarriages or pre-term labor. Another thing that causes contractions is orgasms- but I'm guessing your doctor isn't telling you to stop having sex. However, I've even heard of La Leche League leaders saying that breastfeeding during pregnancy causes miscarriages.

It's possible that you have other risk factors for miscarriage that the BFing is exacerbating, though, because it effects hormone levels/etc.

You should read this, it may be helpful: https://kellymom.com/pregnancy/bf-preg/bfpregnancy_safety/

 

[JadeCrusader]

That was a good article, thank you! I think there is definitely some underlying thing that is going on, but that breastfeeding isn't helping, like you said.

What I find interesting is that since my baby has been with Grandma, my mood has been steadily climbing higher and higher. I really do feel great! It makes me wonder if I had an extended post-partum depression there that never went away and just became like life to us. I am definitely seeing a contrast, and not just because I have less responsibility of taking care of a toddler. In fact, I can't wait to have her home so I can!

Oh, and the doctor didn't say that she only was waiting until a third miscarriage for me or for my specific type of situation. She said that is "standard practice" for everyone. :/

 

[MommyJogger]

3rd mc is the standard requirement, but if you're bf while miscarrying most practices make an exception in order to check your progesterone levels because they tend to be lower during breastfeeding. I would go to a different doctor and find one willing to check your hormones before the 3rd. You don't have to wean; there are several products on the market that can assist women with low-progesterone in getting their hormones into a more ideal place for early gestation (I believe a progesterone cream is one popular non-invasive choice). At around 9 weeks gestation, your placenta takes over progesterone production and it becomes a non-issue and you'll be able to stop treatment. It's worth looking into if you want to save your nursing relationship with #1.

 

[JadeCrusader]

I'm actually worried at this point that it's too late for me to do so . She finally 'gets it' that breastfeeding is over, but she has restless nights and is kind of sad at me about it. She's still a happy baby, until that's what she wants and then she gets in this mood I don't know how to remedy. She no longer asks. She just seems like she's in mourning. It's kind of breaking my heart . I'm afraid now though that if I offer her a breast that it will crumble the foundation of her trust in my word now. Like, basically, it doesn't matter what I say because it could change at any moment, you know? Our nights would definitely be more peaceful if she could fall asleep to that, as she wants.

I don't know; I'm really confused now. I really appreciate all of you advice, and I'm going to be looking at that progesterone cream! I had no idea about that 9 weeks thing. That's something I'll have to research more about; thank you .

Really, any mom of older toddlers or multiples, I could really use some advice. Would I be breaking her trust in my word or shaking the foundation of boundaries if I give in now?

 

[deafgal]

I wouldn't turn back but I would give her more snuggle time. And maybe she was missing you more than your breast.

 

[JadeCrusader]

Gosh, I hope so !! I love her so much. This parenting this is tough! LOL

 

[MommyJogger]

I always feel that as humans, we make mistakes. We do things that we later regret and would like to change our minds. And I think of children as human beings, with the same feelings, limitations, and emotional potential as adults. So whenever I think about things like this, I say, "If my husband came to me and did x, y, or z, how would it make me feel?". So I think it's about how you approach the situation. If I were you and I were going to start nursing again, it would be with the understanding that my child had already been through weaning by my choice once and I would make the decision to let them self-wean or wait until they agreed they were ready. If I couldn't commit to that, I probably wouldn't start nursing again so that I wouldn't have to put them through what is inevitably a highly emotionally-charged experience.
If I still wanted to nurse again, I would sit down and explain, "Mommy made a decision that I thought was best, but I see that neither of us are very happy about it and I regret that I made that decision. If you would still like to nurse, I would be happy if we could have (whatever word you two use for nursing) again." And then offer to nurse. Our kids are going to see us make a lot of decisions we regret over the next couple decades. It's part of how they learn that it's okay to make mistakes and that it's okay to try to fix them as long as we do it with consideration and empathy for others affected by our choices.
Parenting is tough. Whatever you and your lo decide, I wish you guys all the best getting through this rough patch.

 

[Rachel_C]

Did you consider just night weaning her instead of full on weaning? If you do decide to start BF again, if you are sure BF is having an effect on you (I'd probably get a second opinion from a doctor more willing to investigate fully), you could try feeding her only in the day and see if that helps at all. If you re-start BF, you might find LO assumes she can have milk at night too, but you could try some methods adapted from gentle night weaning techniques. We used Dr Jay Gordon's night weaning method and it was surprisingly easy and trauma-free. You probably wouldn't have to do the whole thing but it might help to have a read and collect a few ideas.