gemzter
Mummy & Expecting
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2008
- Messages
- 78
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Hi everyone, I think it's time I told you all the stories of my little Angel babies.
I found out when I was eighteen that I was pregnant. The baby was totally not planned. I'd just finished doing my ND in Performance Art and Dance and I was at Laben Centre in London, I'd only been there training in Dance for a week when I found out that I was expecting. My bf (now my hubby) had not been trying, and though we'd been together two years, it was not exactly the best situation with me living away etc.
It wasn't unwelcome and unwanted however, and after the initial shock of it all, I decided that it wasn't the end of the world. I was in a stable relationship, so it could work. I was nine weeks pregnant when I dropped out of dance school.
Things seemed to be progressing nicely... I thought. I didn't really have a clue. I'd wanted children, but not for a long time, so wasn't really sure of what I should be expecting iykwim. One morning when I was 12 weeks, I woke up at in some pain, and I was bleeding. I knew that it meant that my baby had gone. I got on the bus and went to the hospital, and they confirmed that it had infact passed away. I was very upset.
We were not ready to have a baby - at least not a planned one, so didn't attempt it again, not till I was 22. And after two months of trying I fell pregnant again, and after a very hard pregnancy (with in the 1st and early 2nd trimester being told that there was less than a 10% chance that our baby was going to live and be healthy.) - She proved them all wrong though, and in June 2007 I gave birth to a healthy baby girl. Faith Aimee.
When Faith was 6 months old, we deiced to not "be careful" anymore and then in March to start properly ttc again, charting ovulaton etc. In April I got a BFP but at 6+4 started to bleed heavilly once again. Another confirmed miscarriage.
The next month we decided to try again, and in August I got another
. Things seemed to be going very nicely. The morning sickness was terrible, I was gaining lots of weight, and by 10 weeks had a huge bump. Other than the extreme sickness, everything felt great. I was so happy.
The afternoon of 11th September was the worst ever. I will never forget it. It was 8 years to the day that my and my now DH met, and I was 13 weeks pregnant. I had my dating scan.
As soon as the sonographer put the ultrasound on me and started prodding around, I knew something was wrong. She was having trouble finding out baby. I looked at the screen and saw her looking at some blobs. I knew this wasnt right as I KNOW what a 13 week old baby looks like. When I was pg with Faith we were on the blinking machine so many times...
She asked me how accurate my dates were, and I told her if they were out it was only by a day or so. She then tried something else and then told me that she was very sorry, but there was not heart beat on either of my babies. And that they were only measuring just over eight weeks.
What? There was no wonder I was so big. I was having to wear maternity clothes already, because I was having twins. And that they had died five weeks ago, how could I not have known?? I'd not bled, my bump was growing rapidly and the sickness was terrible. The only thing was that I had been loosing weight... But I put that down to the fact that I was so sick.
I was told that I had a missed miscarriage. I had to be taken to a ward upstairs in the hospital and talk to a doctor, who gave me a leaflet to read, explaining my "options". I just did not understand what had gone wrong. What had I done to my babies? I'm 24 years old, WHY have I lost four babies in my lifetime. It didn't seem fair.
To top it off, the doctor seemed surprised that I'd no idea. She asked me what had made me come to the hospital for a scan. Had I had cramping or bleeding etc... I was like... "No, it's my dating scan!!" - They assumed I had already thought something was wrong. Would it have taken much to read my notes?
The Dr talked through my options with me, telling me I could wait for the bleeding to start and miscarry "naturally" - which to be honest, at the time I did not think would work for me seeing as they had passed away 5 weeks beforehand. And I didn't want to walk around with a bump and just "wait". The other option was medical management. I didn't want that either, so I opted for the ERPC. Because of the situation, they told me that I would be on the emergency list for the procedure and to come back the following morning at 7am. Because the surgery was to be done under general anesthetic, I wasn't to have anything to eat or drink from 8pm.
Turned out I didn't have the procedre till 3pm the next day because there was lots of emergency sections which came first. It was horrible waiting. I was scared of the operation/ I woke up after on oxygen as I'd had troubles breathing after they had removed the tube. And I felt very empty after.
Because of the sudden loss and the fact that I'd had two other MC previously, there were some tests done on my babies (they remained intact when they were taken from me - so they were able to) - it turned out that my babies were faternal (non identical) boys. One had passed away at 7 weeks and the other at 8 weeks. They think it could have been something to do with when my daughter had measels.
I was so shaken up. I dont think I'll ever get over it. I just feel so blessed and lucky to have my daughter.
I'm currently pregnant again. And so scared. Have been promised to be looked after better this time, with lots of scans The first scan will be at 7 weeks.
Thanks for reading my little essay, sorry for rambling.
xxxxxx
I found out when I was eighteen that I was pregnant. The baby was totally not planned. I'd just finished doing my ND in Performance Art and Dance and I was at Laben Centre in London, I'd only been there training in Dance for a week when I found out that I was expecting. My bf (now my hubby) had not been trying, and though we'd been together two years, it was not exactly the best situation with me living away etc.
It wasn't unwelcome and unwanted however, and after the initial shock of it all, I decided that it wasn't the end of the world. I was in a stable relationship, so it could work. I was nine weeks pregnant when I dropped out of dance school.
Things seemed to be progressing nicely... I thought. I didn't really have a clue. I'd wanted children, but not for a long time, so wasn't really sure of what I should be expecting iykwim. One morning when I was 12 weeks, I woke up at in some pain, and I was bleeding. I knew that it meant that my baby had gone. I got on the bus and went to the hospital, and they confirmed that it had infact passed away. I was very upset.
We were not ready to have a baby - at least not a planned one, so didn't attempt it again, not till I was 22. And after two months of trying I fell pregnant again, and after a very hard pregnancy (with in the 1st and early 2nd trimester being told that there was less than a 10% chance that our baby was going to live and be healthy.) - She proved them all wrong though, and in June 2007 I gave birth to a healthy baby girl. Faith Aimee.
When Faith was 6 months old, we deiced to not "be careful" anymore and then in March to start properly ttc again, charting ovulaton etc. In April I got a BFP but at 6+4 started to bleed heavilly once again. Another confirmed miscarriage.
The next month we decided to try again, and in August I got another
. Things seemed to be going very nicely. The morning sickness was terrible, I was gaining lots of weight, and by 10 weeks had a huge bump. Other than the extreme sickness, everything felt great. I was so happy. The afternoon of 11th September was the worst ever. I will never forget it. It was 8 years to the day that my and my now DH met, and I was 13 weeks pregnant. I had my dating scan.
As soon as the sonographer put the ultrasound on me and started prodding around, I knew something was wrong. She was having trouble finding out baby. I looked at the screen and saw her looking at some blobs. I knew this wasnt right as I KNOW what a 13 week old baby looks like. When I was pg with Faith we were on the blinking machine so many times...
She asked me how accurate my dates were, and I told her if they were out it was only by a day or so. She then tried something else and then told me that she was very sorry, but there was not heart beat on either of my babies. And that they were only measuring just over eight weeks.
What? There was no wonder I was so big. I was having to wear maternity clothes already, because I was having twins. And that they had died five weeks ago, how could I not have known?? I'd not bled, my bump was growing rapidly and the sickness was terrible. The only thing was that I had been loosing weight... But I put that down to the fact that I was so sick.
I was told that I had a missed miscarriage. I had to be taken to a ward upstairs in the hospital and talk to a doctor, who gave me a leaflet to read, explaining my "options". I just did not understand what had gone wrong. What had I done to my babies? I'm 24 years old, WHY have I lost four babies in my lifetime. It didn't seem fair.
To top it off, the doctor seemed surprised that I'd no idea. She asked me what had made me come to the hospital for a scan. Had I had cramping or bleeding etc... I was like... "No, it's my dating scan!!" - They assumed I had already thought something was wrong. Would it have taken much to read my notes?
The Dr talked through my options with me, telling me I could wait for the bleeding to start and miscarry "naturally" - which to be honest, at the time I did not think would work for me seeing as they had passed away 5 weeks beforehand. And I didn't want to walk around with a bump and just "wait". The other option was medical management. I didn't want that either, so I opted for the ERPC. Because of the situation, they told me that I would be on the emergency list for the procedure and to come back the following morning at 7am. Because the surgery was to be done under general anesthetic, I wasn't to have anything to eat or drink from 8pm.
Turned out I didn't have the procedre till 3pm the next day because there was lots of emergency sections which came first. It was horrible waiting. I was scared of the operation/ I woke up after on oxygen as I'd had troubles breathing after they had removed the tube. And I felt very empty after.
Because of the sudden loss and the fact that I'd had two other MC previously, there were some tests done on my babies (they remained intact when they were taken from me - so they were able to) - it turned out that my babies were faternal (non identical) boys. One had passed away at 7 weeks and the other at 8 weeks. They think it could have been something to do with when my daughter had measels.
I was so shaken up. I dont think I'll ever get over it. I just feel so blessed and lucky to have my daughter.
I'm currently pregnant again. And so scared. Have been promised to be looked after better this time, with lots of scans The first scan will be at 7 weeks.
Thanks for reading my little essay, sorry for rambling.
xxxxxx
