My Friend Just Suffered a Loss

[ssuchianlo]

My friend just found out last night that her LO is dead. She's 16 weeks and is at home right now in induced labor. This is her 2nd loss. She's not doing good at all and I really don't know what to do.

Any advice?

 

[ssuchianlo]

Anyone? I wanna be there for her...but I also imagine it'll be hard for her to be around my LO.

 

[mhazzab]

Hiya I am so sorry to hear of your friends loss. It's great you are looking for advice on what to do for her. There was a thread in here where someone else asked the same and I think there was some good replies.., will see if I can find it for you , give me a few mins x

 

[Vickieh1981]

So sorry for your friends loss. It's just such a devestating thing to go through I would send a card saying how much you care for her and that you are thinking of her - sometimes simple is better and less chance of saying something that could be taken the wrong way (believe me we have all taken something the wrong way in those early days)

I would just ask directly if she wants to see you. My friend came round with her new baby. I even held her. For me it was pregnant women rather than babies that got to me since I shouldnt have had a baby anyway but I should have been pregnant if you know what I mean xxx

 

[jennijunni]

So sorry for your friend.

 

[iwantpeace]

I'm so sorry about your friends loss. I can only imagine how terrible it must be.

I would say just let her know you are there, anytime day or night if she needs support or a shoulder to cry on.

Letting her know that you are there to support her gives her the time she needs knowing that her friends are there for her.

 

[TwoRdue]

Hi There, Sorry for your friends loss.x
I lost my twins at 18 weeks and my close friend has been great when I needed her she was there but if she says she needs space as hard as it is do give it to her but alway make sure she know that you are a ph call away and you will always be there.
Is she having the baby at home?? I was put in to hospital to have mine!
Its been 6 weeks today and some of my friends wont even look at me let alone ring me and that really hurts so I think it is great that you are doing what you are.
Best of luck and hope that she is ok

 

[AmberS]

So sorry for your friends loss, I couldnt immagine and wouldnt know what to say in fear of saying the wrong thing. In my thoughts!

 

[ssuchianlo]

So it's pretty bad for her right now. She went home to have the baby...she had him yesterday. We heard today though, that early this morning she had another. So she had twins...and didn't know it!

We're worried about her taking pills...she used to have a problem with pain killers. Well the doc gave her a bottle of percocet to help with the pain from induction and such and my friend who was with her said she took so many she could barely keep her eyes open. I'm really worried she's going to relapse over this.

She's a waitress at the restaurant my OH runs...and told him to tell everyone not to talk to her about the pregnancy or anything. I'm just so worried about her. She has a 2 year old that needs her.

 

[Vickieh1981]

So it's pretty bad for her right now. She went home to have the baby...she had him yesterday. We heard today though, that early this morning she had another. So she had twins...and didn't know it!

We're worried about her taking pills...she used to have a problem with pain killers. Well the doc gave her a bottle of percocet to help with the pain from induction and such and my friend who was with her said she took so many she could barely keep her eyes open. I'm really worried she's going to relapse over this.

She's a waitress at the restaurant my OH runs...and told him to tell everyone not to talk to her about the pregnancy or anything. I'm just so worried about her. She has a 2 year old that needs her.

Oh gosh. that is awful as the second one may still have been alive when they started induction if they had only seen that on the scan

 

[ssuchianlo]

I know. At her last appointment though the midwife couldn't find a heart beat at all. I'm confused as to why she didn't order an ultrasound...I thought that was standard protocol...especially since her first scan showed her to be around 8 weeks I believe and her next appt was a month later.

Overall she had terrible prenatal care. She went in originally because she was still lactating after a year of not breastfeeding. The PA told her she had a pituitary tumor, that she was pregnant, to not quit smoking, and to have an abortion. She ended up not even having a tumor! And even if she had had this kind of tumor, pregnancy was perfectly safe with no adverse effects on her or a baby. Then she was given wellbrutin to help her quit smoking. She was a pretty heavy smoker. Not surprisingly, being told she had a brain tumor didn't help her to quit, or even cut back. It's just been a huge mess!

We went to her daughter's birthday party today...she turned 2. Her and her OH seem to be doing a lot better. She says it's hard for her to be alone though.