My husband needs help. What do I do?

[BrandiCanucks]

We have 3 kids under 5, one with special needs, and I see my husband slipping away. I found a conversation between him and his mother where he claimed he "just wants to die", and she told him to "get over his pity party".

Our doctor refused to prescribe him anti-depressants a few months ago telling him "you chose to be married, so either deal with it or divorce your wife" (Not in those exact words), and when I called the doctor this morning, he won't refer him to a psychiatrist or prescribe meds for him. He told me to take him to an emergency room (the wait here is longer than 15 hours) and have MH assess and refer him.

I know there's NO WAY IN HELL my husband would allow me to drag him there for that, or sit for that long.

So, what's my next step?

 

[pandacub]

I cant believe the doctors said that! Thats awful behaviour!! Id be complaining about that
Is there another doctor you could see there?

Sorry i dont have any advice really i hope someone else does for you

 

[fuzzballxxx]

im the same as op i would demand to see another doctor.

 

[deafgal]

I think your husband gotten alot rof bad advices.But why are they saying these things? Is he complaining about being trap and it's making him depressed? if so, have you thought about marriage counselor?

 

[Torsornin]

I am so upset at that dr for you- that is NOT right -

I think it is wonderful of you to notice and care what is happening with your husband - some spouses do not i feel taht you have several options

1. A sit down with your husband - perhaps with a check list for signs and symptoms of depression.
Ask him if he feels at times that he wants to die.
ask him if he has thought about taking his life if he has a plan etc... (I know you feel this way but) make sure you convey your concern and your love to him during this conversation avoiding "you" accusatory statements. say things like "honey, you havent been your self lately, I am so worried for you. I love you so much, it kills me to know that you are ______________"

if your husband has had thoughts of harming himself - I would 1. make a pact with him to not hurt himself (this is something they taught me when I was working psych) if it is an immediate threat - call for an ambulance - if it is a semi immediate threat - take his poor bum into the drs, demand to be seen THAT day THAT instant!!!!!

I would also try to make another appt with a dr - you may fire your own dr if need be if they are not being helpful.

People cant help depression - being married is a stress - having kids is a stress and having one with special needs - there is another stress - he could also be having feelings of guilt/anger etc due to having a child with special needs.
You dont wake up one day thinking it would be a great idea to be depressed ! it is an awful feeling and for that dr to dismiss your husband like that *shakes head* - I don't think it is right

you could try calling the dr yourself - talking to him and telling him all that you see going on with your husband and how serious you feel it is - tell him about the statements of wanting to die etc (esp after you have conversed with your husband)

I feel that dr may be a lost cause though. At any rate - I would try to go to the dr with your husband to help reiterate anything - and go to bat for your husband.

Alternately - you could do what I did - I skipped a consult etc and went straight to a psychiatrist and paid out of pocket - as I personally feel I want a dr who specializes in psych to be proscribing me with psych meds - I had a great experience with this and was amazed at his knowledge off the top of his head for medications.

I am glad that you are supportive of your husband and have noticed that he needs help and are going to bat for him


good luck and *hugs* do keep us informed on if you get an appt or anything else

this is a bit of a touchy subject for me and I tend to get a knee jerk reaction when it comes to drs blowing off depression or other psych disorders - I hope the type word came out the way I intended

 

[AimeeM]

You need to change doctors or phone a local mental health ward/psychiatric unit and express your serious concern that he is going to do something to himself, they will know what to do and maybe getting him addmitted to start treatment would be a good idea.
Referals from the doc can take a while as can medication. He needs to be properly looked after by professionals until the risk of him self harming has gone.
Having dealt with mental health issues myself and with my hubby and other family members, I feel your pain please let us know how you get on xx