My husband stood up to my own mother! (LONG)

[Deutschette]

Last night, my mum, who lives back in my home town in Arkansas, wrote an e-mail to me about a box of things she was going to be shipping over for LO and also said that any other items that don't fit in the box, she'll be bringing over in May. MAY?!

Recap: my mum originally wanted to come and stay here for a month, starting in the week I was due to have LO. She expected to even be in the birthing room, which I immediately said I was against. I told her not to come so early because 1.) we wanted some time with our daughter, 2.) what if I'm overdue? and 3.) it's common in Germany to spend up to a week at the hospital after giving birth.

So, apparently, she thought May was enough time, despite being due the 22nd of April. I had left my instant messenger on accidentally, so she started writing to me shortly after we had read her e-mail. I could tell my husband was fuming and took the chance to chat with her.

He flat out told her that we don't want her to come here because we need some time with our daughter, that the birthing experience is something strictly between the mother and father and that if she comes over here so early, that wouldn't be fair to my father (who owns a landscaping business and can't come over until the weather is cold). My mum is generally pushy and ignores my own requests, but really seemed to get things through her head this time after hearing things from my husband, despite attempting to give us a guilt trip about not being able to see her granddaughter during the conversation. He told her not to come until at least Autumn, which would give us some time to ourselves and would also give my father a chance to come, as well.

I thanked my husband so many times after the conversation was over. I'm rewarding him by letting him sleep in as long as he likes today without nagging one bit. I love my husband.

 

[kyronsmom]

well done to ur husband for standing up to someones mum, if thats wot u wanted him to do

 

[AP]

Ha! You have a brave hubby! Well done him!!!

 

[Flipsy]

yay for him .. you think he'd come and tell my mum to back off too xx

 

[lanaross]

i know i am gatecrashing and you know best, but the first few months you'd might want any help you can get. My mom came for two weeks when bubs was a week old, and then later at three months mark and I was able to even get a couple hours of sleep here and there. If it's your first and your hubby's first, it will be a real shock at first (not a bad thing at all, just a huge HUGE adjustment that I cannot put into words). When another family member is helping, even if it's just the housework, you'd be able to get some sleep and actually relax and get used to things. There is nothing wrong with being helped the first few months.
But whatever you decide, good luck with your journey It will be so wonderful

 

[Deutschette]

yay for him .. you think he'd come and tell my mum to back off too xx

To be honest, he probably would. He can't stand seeing women get pushed around by their own mums.

 

[Deutschette]

i know i am gatecrashing and you know best, but the first few months you'd might want any help you can get. My mom came for two weeks when bubs was a week old, and then later at three months mark and I was able to even get a couple hours of sleep here and there. If it's your first and your hubby's first, it will be a real shock at first (not a bad thing at all, just a huge HUGE adjustment that I cannot put into words). When another family member is helping, even if it's just the housework, you'd be able to get some sleep and actually relax and get used to things. There is nothing wrong with being helped the first few months.
But whatever you decide, good luck with your journey It will be so wonderful

I know what you mean. There's a difference between getting help and having your mum live with you, who expects to take charge of everything. My mum would be like a freaking drill sergeant.

My husband's mum and grandmother are both about a 5-10 minute walk from where we live and we've been offered help from them on OUR terms.

 

[Flipsy]

While I can understand your mum wanting to meet grandchild and if she was coming for a few nights (not a month) I'm sure you'd be ok with that. but not until after baby is here.

And I may take him up on that if mum gets any worse, she's a nightmare at the moment.

 

[Deutschette]

While I can understand your mum wanting to meet grandchild and if she was coming for a few nights (not a month) I'm sure you'd be ok with that. but not until after baby is here.

And I may take him up on that if mum gets any worse, she's a nightmare at the moment.

Definitely. A few nights or even a week would be okay, but she's determined to stay here as long as possible. It would be pretty awkward, since I also plan on breastfeeding, which she thinks is a bad idea and she insisted on having LO sleep on her tummy.

 

[Flipsy]

I think our mothers forget that things have changed, my mother wants to get a cot second hand bu tnot get a new mattress as she thinks I'm being melodramatic.. and the location of this cot would be in her room at the radiatior under the window........ what part of NO is she missing here. Add that to the pram being in my house she told me it would be my fault if anything happened to my child ..... nearly threw her out tbh

 

[Kitten596]

Well done your hubby!!!

 

[bellablue]

I can see it from both sides your mom is probally tickled pink that she is a having a grandchild and maybe wants to help you out

and i can see why you want to have time alone with your child and hubby to

maybe she can come for 2 weeks and in june or something i know if i was a grandma i wouldnt think i could wait till the fall when baby is there since april it would kill me lol

best of luck