My Miscarriage Story

[Jessa]

Hang in there -- it's long....

My husband and I went in for what we thought was going to be our routine 4 month check-up last Monday. You could tell right away by the look on the doctor's face that something was wrong. When he couldn't find the heartbeat, he sent us for an emergency ultrasound which confirmed that our baby's heart had stopped beating. I was supposed to be about 17 weeks pregnant, but instead found out that our baby had died at about 13 or 14 weeks (hard to pin down because the baby had curled up into a little ball and couldn't be measured properly).

The doctor said we had three options:

• Wait for my body to realize it had miscarried and do it naturally
• Have tablets inserted into my vagina that would start the miscarriage process
• Have a D&C

I wanted to avoid a D&C since there are some complications with that, but couldn't go on knowing it could be weeks before my body realized that the baby it was carrying had already died. So, we decided to go the tablet route, and these were inserted the following day.

It only took about six hours for the tablets to work and that night was the worst night of my life for the things I saw and experienced that I'll never talk about with anyone (besides my DH, of course). I'm sure some women on here have been through very similar things when miscarrying at home after the 12 week mark. It's not something that I ever want to experience again in my life.

The next afternoon, after having absolutely no sleep at all, we had an ultrasound at the hospital that indicated that even with everything that happened the night before, there was still some "placental tissue" in there and I had two options:

• Wait and see if my body would get rid of it itself
• Have a D&C

The doctor didn't recommend waiting because he said it wasn't common for it to do it by itself (especially since it hadn't in the past month already) and that I ran the risk of getting an infection. He suggested I go ahead with the D & C, which we scheduled for later that afternoon.

They took me over to the OR around 4 o'clock that afternoon and explained the procedure. You have to have a full general anesthetic, which makes it a bit riskier. I guess it only took about 10 minutes, but the recovery time took a lot longer. I didn't come around well enough to stand up until almost 7 o'clock, but then when they got me into the bathroom, I passed out. I've never passed out before in my life. It was the most scary part of the whole day. When I woke up, I had about 6 or 8 nurses saying my name and lifting me back up onto the stretcher. They cut my gown off and started hooking all the machines back up (blood pressure, heart monitor, pulse thing, etc, etc). They ran some more IV into me and I felt well enough to come home around 9 o'clock that night.

The next day I felt sore, kind of crampy, bleeding (which they said might last for a couple weeks but will get lighter), and my throat really hurt because they had a breathing tube down my throat during the surgery.

So, the physical part of the miscarriage lasted about 3 days. I wasn't really able to start the emotional part until after I had gotten over the physical part. I've been doing okay, until last night when my milk came in. I was quite surprised as my doctor hadn't mentioned that this would happen. It's very upsetting to know that my body has started producing milk because it thinks that I delivered my baby and it needs to be fed. Hopefully it dries up quickly so that the discomfort goes away and I don't continually have to be reminded that I don't actually have a baby.

My husband and I will try again. This is our second miscarriage. We're both 26 years old and are committed to creating our family together. Each miscarriage gets harder though and the uncertainty of next time builds even more.

We're going to take a break for a cycle or two and then try again. The good news for us is that we don't have any trouble getting pregnant. Both times we've been pregnant, it happened the very first month we tried. Now, we just need to make our next baby stick.

Thanks for listening. Sorry it was so long.

 

[Shelby2007]

Im so sorry for what you are going through. You sound so strong.. and so positive. After my mmc at 9 weeks (identical twins).. my dr told us to wait 3 months.. for my body to get back to normal. We can start trying again.. mid May.

I hope your next baby sticks.. and you NEVER have to go through that again.

I too took the tablets.. and it was absoluetly horrible.. I cant imagine being 17 weeks along! You are so brave.

Keep your head up.. and if you want to talk PM.

 

[Las78]

Oh hun, I'm so sorry for what you went through. I too miscarried 11 days ago now, a little boy at 17w and 5d and I know what you mean when you say you can't talk to anyone about it, it is very scary and devastating. I'm still struggling to come to terms with it all and we have the buriel next week, it all just gets too much sometimes.

If you ever need anyone to talk to hun feel free to pm me.

 

[Jessa]

Thanks, Shelby. I may sound strong and positive in this moment, but that can change instantly. I find that some moments I feel absolutely fine, while seconds later I'm curled up on the floor in tears. I just need to get rid of this discomfort in my breasts so that I'm back to feeling like myself...physically, at least.

 

[Jessa]

Thanks, Las. I can only imagine what you would have gone through being a few weeks ahead of me. Our baby wasn't big enough to have a formal burial for, although I think doing so would be much needed closure. PM me if you'd like to talk.

 

[colsy]

So, so sorry to hear this. Your story brought tears to my eyes You do sound positive, so I hope you manage to carry that with you. Just hold on to the thought that one day you will get a sticky bean.

 

[Jessa]

Thanks, Colsy. One day I WILL get a sticky bean. I hope and pray that it's next time. I only have so much strength in me to get through this each time.

 

[maddiwatts19]

so sorry you had to go through this! i lost a baby at 12 weeks, so kinda know what your going through. i hope that in time you and your husband start to heal and cope with all of this.
i have everything crossed for you that you get your sticky bean really soon!!! xxx

 

[Kota]

I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how devasting it must be when you were so far along. I hope you start to feel (physically) okay soon. x

 

[Jessa]

Thanks, guys. One moment I feel like I'm ready to try again right now (even though I have to wait...and I will). In the next moment, I feel like I never want to get pregnant again to save myself from the potential of feeling like this again. That wouldn't be very positive in my step toward having a family though, so I guess I need to find within myself the strength to continue on. Life sucks sometimes, eh?

 

[Rebaby]

I am so sorry for your loss and for what you have had to go through

Your story has me in tears, but your attitude is very inspirational in the face of all the upset and pain.

I hope your body starts to feel your own again soon.

 

[firstimer]

Hi Jessa I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss and hope you get your sticky bean next time.

I have a D&C booked on Thursday, I chose this option because they told me the tablets may result in the operation anyway so figured this was the least emotionally painful option - like you option 1 is not a valid one for me as my baby's heartbeat stopped three weeks ago.

xxx

 

[esther]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, what a terrible ordeal for you both. Take care and heal over your loss xo

 

[applegirl]

writing to say that your story made me cry this morning. I just ache all over for you and I wish so much that this pain had never happened to you.

thinking of you, and hoping the very very best for you.

 

[gnomette]

hi i am so sorry for you loss but i would like to let you that you are entitled to a burial or a cremation! i had an ectopic back in septeber last year i thought i was ony 7weeks but it turned out i must have been further along as my bab was 7cm big! i didnt find this out til after her funeral but the cut an balls of it is i had a private service and cremation for my little angel and no one asked any questions i asked and i did it! i have my angels ashes at home with me as i was determined to bring my baby home! there was me oh and my two best friends there! and it was a lovely service they treat them like any other funeral! she even turned up in a full size hurse! i am sorry if this information has come too late!
i hope you get your sticky bean soon take care lovely
if you want anymore information then feel free to pm me i will do my best!

 

[jo_79]

Im so sorry to read your story everytime i see this happen it brings all the memories back. I took the tablets at 29 weeks just over 3 yrs ago and its a horrendous thing to go through I hope you stay strong and continue with building your family when you feel ready to do so massive to you x

 

[rachjim98]

Hello there, I just wanted to tell you I am thinking of you. This is a very hard time and just getting through the day is a ordeal. Keep positive! much easier said then done I know.
I have been in your shoes, on Nov 18,08. we found out we had a MMC at our 20wk scan. If you want to read my story it is down the thread. So sorry for you loss.