My niece is bullying my son - what do i do?

[grover]

Hi,

I wanted some advice.... My son is 5 years old and our only child. he is generally well behaved and is quite happy to play with other kids. he loves my niece - but she really doesn't like him and is quite mean to him. She is 12 years old. At the weekend, the family got together, and my son wanted to join in the games with my niece and some other girls (my niece was the oldest in the group - the others were 10 and 9). My niece told the other girls not to play with him, they hid from him when he wanted to join in. She then told my son that he is not cute and not intelligent!!

My other sister has a little boy (2 years). My son loves to play with him, but when my niece is around, she monopolises the little boy and wont let him play with my son. So, my son just backs off - he is not very confident anyway, but my niece seems to be making it worse.

How can a 12 year old be so mean?? My sister just doesn't see it and wont say anything to her daughter. I've got to the point where I don't want to go to my sisters house or take my son around to see his cousins..

What do I do??? I feel so sorry for my little boy - he's only 5 FFS!!

 

[New Mrs W]

That's awful. When you say your sister won't say anything to her daughter, is it that she won't or that she's unaware of how awful her daughter is being? If it was me, the next time I saw her I'd drop it into the conversation how upset your son was after last weekend's family get together and when she asks why point out what her daughter had done and how it made your son feel. Hopefully she'll be horrified and will do something to address it x

 

[RachA]

If I'm honest most of the behaviour is typical. The saying he's not cute or intelligent isn't nice at all and that's what i would mention.
The rest though i think is all normal stuff - my nieces and nephews are all between 5 and 9 years older than my eldest (bar two who are 1 and 5 years younger). They deliberately hide from my eldest and tell him they don't want to play with him. Sometimes i step in and ask them to play with him nicely for a little while. Other times i don't.

Honestly i don't think a 12 year old should have to play with a 5 year old. They have very little in common and can totally understand that she doesn't want to play with him. You need to teach your son that sometimes older children want to play on their on playing games that are more age appropriate to them.

As i said - i don't agree with saying he's not cute or anything......but i certainly wouldn't call it bullying.

 

[grover]

Hey, thanks for responding. I have told my sister in the past. My niece rammed a pram into the back of my son's legs, because he wanted to play with his little cousin. I went totally berserk... and had a chat with my niece in front of my sister.

As Rach A suggested, I will have a chat with my son about his cousin not wanting to play with him. But I know he will be hurt by that... but I suppose that's life. we all want to protect our children in the end.

 

[minties]

I would tell HER she's being a dickhead and to cut it out.

 

[.Mrs.B.]

That sounds really mean, 12 is too old to be behaving like that and it is bullying. I understand her not wanting to play with a baby but there are plenty of activities/games suitable for 5 and 12 year olds.
Maybe start some games with your 5 year old when she's there and it will then be up to her to join in with him rather than leaving him out. And the most effective is to call her out at the time, so when you see/hear her do something tell her that she's making your son feel bad then and there.
I don't think you should have to tell your son she doesn't want to play with him, assuming you're not there all the time then she should be interacting with him just as you would expect from any other family members.