My OH!!

[Lauraxamy]

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[Maddiee]

aww hun!
i dont have the exact same problem but i get where your coming from. my OH refuses to change stinky nappies and the night feeds he wakes up for about 5 minutes and then after that he rolls over and falls asleep. i breastfeed, so i understand there's not a lot he can do but it would be nice if he tried to stay awake to at least keep me company.
maybe you can sit and talk to your OH and tell him its serious and you need help? maybe get your mum to take Laila for a few hours to give you and him some time alone. i know in my situation my OH and I's time together has become non-existent recently, it was only a few days we had time to sit down and actually talk to each other...for the first time in weeks.
Kudos to you though. I'm sure your doing a fantastic job!

 

[Lauraxamy]

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[Maddiee]

yeah, i completely understand. i guess i take what i have for granted. my OH has been amazing (apart from those 2 things) through the last 4 weeks. not everybody has that. its okay, i know i have days where all i want is somebody to tell me i'm doing a good job and i'm doing it right. so i assumed you wanted it too

i know my OH missed the first week of her life because he had a severe cold and i wouldn't let him near her so he missed that week but he seems to have made up for that. has your OH spent much time with your LO since birth? on his own i mean. maybe he needs to bond a bit more with her.

 

[Lauraxamy]

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[Maddiee]

Well, I left my OH by himself for about 20 mims the other day, I just had to get some more wipes, admittedly I kinda knew she wouldn't wake up, I made sure I timed it so she wouldn't. And when I got back, he thanked me cause he said he was constantly worried about her waking up he didn't want to do anything and I was like hmm, welcome to my life.
So I agree with you about you just saying your popping down to the store for 5 mins or something. That is, if your comfortable leaving her while she's still so young. It took me 3 and and a half weeks before I could leave her with someone like that.

 

[danniemum2be]

my OH is exactly the same, i think hes got up to her about 4 times in the night since shes been born, he does pay for her stuff and work full time doing nights and stays in bed most of the day so when he gets up at like 1 ive already been up with maisie 7 hours but he seems to forget that and 'needs time to wake up' before holding her. do i get time to wake up when shes screaming at 6am because shes hungry? no. men do my head in lol x x x

 

[xx~Lor~xx]

aw hun.. I know exactly where you are coming from. OH used to be such a hands on daddy, it was amazing, but for the last 4 months or so, he's just almost given in. He says he doesn't enjoy bathing her, doesn't put her to bed, doesn't feed her, he whinges when I ask him to do little things. He barely changes nappies, only when I really push him to do it, but he used to change loads of nappies with no problem at all. Now, like you, I don't know what to do to make him see that I do alot and sometimes I could do with the help It's got so bad now, that Robyn always comes to me, she screams when he holds her, she screams for 3 times longer than she does for me when he tries to put her to bed, in the end I go up and she is asleep within 10 mins. Warn him that if he doesn't start pulling his weight, his daughter won't really know him. Mine has already got to that point, she will play with him okay, but she always looks for me and wants to cuddle me, not him. It's upsetting for me to see, and him to feel, but being a man, he just ignores it and the whole situation gets worse as he doesn't try. My OH is gradually improving on helping with Robyn, I'm hoping that with a bit more time he will be able to be closer to her and she will want him more. It's nice her wanting me, but sometimes I just need space and want him to have her, which is impossible when she wants me.

Sorry I went on a bit. I just know so much of how you are feeling. I've felt like a single mum for such a long time, but I have run out of options to do something about it. I'm just letting OH gradually do more for her, and pushing where its needed.

Must dash... madam has woken up

xoxox

 

[Lauraxamy]

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[Lauraxamy]

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[Mellie1988]

I know where your coming from too Laura!
OH is cr@p with the newborn/baby stage...its only now that DD is talking and playing etc that he joins in with her and helps me out, more doing the fun stuff though...although hes great with bath times now as he will play with her in the bath for ages and it gives me half an hour to do nothing...thats the only half an hour I get tho!!

He hardly does anything with Theo, he will make him laugh and hold him occasionaly, but he soon finds an excuse to hand him back then dissapears upstairs or outside for a cig !!

Hes never got up with either of them in the night, not once! Apart from the time he had him overnight when I had gone out...but even then he moaned & was ringing me up asking when I was coming home etc .

I think men really don't understand how hard it is to look after a newborn/baby/toddler...although Rob has admitted I deserve a medal sometimes, he stil doesn't understand fully though....us mummys are on call 24/7, my OH gets 2 days off a week and his evenings to goto football or out to his mates to play the ps3 etc....I have to ASK if I can goto the shop, or nip to my friends for a coffee, he just goes out and doesn't even have to think about the kids once!

Sorry going off on one there...I could go on all day! I do love my OH but sometimes I wish he would be abit more helpful with the kids, so I totally know where your coming from!!

Me and OH have little chats every now and then about what we want each other to do and I always say I wish he would help out more, tbh it does make a difference, he will help out a little more but it doesnt last long LOL...

Anyway I hope he pulls his finger out soon, it might all just be a little daunting for him at the moment...maybe try sying things like, ooh do u want to change this nappy, or ask him to give her a bottle while you go have a shower etc...just find loads of little excuses to make sure he helps out more!!!

Good luck
x

 

[babydustcass]

i was there once hunny in exactly the same position as you, in my situation it did get better as LO got bigger but you dont wanna hear that now because you want him to start pulling his weight. its physically and metally draining being mummy to a newborn especially and doing everything. the feelings my partner put me through in the first 9months of LO's life are still quite raw. but now he is incredibly sorry and most of the time he makes up for it. I find i still pay for most things but i would rather spend money on other people than myself and boys will be boys, i dont think they would ever get that guilty feeling I/we get about spending money on ourselves.

i can complete sympathise with you, i really think you need to have one of those serious sit down talks with him. prepare what you have to say and make him understand the pressure you are under. being a parent is a 24hr job, when he comes home from his 9hr job or whatever it is, doesnt mean he has done his bit for the day and can put his feet up. he helped make that baby too and he needs to cut you some slack, because he will really regret not attending those night feeds, when she is toddling around and he cant remember her as a baby or doing much with her. My OH really regrets not doing more

 

[Lauraxamy]

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