My Possessive Teenage Daughter *Long*

[LikeFireToIce]

So, I am the mother of 3 children. 2 biological. 1 step with my partner of 16 years. My eldest would be my step daughter Kaylee, 22, and then my 18 year old AnaLisa and my youngest turns 17 coming up in June.

AnaLisa's biological father has not been a part of her life for years, upon his own choice. And my husband, has been her father since she was 5 months old. She is practically the only dad that she knows. And Joshua would be my child with my husband.

Kaylee's biological mother committed suicide in 2001, just a year after sending Kaylee to live with us permanently in Arizona. Kaylee has never been close or tried to develop a relationship with either of her biological parents. Upon coming to Arizona she clung to me. She refused to refer to Bruce, my husband, as her father and never had a relationship with him. Unlike AnaLisa, which took to him rather well. She made little cards and books about the Best Daddy Ever, growing up, making cards and pictures for him. She went to car shows with him because he liked it and she took to it too. She always wanted to learn new things from her father. He taught her everything.

Kaylee and AnaLisa were relatively close. Not as close as Kaylee and Joshua but close enough. Anyways, Kaylee moved out at the age of 19 to move to New Mexico to live with her my sister, because she couldn't handle the rules and regulations of the household with us. Then she moved out of my sister's house when she didn't like it there either. And she moved in with her boyfriend Matthew.

Well, AnaLisa of course stuck by her dad always. In July AnaLisa at the age of 17 moved out, for reasons I will not specify, but she remained close to the both of us. Unlike Kaylee who cut off relations with all of us but AnaLisa. Kaylee apparently was bad-mouthing Her father and I. And referred to me as manipulative and told AnaLisa she would pay good money to see Bruce buried alive. I confronted Kaylee once about this and she didn't deny any of it.

AnaLisa had the final straw with Kaylee in early January and told Kaylee to stay out of the family's life because what Kaylee was doing and saying was not what family did and referred to her as a "ding-dong b*tch" But she pretty much made it clear that she didn't tolerate Kaylee's ways.

I have cut off ties with Kaylee. And my husband did too up until recently which is where the problem lies. Kaylee called up my husband recently trying to develop a relationship with him and AnaLisa disapproves especially because of the fact that AnaLisa has heard all Kaylee called Bruce. Bruce has now seemingly taken to believe that AnaLisa is a liar and that Kaylee is the one being truthful although we both had proof from Kaylee's own mouth of what she had said, proving AnaLisa was honest.

Well, last night while AnaLisa was visiting Bruce was on the phone with Kaylee, AnaLisa was prepping to head back to her place and Bruce barely acknowledged or said bye to her and referred to Kaylee as "princess and sweetie" AnaLisa's nicknames growing up from him. Well. AnaLisa did not like that AT ALL. She was hysterical and angry. She called Kaylee and told her to leave her family alone and that Bruce was HER dad, not Kaylee's and my husband is trying to convince her that he is father to all of his 3 kids. But AnaLisa doesn't seem to agree. Bruce told AnaLisa that Kaylee was revealing my past history of cheating to her and is now finally getting the truth from someone, although AnaLisa before had tried to tell him even with substantial to validate my affairs (I am ashamed of them) but he said that his "flesh and blood" is giving him the truth and he has to believe her. AnaLisa feels betrayed and angry, because he said Biological meant sh!t at one point when it came down to it because her b.f. didn't want to be apart of her life. And now Bruce seems to be changing his mind.

She is still beaten up pretty bad emotionally over Bruce's remark. I am just wondering what I should do for my daughter or if she is wrong? I don't believe she is, but I am at a loss for words now.... Help?

 

[seoj]

Ok- I think I got what your saying straight... sorry if not.

Not sure what your affairs (if I understood that right) have to do with any of your kids? As that should be between you and OH. But, it sounds like your OH told his step-daughter (AnaLee) that biological meant more (?) so he was saying he loves or trusts his bio daughter (Kaylee) more than AnaLee? Oiw!

It does sound like a huge mess hun- have you sat down and discussed what your OH said with him? Does he understand that is NOT Ok... to be perfectly frank, I adore and love my Step-daughter like my own. She may not be mine biologically- but I've helped raise her full time since she was 9yrs- and she will always be my first kid. Not my first baby- as she was older when I met her dad, but that doesn't make her any less my child. I may love my LO different- as she is biologically mine, and she's a baby and I'm getting to raise her from "scratch" and I had to get to know my SD first when we met-- But that doesn't mean I love her any less... it's just a different type of love.

Your OH has been raising AnaLee's since she was 5mos old... I can only imagine how hurtful his words must have been for her. But the situation IS what it IS. Your OH has been the father or parent to all three kids. I don't have any great words about the mess the girls are causing- but someone needs to stop the madness. That is the best I can think to say-- and maybe in time they can mend things and find a way to support and love one another (?) Not sure- but seems there is a lot of resentment there.

I would talk to your OH- then talk to your daughter and go from there. Maybe they both need time to cool down and try to see the situation for what it is. Best of luck hun!

 

[LikeFireToIce]

Ok- I think I got what your saying straight... sorry if not. Not sure what your affairs (if I understood that right) have to do with any of your kids? As that should be between you and OH. But, it sounds like your OH told his step-daughter (AnaLee) that biological meant more (?) so he was saying he loves or trusts his bio daughter (Kaylee) more than AnaLee? Oiw!

The kids have been involved persay within my affairs, because as my mistake, the kids were around and involved. Bruce told AnaLisa when her Bio-Dad left, that biological means sh!t (due to AnaLisa being upset about Rene leaving and being 10 y.o. she wasn't really paying attention to the big picture, being her Step-father being there.) And AnaLisa took that to heart literally after Kaylee pulled her shenanigans and said awful things about me, her dad and her siblings.

It does sound like a huge mess hun- have you sat down and discussed what your OH said with him? Does he understand that is NOT Ok... to be perfectly frank, I adore and love my Step-daughter like my own. She may not be mine biologically- but I've helped raise her full time since she was 9yrs- and she will always be my first kid. Not my first baby- as she was older when I met her dad, but that doesn't make her any less my child. I may love my LO different- as she is biologically mine, and she's a baby and I'm getting to raise her from "scratch" and I had to get to know my SD first when we met-- But that doesn't mean I love her any less... it's just a different type of love.

Bruce is off in his own little world and isn't taking any of what AnaLisa is feeling into consideration. She has tried to explain it to him. She has voiced her discomfort towards Bruce taking a bigger interest into Kaylee after all these years, when Kaylee never wanted anything to do with Bruce in the first place. Kaylee had cut off all ties with all of us, excluding AnaLisa, up until January and now she has returned with a lot of stories.

Kaylee has told my husband false details about the affairs I had, and told him and AnaLisa that I am just a woman that "fucked and married her dad, and that Bruce will rid me soon". Due to Kaylee's false accusations, Bruce has decided to file for divorce and has dragged Joshua in the middle and convinced our 16 year old to side with him. I don't think either of our children should be involved in this disaster but Kaylee has started this, thinking about no one but herself. i don't know what her benefit is by ruining my marriage. She is 22 for gods sake.

Your OH has been raising AnaLee's since she was 5mos old... I can only imagine how hurtful his words must have been for her. But the situation IS what it IS. Your OH has been the father or parent to all three kids. I don't have any great words about the mess the girls are causing- but someone needs to stop the madness. That is the best I can think to say-- and maybe in time they can mend things and find a way to support and love one another (?) Not sure- but seems there is a lot of resentment there.

AnaLisa is distraught and taking it to a whole new level because of Bruce's actions. AnaLisa has now called him Bruce rather than dad and is refusing to speak to him. AnaLisa is stubborn and very emotional. It seems I can't make anything better for my little girl. I will always put AnaLisa above Bruce and Kaylee in any given situation and Bruce used to be the exact same way, but Kaylee has some spell over him

I would talk to your OH- then talk to your daughter and go from there. Maybe they both need time to cool down and try to see the situation for what it is. Best of luck hun!

Thanks....

 

[LikeFireToIce]

Ok- I think I got what your saying straight... sorry if not. Not sure what your affairs (if I understood that right) have to do with any of your kids? As that should be between you and OH. But, it sounds like your OH told his step-daughter (AnaLee) that biological meant more (?) so he was saying he loves or trusts his bio daughter (Kaylee) more than AnaLee? Oiw!

The kids have been involved persay within my affairs, because as my mistake, the kids were around and involved. Bruce told AnaLisa when her Bio-Dad left, that biological means nothing (due to AnaLisa being upset about Rene leaving and being 10 y.o. she wasn't really paying attention to the big picture, being her Step-father being there.) And AnaLisa took that to heart literally after Kaylee pulled her shenanigans and said awful things about me, her dad and her siblings.

It does sound like a huge mess hun- have you sat down and discussed what your OH said with him? Does he understand that is NOT Ok... to be perfectly frank, I adore and love my Step-daughter like my own. She may not be mine biologically- but I've helped raise her full time since she was 9yrs- and she will always be my first kid. Not my first baby- as she was older when I met her dad, but that doesn't make her any less my child. I may love my LO different- as she is biologically mine, and she's a baby and I'm getting to raise her from "scratch" and I had to get to know my SD first when we met-- But that doesn't mean I love her any less... it's just a different type of love.

Bruce is off in his own little world and isn't taking any of what AnaLisa is feeling into consideration. She has tried to explain it to him. She has voiced her discomfort towards Bruce taking a bigger interest into Kaylee after all these years, when Kaylee never wanted anything to do with Bruce in the first place. Kaylee had cut off all ties with all of us, excluding AnaLisa, up until January and now she has returned with a lot of stories.

Kaylee has told my husband false details about the affairs I had, and told him and AnaLisa that I am just a woman that "slept with and married her dad, and that Bruce will rid me soon". Due to Kaylee's false accusations, Bruce has decided to file for divorce and has dragged Joshua in the middle and convinced our 16 year old to side with him. I don't think either of our children should be involved in this disaster but Kaylee has started this, thinking about no one but herself. i don't know what her benefit is by ruining my marriage. She is 22 for gods sake, acting sooo much younger.

Your OH has been raising AnaLee's since she was 5mos old... I can only imagine how hurtful his words must have been for her. But the situation IS what it IS. Your OH has been the father or parent to all three kids. I don't have any great words about the mess the girls are causing- but someone needs to stop the madness. That is the best I can think to say-- and maybe in time they can mend things and find a way to support and love one another (?) Not sure- but seems there is a lot of resentment there.

AnaLisa is distraught and taking it to a whole new level because of Bruce's actions. AnaLisa has now called him Bruce rather than dad and is refusing to speak to him. AnaLisa is stubborn and very emotional. It seems I can't make anything better for my little girl. I will always put AnaLisa above Bruce and Kaylee in any given situation and Bruce used to be the exact same way, but Kaylee has some spell over him

I would talk to your OH- then talk to your daughter and go from there. Maybe they both need time to cool down and try to see the situation for what it is. Best of luck hun!

Thanks....

 

[greenbeans12]

First off, it sounds like you expect your husband to disown his own daughter because she acted like a typical teenage girl and said a few bad things about him. I'm sure your kid's have done the same to you when you weren't around. How could you possibly get angry with him that he is speaking to his child again? Or better yet, why would you ever try to get between him and his daughter? That does not settle right with me at all! You should be GLAD they are finally establishing a close relationship because after all it is her Father and she deserves to have that with him! Don't you think she felt resentment when your daughter had him all these years while she was with her Mother?

Your daughter and you both need to look at this realistically - this is his child and you can not expect him to turn his back on her because you got into a silly argument with her. Nothing in life is serious enough for a parent to walk away from this child and write them off - not something petty like she called him a few names. As far as your affairs, he most likely is listening to his daughter more about it because she is not being biased like your child might of been. Not only that but their building trust between one another and he is most likely confining in her too - like he should.

Your daughter sounds like she is spoiled and over reacting to this entire situation. Your husband is not only HER dad, you have 3 other kid's, and whether they are blood or not he has a job to love them all. Why is it such a big deal he called his daughter "sweetie"? Can he not called her that because Annalisa doesn't approve of it or like it? I mean seriously, that is a really ridiculous thing to get mad or upset about.

You have to realize he is catching up on a lot of missed years with Kaylee and this is a new relationship being built to so focus is not going to only be on Annalisa anymore - she needs to get over it and you do too. However, he does need to realize Annalisa needs him as well and give her the time needed as well.

It sounds like to me there is a bit of jealousy and both you and your daughter's side and it's almost as if you're ganging up on Kaylee. You need to stop that because it's not right and it's not fair and it will cause issues and for your family to be drawn apart. You all need to sit down and sort out your differences. Who cares who said what! Life is way too short to be angry or to disown your loved ones.

Best of luck to you all.

 

[Tasha]

AnaLisa is distraught and taking it to a whole new level because of Bruce's actions. AnaLisa has now called him Bruce rather than dad and is refusing to speak to him. AnaLisa is stubborn and very emotional. It seems I can't make anything better for my little girl. I will always put AnaLisa above Bruce and Kaylee in any given situation and Bruce used to be the exact same way, but Kaylee has some spell over him

This seems like one huge mess. I dont know what to say other than the bolded.... you admit that you put you have always put your biological daughter above both your husband and your step-daughter, no wonder there is resentment and yet to expect Bruce not to do the same is hypocritical IMO.

 

[seoj]

I'm gonna try to word this right- but of course Kaylee has a "spell" over Bruce, she's his daughter. But tbh-- there shouldn't be sides or "teams" in a family, but it seems like there is. Of course teenage girls (even early 20's) are going to be overly emotional and irrational at times... but the parents should be better grounded and not get pulled into the drama. I'm not saying what either girl is doing is Ok or right... there is obviously a lot of resentment and hurt from things in the past... and the girls are only thinking of how it's affecting them... but there are many involved.

I have no great words. It does seem like a huge mess that has escalated out of control. There is no quick fix to mend what has happened over the years-- but, if there is any way for you all to take some time to cool off- think rationally- and perhaps, about how the others might be feeling... then try to work through things and let go of the past and focus on the future... no matter what the outcome with you and Bruce, the kids (all three) should be a priority.

Best of luck with everything.