My son is going to be assessed ? Advice x

[mummyvikki]

I wrote this a few months back in toddler and pre-school.

Were do i start.....................PLEASE DONT JUDGE ME it's taken alot for me to write this

I have a gorgeous lovley little 4 year old boy (well 4 in 2weeks)
He was born at 31+5 and was a hard baby due to acid reflux and reflux apneoa.

He was always different to i thought.
Anyway as he got to about 2 i noticed changes in my son that i thought were just normal changes but it's continued for 2 year's and is getting worse.

Right,
There's alot of things i cant put my finger on.I love my son so so much but his daily behaviour is having a mental affect on my daily life not to mention i have a 6month old aswell.
I am not what you call strick but i dont let him get away with things,I dont smack/slap/hit my son..I punish with the naughty step or his room for 5minutes until he apologises and understands the reason behind his punishment.

Every morning is a disaster,He doesnt listen to me at all and is a very very loud child he will just scream and cry.His pre-school teacher has been watching my son's actions for over a week now and informs me of his ways everyday.Not been good at all this week.

Okay so i'll outline what i find abit out of the ordinary..
. He gets up every morning crying (continuous and doesn't have a explanation)
. He will not eat his breakfast regardless of which cereal we buy i try a different multi-pack everyday he is to choose what he wants.I try toast and everything..Fruit you name it. ( teacher has mentioned he wont eat at school either ) UNLESS chocolate or oranges.
. Very fussy when getting dressed,Extremley distracted by the slighest thing,Always ends in tear's most of the time me.
. He finds it hard to share and play with other children without crying or screaming.
. He is extremely loud,Never a quite moment in the house.
. He cannot sit still at all,fidget's so much,getting up and down,diving all over the place,screaming and making plenty noise ( favourite place is stand infront of the tv )
. Wont eat certain things for lunch or tea ive tried everything my supermarket has and he will only eat chicken,chips and spaghetti.
. Likes to take all his clothes off where ever we are.
. LASTLY He blaims everything on a imaginary friend called kia..If i ask him why he did something he says he doesnt know,he cant remember or kia told him too.
.THESE ARE THE HALF I CAN THINK OF.

My daily life is so demanding and i cant understand why he has a good diet of fruit,veg and water..I try my hardest to input these daily as he wont eat
He is very disruptive to me and tells me he hates me doesnt love me and only wants his nan,the preschool teacher told me he cried for 1 hr and 45mins for his nan..He has always been close to his nan and loves her very much.

I have finally picked up the courage to go to my GP and explains my upset and anxiety i face daily with my son's behaviour.
He is a darling at times and it breaks my heart to put this into writing but i need to clear my chest .

I had plenty of advise from the ladies in their and we tried everything we possibly could but had no change whatsoever.
The school called me in for a parent consultation and its gone from there his behaviour at school has been highlighted by his teacher and she has a few concerns the same as me.
I dont know what to say or what to think.I always put the blame down to myself for his out going behaviour but when i sit back and think about it i have tried every route possible.
We are being assessed on the 25th May and im so scared.Dont know what to expect or anything.

Thank you for any replies and im sorry its long x

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Hun, no one will judge or blame you I could have wrote this myself 3 yrs ago. I will PM you tomorrow but please dont worry you have made the biggest step by asking for support xx

 

[sun]

Agree with above - please don't blame yourself. It sounds like you are having a very difficult time and hopefully you can find some support here. I can't help with advice as my LO is much younger, but getting assessed is the first big step - it can open lots of doors to possible therapies, resources and tools for helping your son excel in areas he has trouble with. Tons of hugs xx

 

[mummyvikki]

Thank you so much for your lovely replys.
I think with being only 23 i blame myself maybe i wasnt doing it right but when i sit back and think about it all there isnt a right way to be a parent.
Hopefully we will find some answer's to my son's behaviour
Thanks again xx

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Honestly- dont blame youself. I have been there and it didnt help! What will be will be and finding out is the start as now you can work on things that help.

Do you know of any support groups in your local area xx

 

[mummyvikki]

Honestly- dont blame youself. I have been there and it didnt help! What will be will be and finding out is the start as now you can work on things that help.

Do you know of any support groups in your local area xx

I'm not sure if we do round here all i know is i will be meeting with them on the 25th may which seems so far away and this is at our local hospital hun as GP refereed us there.xx

 

[Schraderswife]

I can completely relate to this love....my son will be 4 in a month and we have many of those same problems and more. (I'm sure you have more also...it seems when you go to write them down, they disappear from your mind!!) For the last year everyone has said he is just a hyper kid but my husband and I knew there was something off. We go a week from Tuesday to be evaluated for ADHD although I have had a thousand opinions from people saying it isn't that or he's too young, etc. When YOU are the one who sees and deals with the behavior, you know something isn't right. PM me anytime if you want to chat! I would love to hear what you find out from your referral!! Hugs!

 

[mummyvikki]

I can completely relate to this love....my son will be 4 in a month and we have many of those same problems and more. (I'm sure you have more also...it seems when you go to write them down, they disappear from your mind!!) For the last year everyone has said he is just a hyper kid but my husband and I knew there was something off. We go a week from Tuesday to be evaluated for ADHD although I have had a thousand opinions from people saying it isn't that or he's too young, etc. When YOU are the one who sees and deals with the behavior, you know something isn't right. PM me anytime if you want to chat! I would love to hear what you find out from your referral!! Hugs!

You hit the nail right on the head,I mean ive been struggling with T from a young age he was never ' quite,comfortable,cryed a lot' but then i just brushed it off.
Me and oh get very uoset when were out in public as people are so quick to judge on you when they dont know the half of it.
Iv always thought i was a 'good' mom i mean no one is perfect but i tried my god dam hardest with him but nothing worked.
It has taken a long time for me to finally admit defeat with T and not only do i know what he's like but his grandparents do and his teachers at school do.
I love him more then life itself but i am just at my wits end and i cant see a way through it.
The diet,reward charts,routine was not ordinary for T and he hated it all..He knew it was 'different' if you must,he know's when things arent normal as such.
It gets so bad i pray for easy day's before bed ie :
wedding's
partys
outings

and i feel so so guilty for punishing myself and T for his ways as im sure he doesnt mean to break mommys heart
God i love him and i feel terrible for writing this but it helps im sure you understand xx

 

[andella95]

No one here is going to judge you!

I hope you find answers soon. I've never really visited this section of the forum before, but I feel as though I will be coming back here often as my 4 year old will be being evaluated soon as well.

 

[Schraderswife]

I can absolutely understand!! I have pretty much resigned myself to missing out on a lot of those functions because we simply cannot do it. It feels so unfair to my other boys but I don't know how I can keep Jonah and them safe when my attention always has to be on Jonah so he doesn't hurt himself or someone else. My husband and I have always been very strict with our kids; we want our children to be able to behave when needed and know when it's appropriate to run and play and be boys. But all that has gone out the window honestly. i just try to keep sanity at all costs. I know exactly what you mean, I look at Jonah and he melts my heart but then in the same second he can make me want to throw my hands in the air and scream. I had to get back on my antidepressants just to try to cope with how I am feeling so I can be better for him but I still feel like I am failing. Feel free to pm me anytime, I'd love amom to vent to who can relate!!! I hope there is light at the end of the tunnel for all of us and our whole families!!

 

[mummyvikki]

Sorry for the late reply,
Thank you for the kind words and i have comfort in the fact im not alone.
Things wont seem clearer until we have the assessment,Im so scared they are going to say its my fault and ive done this and done that wrong.
Me and my oh argue something rotten lately because he is trying help the situation and i just seem to let it by pass me and try to keep the peace so it doesnt end up in a screaming match with T.I just hope things will get easier although people were promising me this form the so called 'terrible 2's stage' still no change lol but hey he's here safe and healthy and until we get some answers i guess its just riding it out xx

 

[Schraderswife]

To be honest, the first doctor I talked to DID tell me that it was my husband and I's fault. She even told us we had no business having another child when we couldn't parent Jonah correctly. She and I got into a VERY heated arguement and I cried my eyes out. I vented to my husband for about a week all day every day. He was so sick of hearing about it. When people asked me what the dr said, I almost wanted to tell them we missed the appointment because I felt like if they heard a dr say that, then they would agree it was our fault and I couldn't handle hearing that. Thankg God above that the specialists took us seriously and completely agreed with us.

I know what you mean about fighting with your DH. My DH and I fought louder, meaner and more than before because at first, he thought i was exaggerating (although he admits now he was wrong and an asshole, lol). He told me I "baby"ed him and let him get away with everything and I couldn't handle hearing him constantly ride Jonah's a** all day long. Neither one of us knew what to do and we were always so embarassed to go into public because of his behavior so we took it out on each other. That and he would be at work all day and I was so jealous that he got to get away from the situation every day and I spent every day being so angry at my own child. The minute my DH walked through the door, I lashed otu on him and blew up when it wasn't even always his fault or had anythign to do with him. Neither of us shined at all. Literally the lowest spot of our whole relationship and it doesn't help that other people who don't understand try to stick their nose into the situation and give "advice".
I really hope things start improving and the specialist can get you guys some help too. I honest to God didn't believe anythign or anyone could help us but we saw the specialist two days ago and I already feel like I have a whole new family. If you need to vent, I am all ears and promise not to judge..there isn't any feeling I don't think I have felt so I can definitely relate to you love!! XXX

 

[mummyvikki]

Thank you for your such kind words Means alot.

Everything you said is just how we are,i cry about being here alone alday to and im a training nurse so wont qualify and be in work for a good while.
It hurts to think i moan about T like this but sometimes its the only way i can release all this tension i have built up.
Yesturday was a bad day again but he apologises and say's sorry mommy i wont do it again and 5 minutes later bam he's at it again.
I really hope that i don get blammed for this i mean my doctor said to me that she could see i was very upset and distraught about the whole thing and said not only does she think T needed a referral for him but for me aswell.
I've often looked up behavioural probelms and then deleted the history because i didnt want to believe it.
Maybe i have ignored his signs for to long and now ive punished him for something he has no 'control as such' over :/
I dont know im as confused as ever!!!
Thanks for listening hun xx

 

[chocdelight]

MummyVikki

I want to thankyou for writing your post I know how hard it is to talk about it, I just made a post for the first time myself before seeing this.

What you wrote is the same as my Son, apart from he can have loving quiet moments too, but the loud and aggressive tends to outweight the quieter times, apart from that difference it is exactly as you have described.

We are finishing off the assessments at the moment, I still dont know what really lies ahead. I just know that whatever is to be will be, and hope that I get some advice and support from the professionals as I find it difficult at the moment.

I wanted to say your not alone. I felt guilty too talking about it on here. I guess we have to remember we are only human too and we need help and support and it seems like here is a good starting block.x