My son's 4th birthday party. Am I being mean?!

[Sarah Lou 80]

I say this respectfully but, like you said the party is for your son. When you think about the work that goes into the party or how much you are going to have to clean up after the kids you are thinking about yourself. I thought I would put that into perspective.

I didn't mention anything about cleaning up mess?

 

[Sarah Lou 80]

I don't think you are being selfish either, but I would still be hurt. Maybe you could do one party for family and one for friends? That way no one could be offended and you would not have to have the heaving masses of ppl in your house? That would be a lot of work though, I know!

ETA I don't think your mum doing a tea party for the family is quite the same as you doing one.

Unfortunately, me working is going to get in the way of that! We have the one weekend day to do it! I'm working the weekend before and only have the one day off the weekend after. This is the weekend nearer to his birthday. During the week, most of his cousins are at school and he is at preschool himself. I think the tea party my mum wants to do would just be an extra fun thing for him. He won't know any different. As long as we sing happy birthday and he gets to blow out the candles on a cake (one hundred times!) he will be happy!

 

[Graceandpeace]

I don't think you are being mean. Its unreasonable to expect every one to be invited. If someone is upset you can arrange a seperate time to do cupcakes individually with family's at your home. Its better to have one on one time anyway. The huge partys are crazy and the point of celebrating gets lost. One year we had a crazy big birthday party for my 2 oldest and I realised that I had even forgotten to pray over our food. The entire time I was stressed out and I realised that thanking God for them and for all He has done for us had gotten totally lost in the chaos. Yes, lets support family relationships. But I think its better in small groups than one huge party. God bless you and your family,
Mary
John 3:16

 

[SarahBear]

As for him not knowing what he's missing by not having a party with 21 people, I don't think you need to worry about "missing out." I've seen big parties and small parties. Big ones are so impersonal and kids don't feel like they really get a chance to play together. Whereas in a small party, they still have tons of fun but they also get to connect with each other and actually feel like they had a chance to all play together. I think small is the way to go. Small isn't "missing out."

 

[catty]

What ages are his cousins?
My kids are exrememly close to there cousins and see each other twice a week but they are 6&7 (my children 2&3) so if i was having a very small 3rd bday i wouldnt invite them. If i was having a slightly larger party then i definately would. I think 4 kids round to the house then i wouldnt have the cousins. Id meet them another time in the week, buy another cake and sweeties and celebrate again (not a party just small get together) that way they have all met and i bet there would be much more chance of them playing if they meet seperately.
I know that definately my 6 year old neice wouldnt join in at that type of small get together and the 7 year old would be quite rough and it would end up being a wrestling party or something.
Anyway no i dont believe you are mean at all. I think if you were to have 15 kids and no cousins then thats a bit mean though as may aswell add in an extra couple to keep family peace

 

[Boo44]

I say this respectfully but, like you said the party is for your son. When you think about the work that goes into the party or how much you are going to have to clean up after the kids you are thinking about yourself. I thought I would put that into perspective.

The party is totally about her son. Who hasn't asked for his cousin to be invited

I don't see the big deal personally. Different if your LO specifically asked for cousin to be there and you said no, then I'd think that was mean but that's not the cAse At all.

It doesn't matter whether he asked or not, it's just rude not to invite family (except if there is problems). She already said he loves his cousins and would have a good time. Put yourself in her sister's shoes. How would you feel if your niece or nephew was having a birthday party and your kid wasn't invited but all of his friends were? Weather in denial about it or not it wouldn't feel very nice. Especially if you were the kid who didn't get invited to the birthday party.

This is rubbish there is no rule that you should have to invite family to a birthday party whether you get on or not! Ridiculous to suggest that. My sons adore their cousins but they don't go to their birthday parties. They all go to different schools and have different friends. Nobody is upset we just do a tea and cake party for cousins and LO gets two parties. Don't be passive aggressive suggesting OP is only thinking of herself.

 

[Sarah Lou 80]

What ages are his cousins?
My kids are exrememly close to there cousins and see each other twice a week but they are 6&7 (my children 2&3) so if i was having a very small 3rd bday i wouldnt invite them. If i was having a slightly larger party then i definately would. I think 4 kids round to the house then i wouldnt have the cousins. Id meet them another time in the week, buy another cake and sweeties and celebrate again (not a party just small get together) that way they have all met and i bet there would be much more chance of them playing if they meet seperately.
I know that definately my 6 year old neice wouldnt join in at that type of small get together and the 7 year old would be quite rough and it would end up being a wrestling party or something.
Anyway no i dont believe you are mean at all. I think if you were to have 15 kids and no cousins then thats a bit mean though as may aswell add in an extra couple to keep family peace

Thanks for this. He has two cousins who are 3, the others are 10, 7 and 6. He sees them lots anyway so

 

[catty]

What ages are his cousins?
My kids are exrememly close to there cousins and see each other twice a week but they are 6&7 (my children 2&3) so if i was having a very small 3rd bday i wouldnt invite them. If i was having a slightly larger party then i definately would. I think 4 kids round to the house then i wouldnt have the cousins. Id meet them another time in the week, buy another cake and sweeties and celebrate again (not a party just small get together) that way they have all met and i bet there would be much more chance of them playing if they meet seperately.
I know that definately my 6 year old neice wouldnt join in at that type of small get together and the 7 year old would be quite rough and it would end up being a wrestling party or something.
Anyway no i dont believe you are mean at all. I think if you were to have 15 kids and no cousins then thats a bit mean though as may aswell add in an extra couple to keep family peace

Thanks for this. He has two cousins who are 3, the others are 10, 7 and 6. He sees them lots anyway so

Yeh i dont know its not something i would worry about myself, its not as if your inviting one and not the others?
If you invite them that more than doubles the guests kinda defeats the purpose of a small party

 

[MAMA MOON]

This is indeed a dilemma & I hope you figure out a way to do it all without hurting feelings while managing to actually enjoy this very special day.

I don't think you're being mean. I think you're just trying to figure it out.

I will be in a similar situation this summer when my son turns 5. Managing 2 parties would just be too much. Some may find this selfish, but I actually want to spend time with my son and enjoy our time together on his birthday. It is about him, but I had something to do with bringing him into this world & I want to celebrate it with him.

 

[Scout]

I can't imagine being upset with my sister or hurt if my child wasn't invited to her child's bd party if she had explained it was his school friends. What you are doing is fine and I wouldn't give it another thought tbh. And a second party would be fun if you want to do that; personally, I wouldn't and won't being doing that. Extended family doesn't have to celebrate birthdays with a party.

 

[sequeena]

Thomas is at the age now where I'm starting to think the same thing. In our family it's the done thing to invite family, even at adult birthdays we all go to the same restaurant, kids and all. I can't do a party at home as we have 2 large dogs and our garden is set up in a way that it would just be a nightmare to keep them separated. None of my family have dogs, I don't want to stress anyone especially our dogs and Thomas does not cope well with having other children in his home.

I wanted to do something with the children in his class. There's only 7 of them and all have additional needs. We loved soft play last year so I'd like to do it again but for the fairness of his classmates I don't want all my family there and to be honest it would be nice for Thomas to do something nice with his friends outside school. However I'm not sure family would take it particularly well and I couldn't afford to do 2 parties

 

[Sarah Lou 80]

Thomas is at the age now where I'm starting to think the same thing. In our family it's the done thing to invite family, even at adult birthdays we all go to the same restaurant, kids and all. I can't do a party at home as we have 2 large dogs and our garden is set up in a way that it would just be a nightmare to keep them separated. None of my family have dogs, I don't want to stress anyone especially our dogs and Thomas does not cope well with having other children in his home.

I wanted to do something with the children in his class. There's only 7 of them and all have additional needs. We loved soft play last year so I'd like to do it again but for the fairness of his classmates I don't want all my family there and to be honest it would be nice for Thomas to do something nice with his friends outside school. However I'm not sure family would take it particularly well and I couldn't afford to do 2 parties

It's really tricky isn't it! I wish I was someone who didn't worry about everything!

 

[MelH]

I think it should be your sons choice to invite his cousin or not, my son would definitely invite his cousin as they are inseparable. But give him the choice.

 

[Sarah Lou 80]

I think it should be your sons choice to invite his cousin or not, my son would definitely invite his cousin as they are inseparable. But give him the choice.

But I couldn't invite just one cousin. It would have to be all 5 of them which is where it gets difficult with regards to lack of space at home and affordability if I did it at the soft play.