My soon to be 5 year will NOT listen at school or anywhere else!!

[twiggy327]

My daughter will be 5 in August and is starting kindergarten this year. She is currently in preschool and gets at least 1 "timeout" per day if not more. They base a "good day" on less than 3 timeouts. She is very independent and outgoing which is what I love about her. She did dance last year and would not listen and follow directions for the teacher so I pulled her out half way through the session thinking she was too young. This year she does gymnastics and only ocassionally gets in trouble there. She wanted to do Teeball and all was well for the first couple games and then Jordynator emerged (Her name is Jordyn and her teachers at school call her Jordynator after the Terminator...lovely right??) She literally walked the bases and ignored her coaches instructions and poked and tiptoed along when the ball came to her. Can you say embarrassing!?! Now that Teeball is over I signed her up for swim lessons. This was her first week and it was Jordynator all over again!! She loves to swim so I thought I had a winner here...NOT!! She was fine for the first day but the second day she was a nightmare!! Got out of the water, ran around the pool deck, was throwing floaties around everywhere, and actually teased the teacher with a ball and then chucked it into the pool over her head so she would have to go and get it. I almost pulled her out early and left of embarrassment!! If your children do extra curriculars you know how expensive it is. I am willing to fork out the cash and sacrifice my shoe collection fund but WTF?? Im wasting money! Shes obviously not getting anything out of it other than making other mothers think she was raised by a pack of wolves! I tried taking things away from her, time outs, no play dates, nothing is working!!!!!!!!! what do i do??

 

[Jo]

Personally I would puller out of all extra things, as you say it is costing you money and she is not getting anything out of it.

It sounds like she is just not ready for the extra stuff after her day at pre-school maybe she is tired and just wants to chill out at home after school.

At Jack's school they offer a variety of out of school activities but they generally can't start them until they are in year 1, in reception (kindergarten?) and Nursery ( pre-school), they are deemed a little young after the work in school so it is not offered to them.

She probably just needs 6 month more to mature and rein herself in a bit
xx

 

[Dream.dream]

Sound like my mothers description I me when I was little . Was diagnosed with ADHD after . Part of the not listening with ADHD kids because they often get distracted and have almost no impulse control do they do what they want because they want to .

It may be something else but I would honestly talk to her pediatrician about her behavior as its normal for kids to be slightly defiant sometimes but not as regularly as your saying and it's interfering with we school and activities

 

[pinklightbulb]

I'd take her to be assessed for anything that could cause the behaviour and if all was ruled out I would take the hard line I'm afraid. But I'm a bitch lol. Any misbehaviour would result in going home immediately, every time, no ifs ands or buts!

 

[sparkle23]

I agree about taking her to be assessed. IF she has ADHD then it will be SOOOO helpful to know about it as you will understand her better and will be able to find suitable treatments for her (not just talking about meds here, am mainly talking about different ways of approaching situations).

I am a swimming instructor and I have an 8yo boy with ADD (no hyperactivity) and I myself have Asperger's.

I doubt she will be able to flourish in a mainstream swimming environment. It is NOISY, there is MOVEMENT everywhere, lights reflecting everywhere, and sooo many other people doing so many things. My Son barely functioned there.

I would recommend one on one tuition - preferably with an instructor who works with kids with these differences, if you can find one.

Also at school, my son last year got moved to a desk all by himself to take away distractions, as he was aaaalways distracted. He enjoyed it, and he got a lot more work done. It always depends on how understanding the teacher is though. The nickname "Jordynator" doesn't sound encouraging

If the usual "punishments" aren't working, it is usually because we aren't understanding what the cause of the behaviour is.

Many kids can have sensory issues that parents have no idea about and this can cause them to "act out". Often they tell us what is going on for them, but we don't believe them. Or, they are unable to articulate it (which is tough ).

Examples of sensory sensitivities can be:

- Being sensitive to noise, light, touch, taste, smell, balance, and movement
(like artificial light or sunlight, textures of some clothing, loud noises or crowds, sensitive to visual movement or their own body moving, not being good with balance, etc)

- they can also be sensory seekers (looking for sensory stuff to help them feel more calm or more aroused).

- they can also have issues with regulating their nervous system more than others. Their nervous system can be overly underaroused or overly aroused. This means they need to seek out ways to control this - they might do this by jumping around a lot in order to get their attention "back on line" as one example.

- Trampolines are a good tool for kids like this - it can help stimulate them AND calm them.

Sorry for the mish mash of information! I hope some of it helps.

 

[iwa]

Maybe she doesn't have ADHD but is just a normal little kid and isn't interested in those things yet...

There was a rumor going around that the doctor who discovered ADHD confessed that it was fabricated, but snopes asserts that he merely meant it is over diagnosed...
Read here:
https://www.snopes.com/politics/quotes/adhd.asp

Please don't drug your kid just because a doctor gets big bucks for selling the drugs to unsuspecting and terrified parents...


I don't know you or what you are like but seeing all these get your kid checked for behavioral disorders comments really scares me.

My niece and nephew have been going through this.

 

[sparkle23]

There is plenty of real scientific evidence that it is real.

Ignoring it in a child can cause more long-term damage than you might realise.

TRUST ME. I am an adult diagnosed only 2 years ago with Asperger's. Had I been diagnosed as a child I would have been a LOT more successful in my life and been a lot more balanced.

There is nothing worse than having issues that others won't believe you about and punishing you for it without ever addressing the underlying causes.

Also, medication is an OPTION. No one here is pushing medication.

My son with ADD is NOT on medication. We use strategies to help him and most of all, I have done plenty of reading and I am on his side, I understand him, and I help in the ways that he NEEDS help.

Also, no one said that the OP's child DOES have ADHD - they merely suggested that they get checked out. Getting checked out is not harmful. But NOT getting checked out CAN be.

Sorry, but ignorance really frustrates me.

 

[iwa]

I am not being ignorant...just saying I don't think that should be the first resort, you know? Actually, I am advocating AGAINST ignorance.

Obviously it is not my child nor my decision to make.

I am sorry you were offended, but you also have to realize that what is true for you is not necessarily true for everyone else.

It may be good to get it check out if that is what her mother feels is necessary, and I don't know how it is where you are, but here in the states they hand out ADHD meds like candy and it is quite concerning. That is where my responseis coming from.

 

[sparkle23]

Thanks, that's ok. I can get very fired up on this topic. I am an Aspie so when I learn about stuff I learn about it in DEPTH, which I have done with both autism spectrum disorders and ADHD. I am also quite an advocate for awareness and education about it.
Sorry if I overreacted, I just get scared for the kids who don't get understood and helped in the ways they need - a bit of a button for me.

I do know what you mean about meds being handed out willy nilly. I would honestly keep that as a last resort, however, there is also scientific evidence that it is required to help in many ways. I would always try behavioural strategies first though.

If you educate yourself thoroughly enough, then you won't be at the mercy of a doctor's advice and can make a better decision for your child.

And yes, absolutely it is up to the mother what she does

 

[twiggy327]

If the problem persists I may take her to a therapist and see if they can divulge any info that i am missing. She started gymnastics camp today (which i paid for months ago with no refund so i couldnt back out) and her progress report said she did fantastic, great listener, excelled in tumbling skills, blah blah blah and thats three straight hours of gymnastics and floor tumbling. She was acting up during 45 minutes of instructed swim lessons tho. I will absolutely 100% not drug my kid with medication at 5 just to make her more docile and manageable. I was diagnosed at 14 with ADD and given adderall which made me feel jittery and sick so I was reevaluated by a new doctor and was told I was a typical girl going through puberty who cared more about boys and friends than school and homework. I was grounded when i acted up and made to see a therapist for year. Im not saying that ADHD doesnt exist I just think that kids are brats at 5 years old, some more than others. I have already talked to preschool and plan on talking to her kindergarten teacher within her first week or so this fall about keeping an eye on her behavior and if its not normal I will take her to a therapist. I will not, however, have her put on medication.

 

[Dream.dream]

If the problem persists I may take her to a therapist and see if they can divulge any info that i am missing. She started gymnastics camp today (which i paid for months ago with no refund so i couldnt back out) and her progress report said she did fantastic, great listener, excelled in tumbling skills, blah blah blah and thats three straight hours of gymnastics and floor tumbling. She was acting up during 45 minutes of instructed swim lessons tho. I will absolutely 100% not drug my kid with medication at 5 just to make her more docile and manageable. I was diagnosed at 14 with ADD and given adderall which made me feel jittery and sick so I was reevaluated by a new doctor and was told I was a typical girl going through puberty who cared more about boys and friends than school and homework. I was grounded when i acted up and made to see a therapist for year. Im not saying that ADHD doesnt exist I just think that kids are brats at 5 years old, some more than others. I have already talked to preschool and plan on talking to her kindergarten teacher within her first week or so this fall about keeping an eye on her behavior and if its not normal I will take her to a therapist. I will not, however, have her put on medication.

Just wanted to say not saying she has it but I have ADHD and as a child I was a lot. Like this. And lots kids with ADHD will do really well with certain activities they like and not well in things they don't ( I actually did really well in gymnastics and skating but had problems in school all the time)

I wasnt diagnose until I was almost 11 and school was a nightmare , but with the rigt meds it was a lot easier for me. Meds Arnt always horrible and its certainly not for the parent more for the child

 

[messica]

When she behaved so terribly at those activities how did you address her behavior once you got home?


A lot if people jump the ADD/ADHD gun when it's simply a discipline issue. Time outs are sort of what teachers and coaches are restricted to (I'm a daycare provider, it gets terribly frustrating when that's the only thing licensing will allow). You however, at home, have the ability to tweak with whatever her currency is. If she loves Barbies and has a stock pile for example, TAKE THE WHOLE LOT AWAY! Make her earn them back one by one with each good day she has at school or at an activity. If she likes a certain tv show, pull all tv and have her earn that watch time back.

My son hit a bad patch at the age of 5/6 and I pulled nearly everything out of his room over the course of a few months time at one point. He had to earn it back with chores and good behavior. Everyone suggested he had ADHD and encouraged me to talk to his pediatrician about medicating him but really all he needed was for us to firm up his boundaries and set clearer and firmer consequences.

I don't do warnings or second chances. At 5 a kiddo knows plenty well what is expected of them. If naughty or disrespectful at home or out in public I don't say a word, just go pull whatever I know will make the biggest impression and put it in a box in the laundry room that my kids know means they need to step it up to reclaim their property.

 

[Eternal]

I certainly wouldn't jump right down the ADHD route unless you have concerns, she may just need to mature a bit and learn that the world doesn't revolve around her, which kids take a while yo learn.

For the person who said ADHD isn't real, I do take offence! I was you before, when I was nursing and doing volunteer work with children I thought ADHD was a excuse for an undisciplined child! How wrong was I, roll on three and a half years and I knew my son was busy, and it's got so much worse, right now he is suspected autism and ADHD and displays aspects of both. The symptoms are my son to a t, and I can assure you he isn't undisaplined, school and anywhere were he is over stimulate are a nightmare and its really hard when you have people saying its nonsense. There is plenty of specific evidence to prove oh exists.