My story of Gender disappointment

[Hope41more]

I know if you are feeling the effects of gender disappointment nothing I say right now is going to make you feel better. I know because I have been there.The good thing is I and others are here for you to talk too. I had no one to talk to when I was suffering. I think it is a taboo subject and the comments of 'as long as it healthy' etc just make it worse.
Here is my story- First I have 3girls who will be 16, 17 & 18 when my little boy arrives. This will be the first time I have told my story honestly and in so much detail. Have never discussed half of this with ANYONE before.
I was married and had my first baby at 18, gender did not even cross my mind when I was pregnant with my first. My husband at the time wanted a little boy so badly with my 2nd and I think that rubbed off on me. I then so wanted to give him a son. We could not find out the gender at my 20wk scan (legs crossed) and with the pregnancy being so different in everyway I and everyone around me thought I was having a boy. I gave birth to my girl and gender disappointment hit hard VERY HARD. (You can even see it in my face with photos taken straight after the birth). Long story but my husband left hospital fairly quickly and I will never forget my first night in hospital- a woman had called her son the name I had had for mine, I cried myself to sleep that night. I went into mourning for the son I had lost- the clothes I wanted to buy, the visions I had of him etc. I then fell pregnant quickly with my 3rd hoping I would have a boy and this feeling would go away (first time I have told anyone that). My 18week scan was on my 20th birthday. I came home totally devastated I was having another girl. My partners reaction was worse than mine, while I was eating birthday cake with my parents he went upstairs with the yellow pages and rang private abortion clinics and booked me in for an appointment. That night when he went to work I rang the samaritans, who else could I talk to about this serious matter without sounding crazy??? (I actually felt like I had lost my mind). One of the first questions I asked the guy I spoke to was how many children he had and what their genders were. I went to the abortion clinic (naive and frogged marched if i'm honest) without even discussing how we both really felt. I came away from the initial appointment in a state (reality of what he wanted me to do and with the facts of what my baby and I woulld have to endure) not wanting to go through with the abortion my husband had just booked me in for 3days later. I cried and cried at my scan photos, I could feel her kick. No way could I do that to her just coz she was a GIRL. My relationship went down hill. I gave birth to my daughter and loved her instantly, I adored her. My husband and I split 8weeks later *for me having gender disappointment while pregnant was what was best for both me and my baby compared to going through it after baby was born*
Forward 13yrs and I wanted a baby with my now partner of 12yrs, so I had my mirena coil removed. After nearly 2yrs I was still not pregnant so we went to a fertility specialist. I discovered my tubes were blocked last June, had a lap & dye to try and unblock them in sep to be told more devastating news- My tubes were so severly damaged they were blocked both ends, twisted and away from my ovaries and only way I could have another baby was via IVF. Long story but my partner and I split (he would not do IVF) we had sex once and 6weeks after surgery I was pregnant!!!!!!!
Before I TTC I said i wanted another girl. After such severe gender disappointment why??? Hinsight- I love and adore my 3girls and they are my world or because I wanted a boy and did not want to go through gender diasppointment again. I can honestly say I don't know but LTTC and infertility changed everything and I can honestly say when I went for my scan I did not care- All I wanted was a healthy baby. I now feel bad for not caring about this babys gender and it's weird thinking back to how I felt all those years ago Part of me wishes I could go back in time and give him to myself back then- weird eh???
I hope you get the gender you are hoping for, if not I hope gender disappointment does not hit too hard. Just remember you can and will feel beter I am living proof of that.

 

[FlowerPotMum]

Hello Hope41more. I am 12 weeks tomorrow. I already have a little boy and although a pink parcel in October would be amazing, I do not consider myself at risk of gender disappointment. If my baby is blue, and turns out half as amazing as my first, I'll be a very lucky Mummy indeed. I did however find it very interesting reading your post and I wanted to thank you for your openness and frank honesty.
The icing on the cake was how your life experiences had taught you not to wish for a particular sex, but then you got your little boy anyway. Amazing.
Congratulations on all four of your children x

 

[geordiemammy]

I have 4 boys and am currently 8-9 weeks pregnant I was similar to you found out boy with first but they couldn't tell with the second and was convinced it was my girl but when he was born they held him up we couldn't see the sex and all I said was that better be a boy cause if its a girl its the ugliest I have seen he just had such a boys face then we came to baby number 3 a very close friend was pregnant at the same time and was having a girl when I found out it was another boy I was gutted but I had lost my father a few weeks earlier so him being a boy didn't seem to take as much to get used to however my friend never spoke to me again cause she thought I was jealous I only found this out a year ago though and she stopped talking to me in 2005 if she had only of talked instead of ignoring me I love my boys so much but I was ready to call it a day 3 boys was enough then I found out I was pregnant again everything was fine until I was on a plane to the canaries at 13weeks pregnant I started bleeding plans diverted and I spent 4 days in a Portuguese hospital with poor care and horrid staff scan showed baby was ok but they said they thought my placenta was coming away when I finally landed in the uk I had just stepped foot off the plane and rang my doctor and arranged a scan all was fine then I got slapped cheek and my babies safety was at risk I had a private scan to find out the sex but to be honest I just didn't care boy or girl by that point I just wanted my baby to be ok so I got another boy myself and their father split just after he was born I vowed no more but then I met my partner and he didn't have kids but wanted one so I said ok 1 more we have had hell trying to get a healthy baby I just keep miscarrying I have said to docs do you think I can't carry girls? They say no but I think otherwise anyway with this one I really would like a pink one and so would my boys but I keep telling myself its a boy and that's what I'm sticking to I will find out at 16 weeks if my baby hangs on and I know ill feel disappointment if they say boy but only to a certain degree as ill love him or her regardless and ill have my own little 5 aside team

 

[motherofboys]

This is my 4th, I have 3 boys and this is the first time I think I'm at a real risk of gender disappointment.
Thank you for sharing you story

 

[Ava Grace]

Thank you for your story. I'm expecting my 2nd boy and my emotions are all over the place. I always pictured I'd have a boy and then a girl. 5 phycics told me this too so i have always believed it! I couldn't have been more shocked at my scan when I saw boy parts and the consultant confirmed boy! He even said 100%! I cried all the way home! It sort of ruined my pregnancy. Now I'm 35 weeks and I'm excited to meet my boy but I feel so guilty for feeling like I want a girl! One of my close friends has just had her 2nd baby and had a girl and I'm so jealous I can't help it!
Im also so worried about everyone saying "aw never mind" when he's born!
X

 

[maybebaby3]

Thank you for sharing. I really want a little girl this time and it doesn't help that 95% of the people around me are convinced its a girl! Part of me is scared of my gender scan in case it is a boy. That said I have 2 boys and they are so sweet and lovable but I'm desperate to give my DD the sister she craves!

 

[mom2b2013]

Thanks for sharing. Although I really want a girl, I think I'll be ok if I have a boy. When I hold him, I don't think it will matter what gender he is.