My Story

[Louisandemma]

My name is Lewis, I am a Daddy to an 8 week old beautiful little girl called Emma. (Username is spelled different to protect from Ex.)

During our 18 month relationship we hit difficulty. I told her over a year ago that I wasn't sure of the relationship and we split up. 2 Months later I started seeing another girl - Though i held off on this relationship as we both had feelings for our ex's. We weren't exclusive. Though we became exclusive four months later.

During a drunken night out in which we met by chance, me and my ex ended up in bed together (before me and current missus were exclusive). I instantly had regrets and apologised or my mixed signals.

8 weeks later I got a message through Facebook. Ex is pregnant.

Forward a year - We have an eight week old little girl.

We don't have the best relationship, I understand she felt messed around. Now she lets me see my daughter too rarely, im thinking of court. Ive met her three times,shes 8 weeks

Would be nice to have some Mummies insights! x

 

[MissDee-89]

Maybe you could speak to the citizens advice bureau. They will be able to tell you your options, if you can get legal aid if you go to court.
Have you tried speaking to her and letting her know how much you want to see your baby?
I know its hard but dont get angry, mothers can get very defensive without realising. Good luck.

 

[Louisandemma]

I'm entitled to legal aid, because I'm a student. I've offered to go to mediation (privately) but she refused. The last time I saw my daughter was the 3rd March, shes told me shes busy until the 28th now.

I've tried to talk to her, but she always changes the topic from my little girl to my girlfriend or my life. She still has feelings for me, and I wish she didn't. It's difficult to try to keep things polite and to the point with her when she's constantly changing the subject or getting angry with me/wound up with me because I won't act like a 'family' with her.

She told me when my daughter was 9 days old that I either left my partner, else I don't get to have a relationship with my daughter. Shes since apologised, but its how it feels when I get to see her so rarely.

 

[MissDee-89]

Oh dear I can see why shes upset, its hard being a mum and watching the dad love someone else. But she should be thinking of your daughter and the fact she needs her dad in her life.

 

[Louisandemma]

Thank you Thats what I wish she'd do. I've offered her space - Said I'll see Emma with her mum or sister rather than her. I've offered to do everything legally and through contact centres while Emma is breastfed.

I've also offered to take Emma home for a couple of hours to give her a break (Though shes very opposed to me EVER having unsupervised access)

I don't see any way around court, because any time I have contact with her she brings up my girlfriend or our history.

I've been with my girlfriend for 10 months officially, and she's accepted my daughter and wants to help in any way she can. Yet my ex is nasty about her. It's all so very childish. I've told her at the moment the best way she can help is to give my ex space. My ex got drunk last week and text me begging me to go over... Its so unfair that I either jump in feet first, leave my other half and have a family for my daughter, or I dont get to see my daughter.

I feel very ashamed to admit I've even considered it, just to have a relationship with my little girl.

 

[MissDee-89]

She probably doesn't want your girlfriend to meet the baby and that may be why shes so defensive. If she asks you to go round do your best to turn up but if she's inappropriate be polite but say you like her as a friend, and you are there for your daughter.

 

[davidjoemum]

She probably doesn't want your girlfriend to meet the baby and that may be why shes so defensive. If she asks you to go round do your best to turn up but if she's inappropriate be polite but say you like her as a friend, and you are there for your daughter.

I agree with that comment.she doesn't want your girlfriend to meet your daughter.

 

[Louisandemma]

I've never suggested taking my girlfriend round (Though I'm sorry but that's inevitable at some point). She won't even let me go round to see my daughter supervised. Once-twice a month is useless.

 

[whatwillbe]

It sounds like she's hurting and still has feelings for you, this is why she's lashing out, using your daughter as a weapon, I can understand because I was left pregnant alone by my fob, when I was pregnant I told him he'd have nothing to do with her, because of the way he treated me and I was hurting, but since she was born I have gave him every chance to be in her life, because my baby deserves a dad, he's still not met her, at least your willing and want to see your daughter, all I can sujest is that you be persistent, if you say your going to see your daughter, make sure your there on time ect, don't give her any ammo against you, be nice but firm with her, once she realizes your not going to give up hopefully shell stop making it so difficult for you, don't give up on your daughter, I don't think you will though, you sound like a great dad x

 

[Louisandemma]

Thank you. There's nothing in this world i'd put before Emma. x

 

[1sdrfa]

My husband went through the same thing with my step daughter. She only letting DH see SD when she had something better 2 do. When he met me I wanted 2 help but knew the best thing for DH and SD was for me 2 stay away and give them the time 2 bond! When his ex found out about me she blamed his relationship with me because she didn't want me near her daughter. It took 2 years before DH went 2 court 2 get access and it was the best thing for him as it meant he knew when he was goin 2 get his daughter. I think court would be best at least u would know where u stand and even if your ex is being difficult then u know what your rights are!

 

[daneuse27]

You sound like a great dad! And your girlfriend sounds so understanding and forgiving - you slept with your ex while you were already dating her and she forgives you. wow. All I can say is shes a nicer person that I am.
Your ex is bitter and jealous that you've moved on to a new relationship. I agree that she still has feling for you. Being a single mom is hard and isolating; she may be worried that she'll never find love one day.
Are you paying child support may I ask? A court will laugh at you if youre not contributing financially to your daughter.
Talk to your ex and try to find out what she needs. shes doing the hardest job in the world and is probably very stressed. I hope you can help her and get this sorted.

 

[Louisandemma]

I pay her £15 a week child support, although through CSA I don't have to pay as I'm a student. I'm trying to help out and show my commitment though.

At the time me and my girlfriend were casual, but yes I'm very lucky to have her. She's brilliant I've actually been looking at engagement rings prior to all of this going off. My ex is making me question my once solid relationship. Shes a lovely girl, just not the one for me (My ex I mean)

Well, we met up today as she text saying she had some free time. She did bring Emma with her , which I was ecstatic about. Athough she can't make the 28th now, which is why she brought her. We talked over coffee while I fed and held Emma. She said Emmas too young at the moment and that shes not even thought about a routine yet as to visitation. She says its not important at the moment as Emma doesnt even know / recognise people. I got a bit upset at this and protested, but then my ex started crying. She said at one point 'So, How's she?' Meaning my girlfriend. I don't know whether to take this as her being funny or making an effort. Her tone was antagonistic.

Advice time girls! The reason she met me today and agreed to meet at all was to give me some bad news. Apparently, Emma has a heart defect that was spotted in the hospital. Kate didn't tell me apparently because she didnt want to worry me. So, Emma has to go for tests and depending on the results, has an option of surgery or monitoring. As im not on her birth certificate, I can't reques to be at appointments/her notes etc apparently. Is there anything I can do emergently so that I can have a say in her medical care? It'll take a long time to get parental responsibility through court i assume. I'm very worried and feel its something the two of us should be deciding on. I asked her today about going to add myself onto her birth certificate and my ex wouldnt discuss it.

 

[daneuse27]

Well definitely hang on to your girlfriend. She sounds brilliant Especially with wanting to help with your daughter and stuff - you've really hit the jackpot, because if I were in her shoes I probably would have run for the hills by now. Make sure you show her how special you realize she is Itll be good for Emma in the long run too to have so many people in her life that care about her (once your ex comes around) which eventually she will. It just takes time.
About the legality thing, I'm really not sure... have you thought of talking to a lawyer briefly just to ask questions?

 

[justhoping]

i hate to say this but your going to have to go to legal aid and get a lawyer and get something done so you can start to bond with your daughter before she is 20 and so your x tops using your x as a weapon

 

[justhoping]

i dont know if you have it there but here there is a dna test in any pharmacy..its like just 200 dollars or 100 pounds maybe...that should prove ur her dad in any court..

also if there baby is young enough we dont need to go to court to put the dad on the birth cert

i forget where you need to gotl i think you just need mom and dad signature ...again i forget where but im sure if you call the council or laywer office they will tell you where to go

 

[gracexxx]

This is difficult! I understand how your ex is feeling, my fob left me when I was 7 months pregnant and got with another girl 5 days later! And although of course it's not the same situation I was insanely jealous and bitter.
I admire what a brilliant dad you want to be and that you really want to be a part of your daughters life. My fob last saw our LO when she was 3 days she's now 14 months, and it's still very hard to accept he wants nothing to do with her.
Your ex has recently become a mum and that's unbelievably scary and sometimes overwhelming. Her hormones are all over the place, and like others have said she's probably jealous as shes still got feelings for you, and you're with another girl.
She needs time to get her head together I think, and understand and accept things are over between you two, and just think about what's best for your LO, which is having her daddy in her life.
I wish you all the best.