Sorry you are going through this nightmare. I too, know only too well what you are going through. The week following the delivery of Emilia was one of the worst of my life, but it really does get easier, I promise you that.
I was just like you, crying in an instant, on and off all week. All my body and mind were crying out to do was to care for my baby. My boobs were even producing an incredible amount of milk, which was quite distressing. However, you have to bear in mind that your body is raging with hormones at this point. Once the hormones subsided, so did my emotional state.
Take in easy on yourself and take one day at a time.
RIP little angel x x x
It is so awful, isn't it? I am just getting the milk now, which hit me again like a sledgehammer because I knew there was a possibility of it (from websites, mind you - no medical professionals warned me!), but hoped I might have been too early for that.
I had a midwife phone me today to ask why I hadn't made my appointment at the local surgery and asking if everything was ok. No one had passed on the information to her. I felt sorry for her having to break it to her like that over the phone and how she must have felt so unprofessional. I hope she's making some angry calls right now, because the breakdown in communication is amazing.
At least one positive thing came from that call - she told me I can take medication to stop the milk flow, which is great. I can't cope with that part of it. It's like a cruel reminder of everything I have lost and my body is just thinking 'ok, baby must be here now' and it's just not. So someone is calling today to fix that side of things at least.
It's amazing...one thing that kept coming to me throughout this whole ordeal is thinking of other people that have been through this and feeling such an empathy and connection. It's one of the reasons I had to come here so soon. I really feel for every single one of you here. It's just the worst thing to happen and no one else gets it. I never understood it before now, even having been pregnant before and having children, I never knew what this kind of event meant, and now I do. I hope I can help others as much as hearing all your kind words and stories has helped me.
x
. The care I received at Nottingham City Hospital was fantastic and I couldn't have faulted anything. They warned me about the milk so I was prepared, however I wasn't prepared for how distressing it would be!! I think the care I received made the whole nightmare that little easier to deal with. So sorry you didn't recieve that same level of care 
