Hoping4aBoy
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- Joined
- Oct 15, 2013
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No expectations, no prejudgment. Like a butterfly flies from it's cocoon into a fresh new beginning, don't let your past be your tour guide.
I am doing my best to feel optimistic and calm. This month was not my month. Perhaps next month will be my month. I went back in today. Parking in the same spot, walking the same halls, smiling at the nurses who have become my silent cheerleaders, trying to ignore the sympathetic look from the receptionist I know my Doctors office like my own home. I never imagined that this journey would have taken this long. I wouldnt have imagined that this journey was going to claim so much of my sanity. I have not carried myself with much grace these past three years.
I feel like a fractured ping ball, in a game that has only one functioning paddle left and no right foot. Its almost comical if I think about it. If I think about the person I was prior to this situation. I am certainly not her any more. If I am, she is sleeping quietly and patiently waiting to remerge once the crazy has blown over.
I have often felt like a time bomb, a grenade with a faulty pin. I kept hoping someone would see me breaking and stop it from happening. But no one is going to save me from this. The white horse is going to remain rider-less, that is until I decide to stop drowning.
I am making a pledge to myself. A pledge to stop this never ending circle of the drain that has become me.
Tomorrow is a new day, and this month may be my month.
I am doing my best to feel optimistic and calm. This month was not my month. Perhaps next month will be my month. I went back in today. Parking in the same spot, walking the same halls, smiling at the nurses who have become my silent cheerleaders, trying to ignore the sympathetic look from the receptionist I know my Doctors office like my own home. I never imagined that this journey would have taken this long. I wouldnt have imagined that this journey was going to claim so much of my sanity. I have not carried myself with much grace these past three years.
I feel like a fractured ping ball, in a game that has only one functioning paddle left and no right foot. Its almost comical if I think about it. If I think about the person I was prior to this situation. I am certainly not her any more. If I am, she is sleeping quietly and patiently waiting to remerge once the crazy has blown over.
I have often felt like a time bomb, a grenade with a faulty pin. I kept hoping someone would see me breaking and stop it from happening. But no one is going to save me from this. The white horse is going to remain rider-less, that is until I decide to stop drowning.
I am making a pledge to myself. A pledge to stop this never ending circle of the drain that has become me.
Tomorrow is a new day, and this month may be my month.
