MyTurnYet
Surprise - pg with #2!
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Part I – Labor
40 weeks and 4 days pregnant: I woke up Wednesday, 11/16 at about 5 a.m. vaguely aware of some cramps in my stomach. It felt like AF was coming, which is exactly what I felt like the Saturday earlier. I also had a bloody show on Saturday and thought I was going into labor but it didn’t turn into anything the following day, so didn’t think much of it now, although the cramping was a little more severe this time and I silently said a prayer that it meant the baby was coming. Instead of waking up DH, I put on my headphones and did my childbirth meditation and tried to visualize the baby moving his way down. At about 6:15 a.m. I got out of bed to go to the bathroom and saw a lot of blood…more than spotting. It looked just like my period. Since I’ve had bleeding issues throughout the pregnancy that they thought may have been from a small placental abruption I got scared and woke up DH to tell him I was calling the doctor. I realized my pains were getting a little progressively worse. Because I had endometriosis I have very strong AF cramps that make me housebound, and this felt like my worst AF cramps. When the midwife called back at 6:30 I said I was having pain and bleeding. It was mostly in my lower back and the cramps were coming and going. I said it felt like maybe contractions, but I wasn’t sure, yet. She said it sounded like I was in early labor and should notice a pattern to the pains soon. She told me to eat some light breakfast, take a shower, and go into the office at 8:30 a.m. to get checked.
I’m surprised how fast contractions progressed after that. By 7 a.m. they were regular and more intense each time and had a definite beginning and ending (although my back continued to hurt) and I was sure they were contractions and that I was going into labor. Meanwhile, Charlie, my dog, had been acting like he was in pain again (he had 2 spinal surgeries over the summer) so we called the vet to let them know Charlie was in pain and I was in labor and they said to have someone drop him off at 7:45 and they would check him out and call me so I didn’t have to worry. We had been planning on having him stay at the vet, anyway, since he was still recovering from his last surgery. At 7:30 DH’s boss and his wife came to pick Charlie up to take him to the vet (so nice of them). I was having a hard time getting excited about the labor even though I waited so long for it because all I could think about was how worried I was about my dog. (Although apparently, once he got to the vet he bounced in the door like nothing was wrong and has been acting fine ever since…sympathy pains for me, maybe).
By 7:30/8 a.m. before my appointment my contractions were 5 minutes apart and lasting 50+ seconds. At the doctor they put me on the fetal monitor to check. By 9 a.m. at my doctor’s office they were 3 minutes apart on the fetal monitor and more painful. The doctor confirmed I was definitely in labor, but it was early. I was confused because I thought contractions at 3-5 minutes apart meant active labor but I was only 1 cm dilated (she said I was 100% effaced, though, woohoo!). She said active labor doesn’t go by timing of contractions but how far dilated you are (something I didn’t learn in childbirth class). So she told me to go home to labor for a while. I was to call the office when the contractions got to the point that I could no longer talk through them then they would either send me to the hospital or have me come back in.
By 12:30 p.m. contractions were 2-3 minutes apart and painful to the point I was crying a little and doing my deep breathing through them. During early labor I tried to walk around the living room a lot and sit on my ball with DH rubbing my lower back (I found this to be the best position for me…pregnant girls, make sure you have a ball before you go into labor!) and laid on my side for a while with a heat pack on my lower back and between my legs (dr. said this was ok). At almost 2 p.m. DH and my mom were telling me I need to call the dr. again. I was worried that maybe I didn’t progress yet so was putting it off, but then DH was worried if I waited too late we’d be stuck in New Haven traffic trying to get to the hospital. So I called at 2 p.m. and they told me to come on in to the office again. Driving to the office I remember saying to DH how weird contractions are…to be in so much pain and then fine and then so much pain and then fine. Anyway, we got to the office and I could tell it was a busy day. I think I scared the crowded waiting room of preggo ladies and random people a little by waddling in there panting. One good thing about being in labor at the doctor office is you don’t have to wait! They took me right back and the dr. immediately came in to check my cervix. I was in a lot of pain at this point so was very glad to not have to stop and talk to anyone. This time I was 3 cm dilated and the dr. told me it was time to go to the hospital, woohoo!!
Once I got to the hospital I was glad the doctor called me into the office first because it meant I didn’t need to go to triage at all. I got to go right to my room, which was ready and waiting for me. And lucky because it was a full house…they told me in childbirth class that November is the hospital’s busiest month, and this seemed to be one of their busiest days. I heard someone make a comment as I was wheeled in the chair that they were running out of rooms.
I was so excited to get to the hospital. I had already been to labor and delivery three times during the pregnancy to be monitored for bleeding episodes and every time we’d see couples either checking in, with the mom in labor, or checking out , looking so happy with their baby and I cried every time asking DH, “why can’t that be us?” He always assured me it would be us one day soon, and here it was, finally my turn!
My delivery room was really nice…just remodeled and very modern with hardwood floors, nice modern furniture, lights on a dimmer, my own shower/bathroom and any birthing accessories I wanted to use. I was mid-contraction when my nurse, Leslie, came in to meet me. She asked what I had in mind for pain relief and I said I was likely going to want an epidural but I planned to labor naturally for a while and wanted to try to walk and use the birthing ball. She said I could get the epi whenever I want and I could walk, etc. after they got my initial fetal tracing done. Once I got in the bed, though, I never got up again. All of a sudden it seemed to hurt even worse, I think a combination of the contractions getting worse and laying on my back, which seemed much more painful than being up and moving about.
One thing I had not anticipated…I got to the hospital and it turned out I had both a doctor and a midwife I had never met!!! During my pregnancy I cycled through all the doctors at the practice to ensure I had met everyone, but when I went to schedule an appt. with this doctor the receptionist (who seemed new and not on top of things, yet) told me she didn’t think this particular dr. delivered babies. I thought that was strange, but didn’t have a reason to question it so just said if he doesn’t deliver, there is no point in me meeting him. Guess she was wrong! Turns out he is one of the head doctors and told me that he’s at the hospital more than anyone else. I mentioned what the receptionist said to one of the nurses at the hospital and she said the dr. may be about to announce his retirement soon, but it’s not happening yet so the receptionist may have let the cat out of the bag. The midwife, Joanie, I’ve talked to on the phone before, but with all of my pregnancy complications I had always requested to see a dr. after meeting most of the midwives. She was the only one I hadn’t met! I do remember thinking she was nice on the phone, though. There was one midwife I couldn’t stand so I was happy I didn’t have her. I just couldn’t believe I was so picky about choosing my practice and was about to deliver with two people who I’ve never seen before! Luckily, I really liked them both and quickly realized I was in good hands (this also according to my nurse, who I LOVED, but was very mean to for a little while…more on that in a sec).
Also, one more surprise, I mentioned to my nurse, Leslie, how I’d never met the doctor and she said, “well, you won’t be seeing too much of him, anyway, it’s mostly the midwife here and he just checks in once in a while.” I said, “yes, but he delivers the baby, right?” Um, she said, no! The midwives deliver babies…the doctor is not even there unless there is a problem. I did NOT know that, either. When I went to interview the practice they said I would get both a midwife and doctor and the doctor said “midwives can do most things, but they can’t do everything” and I guess I just assumed that meant that the doctor would be there to deliver the baby. Ok, so at this point I didn’t have too much of a choice, but requested that the doctor be there for my delivery and they said they would try to accommodate me.
This is where the timing all gets a little fuzzy. I was laboring in my room from about 3:30 p.m. to 11:30 p.m. and while I remember the events, I was not paying too much attention to the clock….
So, I was on the fetal monitor waiting for my tracing to be done and for the midwife and doctor to come in and check on me (and not to mention meet me for the first time!). My midwife, Joanie, finally came in the room and said I was 3, almost 4 cm dilated. I’m not quite sure what time it was, but think I’d been at the hospital at least an hour or so. Contractions were steady at 2-3 minutes apart lasting 1 minute each. It started to feel like agony and I began asking about pain meds (I feel like a wuss for asking so early, but the pain was so intense). A little while later the doctor came in the room and talked with me for a bit, but it’s very fuzzy because I started to be in so much pain I couldn’t concentrate and said I wanted the epidural. They were going to get it for me, but said it could take a while for the anesthesiologist team to come down (I think they may have been with another patient) and then would take 20-30 minutes for the pain relief to kick in. I remembered from my birthing class that there was another drug you could get before the epidural so I asked about that…I had not been planning on it, but really didn’t think I could wait! The drug was Nubain (if I’m remembering the name correctly) and the dr. and midwife said it wouldn’t take the pain away but would make the contractions seem less frequent and just take the edge off a little. Everyone agreed that was a good option. The midwife said she’d rather see me wait on the epidural because I wasn’t quite 4 cm, yet.
The Nubain did help for a little while. It took the edge off like they said and made me feel sleepy. I tried to close my eyes but each time I tried to sleep another contraction would come. I may have managed a few minutes sleep, but not sure. After another hour or so either the Nubain wore off and the contractions got worse and I started asking for the epidural again. The midwife came in and said I was still not quite 4 cm, but with my contractions the way they were and waiting that long it was reasonable to get the epi now.
And then I just waited for the anesthesiologist. And this is when I got mean. I wanted pain relief NOW. My nurse kept telling me the anesthesiologist was just down the hall and that it would be a few minutes. I tried to be patient but every time a contraction hit, which was every 1-2 minutes, I was like, “WHEN are they getting here?” And she kept telling me “in a few minutes.” But a few minutes seemed to be taking an hour (DH swears it was only 30 minutes or so, but I’m POSITIVE it was at least an hour). Eventually I started to yell at the nurse demanding that she get my midwife and that she go check on where the anesthesiologist was. She would say, “I know where they are…they’re on the way.” But I wouldn’t quit until she walked out of the room to look. I’m pretty sure she just walked to the door and back again to appease me, though.
It’s so weird because I remember being in an intense amount of pain, but I can’t really remember what it felt like now. I was moaning and groaning like the women you see on TV, and I never thought I’d be a moaner. At a couple points I told DH “I don’t think I can do this.” And he said, “yes, you can,” but I just kept repeating, “I can’t.” I even said “I want a c-section” at one point…be careful what you wish for. He was talking to me quietly and rubbing my arms and telling me to relax and I was trying to remember my breathing techniques from class. I couldn’t manage to count and DH kept stopping the counting so I just breathed deeply in and out, in and out. Through the worst contractions I asked DH to talk to me about the baby. We talked about how we would get to see his face and what he looked like and play with his feet and hold him. That got me through each time and was the one thing that really made me feel better. I kept thinking “I can do this for the baby.”
Finally the anesthesiologist came at about 7 pm. One thing I’d always been worried about was getting the epidural put in, but I wanted it so badly at the time I didn’t even think about it. It did take them 2 tries to get the right spot, but once it was in it was like heaven! I said to DH, “I don’t understand why everyone doesn’t do this.” I could still tell I was having contractions , but the pain was GONE! I could still feel my legs and move around in bed because I had a “walking” epidural (although they don’t actually let you get up and walk with one). This is where labor got kind of boring. I took a nap, DH went to get something to eat, we watched some TV and just talked. I got to know my nurse really well and then felt bad for yelling at her earlier. We talked about how we lived in NYC at the same time; she was at NYU while I was at FIT. We also talked about my fertility issues and how long it took to get to this point and she told me she originally was a nurse in reproductive endocrinology. It turned out that she used to work for my fertility doctor!! (My second dr. , who was the one I loved.) She looked through my chart and gave me a lot of info on fertility, none of which I really remember other than my inherited blood clotting disorders can cause issues with getting pregnant. No one had ever mentioned that to me before.
Meanwhile the midwife came in to check on me a few more times and kept saying the same thing every time, “3 almost 4 cms” and then she said, “oh now you’re 90% effaced” and I was like “huh?? I was 100% this morning…am I going backwards??” So I guess it must vary depending on who is checking (i.e. it’s based on their perception). I was wondering why it was taking so long, but they told me this part of labor to get to 4 cm takes the longest and it’s not uncommon for it to last 12-24 hours (24?!) with your first. I was also wondering why my contractions hit so hard and fast and frequent even though I was dilating so slowly. One thing I remembered that the doctor told me is a small placental abruption can make your contractions faster or more severe. So that may be one explanation, but I don’t really know. Maybe that’s just how my body acts in labor. I wasn’t textbook throughout the pregnancy so why should labor be any different?
The nurses and midwife were all joking about how all the shows on TV are edited to make it look really fast, but in reality it is really a slow and boring process. An hour or so later, the midwife broke my water while DH was out getting dinner. I thought about asking her to wait until he got back and kind of regret that I didn’t. I’m not sure why, it just felt like he was missing something. Once my water broke in a warm gush I felt like I was peeing on myself for the next several hours. It just kept on gushing and I kept asking for my sheets to be changed. Such a weird feeling!
After some more hours I started to notice that something wasn’t sounding right. Because of my pregnancy complications I got weekly non-stress tests from about 30 weeks on. So I knew exactly what my baby’s heartbeat should sound like…how it gently would speed up and slow down with his movement. But this was slowing down too much. I kept asking DH to look at the monitor (I couldn’t see it from where I was laying) and the heartrate was always around 150 or so, where it should be, so I thought I was imagining things, although at one point it was at 80. A little while later the nurse and midwife came in and said that they were watching from the nurse’s station and the baby was having some decelerations in his heartrate. They said not to worry and that they were keeping an eye on us and his heart always went back up which meant he was recovering (I think that’s the word they used or rebounding…something like that) so they were not overly concerned. They just kept turning me from side to side to see which position the baby liked best.
I started to notice I was feeling an intense pressure between my legs and in my bum. I called the nurse because I thought it meant I may be finally progressing further. It also started to hurt more so she called the anesthesiologist back in and the midwife. They said I was contracting really hard. They were all kind of marveling at them. Contractions were 1 minute apart lasting 1 minute each. Which basically means I was having one long continuous contraction. I’m so thankful I had the epidural at that point because I can’t even imagine what that pain would’ve been. Around this time there was a shift change, which must mean it was 11 p.m. and my second nurse came in and said she thought for sure I was on Pitocin and was coming in to turn the dosage down! And the other nurse was like, “that’s not Pitocin, that’s all her….” They told me they don’t usually see such strong contractions without medication. Like I said earlier, one thing my doctor had told me is that a small abruption can cause more frequent contractions, so I wondered if that’s what happened with me. I did have regular contractions from week 32 on and they went right to 5 and then 2-3 minutes apart within an hour or two of starting labor.
Part II – C-section
At this point there started to be more commotion…more people coming to check on me. The midwife came in and checked my cervix and I was still “3 not quite 4 cm”! But she said the baby’s head had moved down very low. I had a moment of panic when she said, “I don’t know why that is happening.” Because I was having such strong contractions and the head was moving down it didn’t make sense I wasn’t dilating further. When she left the room I asked the nurse for the doctor to come check me. I wanted his opinion on what was going on and I’m glad I did. He came in and checked me and said I was now 6 cm and the baby’s head was moving down fast. Usually once you get to 4 cm they said it takes about an hour per cm and I went from “not quite 4” to 6 cm in less than 10 minutes!! Things happened very quickly after this because as the baby was moving down his heart decelerations were getting worse. They told me the cord must be compressed somewhere and kept trying to turn me in different positions, but it wasn’t getting any better. On my back or my left side seemed to be the best, but the decels kept happening. They also said I had a low grade fever and when the baby’s heartrate wasn’t dropping it was abnormally high. The doctor said these two things may mean I had developed an infection in my uterus.
They kept waiting and turning and watching the monitor. I’m surprised how calm it felt. I said to DH “I’m getting a little scared,” but I did feel like everything was going to be ok. I knew something was going on, though, when new people I hadn’t met started pouring into my room. I heard them call the anesthesiologist back in. The doctor came over to my bed and said they thought I had a slight infection and the baby was moving down really fast and delivery would happen quickly now, but that he wasn’t tolerating the contractions well. He said he didn’t know how long it was going to go on like that and was recommending a c-section. DH and I were very calm and just said, “ok,” and they started to prepare us, giving DH his outfit to wear and instructions. I joked with DH to put the scrubs on over his clothes because in our childbirth class the teacher mentioned how some husbands mistakenly stripped first and you can see through the scrubs. Looking back, I can’t believe I was calm enough to joke. DH kissed me and said I’ll see you in there.
They wheeled me into the OR and I did get a little scared at that point. It was so bright and so many people around and I realized I was about to have surgery awake. I was worried I wouldn’t be numb enough and would feel them cutting. I mentioned it to the anesthesiologist, who was awesome and stayed right by my head and talked me through the whole thing. I remember they put a cold cotton ball on my face and then my chest and said “can you tell the difference in the temperature?” It did not feel cold on my chest. Then he said, “they just poked you with a sharp object and you didn’t feel it at all, see?” That sounds scary, but it strangely made me feel better. One thing I didn’t like is that the medication made me feel very cold and shake uncontrollably. Actually, looking back I think they said I may have been shaking from labor because I had it throughout the labor, as well. Plus, I had a fever so I don’t know if that contributed. They kept turning up the heat for me, but all the doctors and nurses kept saying how hot it was in there. I was freezing! I shook through the whole thing and for several hours after.
Once I was all set up and the curtain was up DH came into the room to sit by my head. I could hear the doctors asking for various instruments and did NOT want to hear things like “scalpel” so asked DH to talk to me so I wouldn’t listen. We then talked all about our honeymoon. It crossed my mind that I had gotten a message from Soph recently that a c-section didn’t mean you couldn’t have a beautiful experience, so I wanted it to be beautiful, and I think it was. We reminisced about everything from our honeymoon…all the places we went in Mexico and the different restaurants and how the maître d made fun of our last name and everything we did each day and how DH went kayaking in the ocean with the oil from our couples massage still on him saying “I want to get a little color” and how I spent the whole night rubbing aloe on his sunburn after.
I felt like I was in another world and that it was just me and DH in the room. All of a sudden at 11:47 pm I heard, “Here we go…look up! Look up!” And we looked up at the curtain and there was our little boy!!!! I have tears in my eyes remembering how they held him up and my first thought was “he has so much hair!” I remember exactly the way his little body was angled to the side and how he wiggled and how his dark hair look matted with curls. My next thought was, “that’s our baby crying!” I looked at DH quickly and his eyes were so wide watching the baby and tears were streaming down his face and I realized I was crying, too, and just kept saying over and over “that’s our baby crying! Oh my god, I hear him! He’s crying!”
One thing I really wanted (it was actually only one of 3 things on my birthplan) was to have skin to skin contact. When I went to my childbirth class I learned that my hospital will still do skin to skin with a c-section so I requested this from the doctor and they couldn’t do it. I’m not sure if it’s because it was an emergency, but they had the pediatrics team check the baby first and then handed him to DH in a little bundle.
DH sat by my side holding the baby for the rest of the surgery, which I think was another 30-40 minutes (I know the whole thing lasted over an hour, but am not positive of the timing of the first part). I just stared and stared at the baby’s face and at DH and watched the tears running down to his surgical mask. I will carry that image in my heart forever. I have to because they wouldn’t let us have a camera in the OR (again not sure if it’s because it was an emergency section). But I don’t even need a picture because I know that I’ll never forget it.
DH looked at the baby and said “Are you Bradley?” And that sealed it…that was his name. I asked DH if his middle name can be Joseph. I said “I really would like to name him after you,” feeling so, so, so much love in my heart for DH and he said yes. So that is how Bradley Joseph came into the world.
Part III – Recovery
After this, one of the other best moments was when the doctor walked over to me after the surgery and said, “Congratulations, you have a healthy son!” I was so amazed and beside myself happy to hear that after months and months of worrying from having surgery when pregnant (another story) and through months of bleeding and bed rest. The dr. explained that the cord was wrapped around the baby’s neck three times, that there may be a small infection in my uterus, and that the baby wasn’t tolerating contractions because of the cord compression. He said I *might* have been ok delivering vaginally, but he didn’t know how long the baby could go on like that and the csection was the safest option. I am slightly sad that I didn’t get to experience pushing him out, especially after 19 hours of labor, but ultimately am just so unbelievably thankful to have my healthy boy and would take another c-section in a heartbeat to have the outcome that we had.
Once I was wheeled into recovery I got to hold my baby for the first time and we did skin to skin. I then tried breastfeeding and my smart little guy latched right away (we had some struggles since then with feeding but have been working on it). I remember in the OR everyone kept saying “oh, what a big boy!” so I kept asking how big he was, but they said they wouldn’t weigh him until he got up to the nursery for his bath, etc.
I held him the whole time I was in recovery, still shaking like crazy and in a daze surrounded by DH and so much love finally holding my baby in my arms.
An hour or so later they finally said I could go up to my room. It was now 4 a.m., almost 24 hours after starting labor. They took the baby to the nursery for his bath so DH went with him and took pictures. Here is my baby boy finally getting weighed. He was a big boy! This is how his hair looked when he was delivered, all dark and curly, although it’s straight when it’s dry and just curls a little on the ends now.
My 9 lb .05 oz bundle of perfectness and love.
Part IV – Hospital Stay
To be continued…
40 weeks and 4 days pregnant: I woke up Wednesday, 11/16 at about 5 a.m. vaguely aware of some cramps in my stomach. It felt like AF was coming, which is exactly what I felt like the Saturday earlier. I also had a bloody show on Saturday and thought I was going into labor but it didn’t turn into anything the following day, so didn’t think much of it now, although the cramping was a little more severe this time and I silently said a prayer that it meant the baby was coming. Instead of waking up DH, I put on my headphones and did my childbirth meditation and tried to visualize the baby moving his way down. At about 6:15 a.m. I got out of bed to go to the bathroom and saw a lot of blood…more than spotting. It looked just like my period. Since I’ve had bleeding issues throughout the pregnancy that they thought may have been from a small placental abruption I got scared and woke up DH to tell him I was calling the doctor. I realized my pains were getting a little progressively worse. Because I had endometriosis I have very strong AF cramps that make me housebound, and this felt like my worst AF cramps. When the midwife called back at 6:30 I said I was having pain and bleeding. It was mostly in my lower back and the cramps were coming and going. I said it felt like maybe contractions, but I wasn’t sure, yet. She said it sounded like I was in early labor and should notice a pattern to the pains soon. She told me to eat some light breakfast, take a shower, and go into the office at 8:30 a.m. to get checked.
I’m surprised how fast contractions progressed after that. By 7 a.m. they were regular and more intense each time and had a definite beginning and ending (although my back continued to hurt) and I was sure they were contractions and that I was going into labor. Meanwhile, Charlie, my dog, had been acting like he was in pain again (he had 2 spinal surgeries over the summer) so we called the vet to let them know Charlie was in pain and I was in labor and they said to have someone drop him off at 7:45 and they would check him out and call me so I didn’t have to worry. We had been planning on having him stay at the vet, anyway, since he was still recovering from his last surgery. At 7:30 DH’s boss and his wife came to pick Charlie up to take him to the vet (so nice of them). I was having a hard time getting excited about the labor even though I waited so long for it because all I could think about was how worried I was about my dog. (Although apparently, once he got to the vet he bounced in the door like nothing was wrong and has been acting fine ever since…sympathy pains for me, maybe).
By 7:30/8 a.m. before my appointment my contractions were 5 minutes apart and lasting 50+ seconds. At the doctor they put me on the fetal monitor to check. By 9 a.m. at my doctor’s office they were 3 minutes apart on the fetal monitor and more painful. The doctor confirmed I was definitely in labor, but it was early. I was confused because I thought contractions at 3-5 minutes apart meant active labor but I was only 1 cm dilated (she said I was 100% effaced, though, woohoo!). She said active labor doesn’t go by timing of contractions but how far dilated you are (something I didn’t learn in childbirth class). So she told me to go home to labor for a while. I was to call the office when the contractions got to the point that I could no longer talk through them then they would either send me to the hospital or have me come back in.
By 12:30 p.m. contractions were 2-3 minutes apart and painful to the point I was crying a little and doing my deep breathing through them. During early labor I tried to walk around the living room a lot and sit on my ball with DH rubbing my lower back (I found this to be the best position for me…pregnant girls, make sure you have a ball before you go into labor!) and laid on my side for a while with a heat pack on my lower back and between my legs (dr. said this was ok). At almost 2 p.m. DH and my mom were telling me I need to call the dr. again. I was worried that maybe I didn’t progress yet so was putting it off, but then DH was worried if I waited too late we’d be stuck in New Haven traffic trying to get to the hospital. So I called at 2 p.m. and they told me to come on in to the office again. Driving to the office I remember saying to DH how weird contractions are…to be in so much pain and then fine and then so much pain and then fine. Anyway, we got to the office and I could tell it was a busy day. I think I scared the crowded waiting room of preggo ladies and random people a little by waddling in there panting. One good thing about being in labor at the doctor office is you don’t have to wait! They took me right back and the dr. immediately came in to check my cervix. I was in a lot of pain at this point so was very glad to not have to stop and talk to anyone. This time I was 3 cm dilated and the dr. told me it was time to go to the hospital, woohoo!!
Once I got to the hospital I was glad the doctor called me into the office first because it meant I didn’t need to go to triage at all. I got to go right to my room, which was ready and waiting for me. And lucky because it was a full house…they told me in childbirth class that November is the hospital’s busiest month, and this seemed to be one of their busiest days. I heard someone make a comment as I was wheeled in the chair that they were running out of rooms.
I was so excited to get to the hospital. I had already been to labor and delivery three times during the pregnancy to be monitored for bleeding episodes and every time we’d see couples either checking in, with the mom in labor, or checking out , looking so happy with their baby and I cried every time asking DH, “why can’t that be us?” He always assured me it would be us one day soon, and here it was, finally my turn!
My delivery room was really nice…just remodeled and very modern with hardwood floors, nice modern furniture, lights on a dimmer, my own shower/bathroom and any birthing accessories I wanted to use. I was mid-contraction when my nurse, Leslie, came in to meet me. She asked what I had in mind for pain relief and I said I was likely going to want an epidural but I planned to labor naturally for a while and wanted to try to walk and use the birthing ball. She said I could get the epi whenever I want and I could walk, etc. after they got my initial fetal tracing done. Once I got in the bed, though, I never got up again. All of a sudden it seemed to hurt even worse, I think a combination of the contractions getting worse and laying on my back, which seemed much more painful than being up and moving about.
One thing I had not anticipated…I got to the hospital and it turned out I had both a doctor and a midwife I had never met!!! During my pregnancy I cycled through all the doctors at the practice to ensure I had met everyone, but when I went to schedule an appt. with this doctor the receptionist (who seemed new and not on top of things, yet) told me she didn’t think this particular dr. delivered babies. I thought that was strange, but didn’t have a reason to question it so just said if he doesn’t deliver, there is no point in me meeting him. Guess she was wrong! Turns out he is one of the head doctors and told me that he’s at the hospital more than anyone else. I mentioned what the receptionist said to one of the nurses at the hospital and she said the dr. may be about to announce his retirement soon, but it’s not happening yet so the receptionist may have let the cat out of the bag. The midwife, Joanie, I’ve talked to on the phone before, but with all of my pregnancy complications I had always requested to see a dr. after meeting most of the midwives. She was the only one I hadn’t met! I do remember thinking she was nice on the phone, though. There was one midwife I couldn’t stand so I was happy I didn’t have her. I just couldn’t believe I was so picky about choosing my practice and was about to deliver with two people who I’ve never seen before! Luckily, I really liked them both and quickly realized I was in good hands (this also according to my nurse, who I LOVED, but was very mean to for a little while…more on that in a sec).
Also, one more surprise, I mentioned to my nurse, Leslie, how I’d never met the doctor and she said, “well, you won’t be seeing too much of him, anyway, it’s mostly the midwife here and he just checks in once in a while.” I said, “yes, but he delivers the baby, right?” Um, she said, no! The midwives deliver babies…the doctor is not even there unless there is a problem. I did NOT know that, either. When I went to interview the practice they said I would get both a midwife and doctor and the doctor said “midwives can do most things, but they can’t do everything” and I guess I just assumed that meant that the doctor would be there to deliver the baby. Ok, so at this point I didn’t have too much of a choice, but requested that the doctor be there for my delivery and they said they would try to accommodate me.
This is where the timing all gets a little fuzzy. I was laboring in my room from about 3:30 p.m. to 11:30 p.m. and while I remember the events, I was not paying too much attention to the clock….
So, I was on the fetal monitor waiting for my tracing to be done and for the midwife and doctor to come in and check on me (and not to mention meet me for the first time!). My midwife, Joanie, finally came in the room and said I was 3, almost 4 cm dilated. I’m not quite sure what time it was, but think I’d been at the hospital at least an hour or so. Contractions were steady at 2-3 minutes apart lasting 1 minute each. It started to feel like agony and I began asking about pain meds (I feel like a wuss for asking so early, but the pain was so intense). A little while later the doctor came in the room and talked with me for a bit, but it’s very fuzzy because I started to be in so much pain I couldn’t concentrate and said I wanted the epidural. They were going to get it for me, but said it could take a while for the anesthesiologist team to come down (I think they may have been with another patient) and then would take 20-30 minutes for the pain relief to kick in. I remembered from my birthing class that there was another drug you could get before the epidural so I asked about that…I had not been planning on it, but really didn’t think I could wait! The drug was Nubain (if I’m remembering the name correctly) and the dr. and midwife said it wouldn’t take the pain away but would make the contractions seem less frequent and just take the edge off a little. Everyone agreed that was a good option. The midwife said she’d rather see me wait on the epidural because I wasn’t quite 4 cm, yet.
The Nubain did help for a little while. It took the edge off like they said and made me feel sleepy. I tried to close my eyes but each time I tried to sleep another contraction would come. I may have managed a few minutes sleep, but not sure. After another hour or so either the Nubain wore off and the contractions got worse and I started asking for the epidural again. The midwife came in and said I was still not quite 4 cm, but with my contractions the way they were and waiting that long it was reasonable to get the epi now.
And then I just waited for the anesthesiologist. And this is when I got mean. I wanted pain relief NOW. My nurse kept telling me the anesthesiologist was just down the hall and that it would be a few minutes. I tried to be patient but every time a contraction hit, which was every 1-2 minutes, I was like, “WHEN are they getting here?” And she kept telling me “in a few minutes.” But a few minutes seemed to be taking an hour (DH swears it was only 30 minutes or so, but I’m POSITIVE it was at least an hour). Eventually I started to yell at the nurse demanding that she get my midwife and that she go check on where the anesthesiologist was. She would say, “I know where they are…they’re on the way.” But I wouldn’t quit until she walked out of the room to look. I’m pretty sure she just walked to the door and back again to appease me, though.
It’s so weird because I remember being in an intense amount of pain, but I can’t really remember what it felt like now. I was moaning and groaning like the women you see on TV, and I never thought I’d be a moaner. At a couple points I told DH “I don’t think I can do this.” And he said, “yes, you can,” but I just kept repeating, “I can’t.” I even said “I want a c-section” at one point…be careful what you wish for. He was talking to me quietly and rubbing my arms and telling me to relax and I was trying to remember my breathing techniques from class. I couldn’t manage to count and DH kept stopping the counting so I just breathed deeply in and out, in and out. Through the worst contractions I asked DH to talk to me about the baby. We talked about how we would get to see his face and what he looked like and play with his feet and hold him. That got me through each time and was the one thing that really made me feel better. I kept thinking “I can do this for the baby.”
Finally the anesthesiologist came at about 7 pm. One thing I’d always been worried about was getting the epidural put in, but I wanted it so badly at the time I didn’t even think about it. It did take them 2 tries to get the right spot, but once it was in it was like heaven! I said to DH, “I don’t understand why everyone doesn’t do this.” I could still tell I was having contractions , but the pain was GONE! I could still feel my legs and move around in bed because I had a “walking” epidural (although they don’t actually let you get up and walk with one). This is where labor got kind of boring. I took a nap, DH went to get something to eat, we watched some TV and just talked. I got to know my nurse really well and then felt bad for yelling at her earlier. We talked about how we lived in NYC at the same time; she was at NYU while I was at FIT. We also talked about my fertility issues and how long it took to get to this point and she told me she originally was a nurse in reproductive endocrinology. It turned out that she used to work for my fertility doctor!! (My second dr. , who was the one I loved.) She looked through my chart and gave me a lot of info on fertility, none of which I really remember other than my inherited blood clotting disorders can cause issues with getting pregnant. No one had ever mentioned that to me before.
Meanwhile the midwife came in to check on me a few more times and kept saying the same thing every time, “3 almost 4 cms” and then she said, “oh now you’re 90% effaced” and I was like “huh?? I was 100% this morning…am I going backwards??” So I guess it must vary depending on who is checking (i.e. it’s based on their perception). I was wondering why it was taking so long, but they told me this part of labor to get to 4 cm takes the longest and it’s not uncommon for it to last 12-24 hours (24?!) with your first. I was also wondering why my contractions hit so hard and fast and frequent even though I was dilating so slowly. One thing I remembered that the doctor told me is a small placental abruption can make your contractions faster or more severe. So that may be one explanation, but I don’t really know. Maybe that’s just how my body acts in labor. I wasn’t textbook throughout the pregnancy so why should labor be any different?
The nurses and midwife were all joking about how all the shows on TV are edited to make it look really fast, but in reality it is really a slow and boring process. An hour or so later, the midwife broke my water while DH was out getting dinner. I thought about asking her to wait until he got back and kind of regret that I didn’t. I’m not sure why, it just felt like he was missing something. Once my water broke in a warm gush I felt like I was peeing on myself for the next several hours. It just kept on gushing and I kept asking for my sheets to be changed. Such a weird feeling!
After some more hours I started to notice that something wasn’t sounding right. Because of my pregnancy complications I got weekly non-stress tests from about 30 weeks on. So I knew exactly what my baby’s heartbeat should sound like…how it gently would speed up and slow down with his movement. But this was slowing down too much. I kept asking DH to look at the monitor (I couldn’t see it from where I was laying) and the heartrate was always around 150 or so, where it should be, so I thought I was imagining things, although at one point it was at 80. A little while later the nurse and midwife came in and said that they were watching from the nurse’s station and the baby was having some decelerations in his heartrate. They said not to worry and that they were keeping an eye on us and his heart always went back up which meant he was recovering (I think that’s the word they used or rebounding…something like that) so they were not overly concerned. They just kept turning me from side to side to see which position the baby liked best.
I started to notice I was feeling an intense pressure between my legs and in my bum. I called the nurse because I thought it meant I may be finally progressing further. It also started to hurt more so she called the anesthesiologist back in and the midwife. They said I was contracting really hard. They were all kind of marveling at them. Contractions were 1 minute apart lasting 1 minute each. Which basically means I was having one long continuous contraction. I’m so thankful I had the epidural at that point because I can’t even imagine what that pain would’ve been. Around this time there was a shift change, which must mean it was 11 p.m. and my second nurse came in and said she thought for sure I was on Pitocin and was coming in to turn the dosage down! And the other nurse was like, “that’s not Pitocin, that’s all her….” They told me they don’t usually see such strong contractions without medication. Like I said earlier, one thing my doctor had told me is that a small abruption can cause more frequent contractions, so I wondered if that’s what happened with me. I did have regular contractions from week 32 on and they went right to 5 and then 2-3 minutes apart within an hour or two of starting labor.
Part II – C-section
At this point there started to be more commotion…more people coming to check on me. The midwife came in and checked my cervix and I was still “3 not quite 4 cm”! But she said the baby’s head had moved down very low. I had a moment of panic when she said, “I don’t know why that is happening.” Because I was having such strong contractions and the head was moving down it didn’t make sense I wasn’t dilating further. When she left the room I asked the nurse for the doctor to come check me. I wanted his opinion on what was going on and I’m glad I did. He came in and checked me and said I was now 6 cm and the baby’s head was moving down fast. Usually once you get to 4 cm they said it takes about an hour per cm and I went from “not quite 4” to 6 cm in less than 10 minutes!! Things happened very quickly after this because as the baby was moving down his heart decelerations were getting worse. They told me the cord must be compressed somewhere and kept trying to turn me in different positions, but it wasn’t getting any better. On my back or my left side seemed to be the best, but the decels kept happening. They also said I had a low grade fever and when the baby’s heartrate wasn’t dropping it was abnormally high. The doctor said these two things may mean I had developed an infection in my uterus.
They kept waiting and turning and watching the monitor. I’m surprised how calm it felt. I said to DH “I’m getting a little scared,” but I did feel like everything was going to be ok. I knew something was going on, though, when new people I hadn’t met started pouring into my room. I heard them call the anesthesiologist back in. The doctor came over to my bed and said they thought I had a slight infection and the baby was moving down really fast and delivery would happen quickly now, but that he wasn’t tolerating the contractions well. He said he didn’t know how long it was going to go on like that and was recommending a c-section. DH and I were very calm and just said, “ok,” and they started to prepare us, giving DH his outfit to wear and instructions. I joked with DH to put the scrubs on over his clothes because in our childbirth class the teacher mentioned how some husbands mistakenly stripped first and you can see through the scrubs. Looking back, I can’t believe I was calm enough to joke. DH kissed me and said I’ll see you in there.
They wheeled me into the OR and I did get a little scared at that point. It was so bright and so many people around and I realized I was about to have surgery awake. I was worried I wouldn’t be numb enough and would feel them cutting. I mentioned it to the anesthesiologist, who was awesome and stayed right by my head and talked me through the whole thing. I remember they put a cold cotton ball on my face and then my chest and said “can you tell the difference in the temperature?” It did not feel cold on my chest. Then he said, “they just poked you with a sharp object and you didn’t feel it at all, see?” That sounds scary, but it strangely made me feel better. One thing I didn’t like is that the medication made me feel very cold and shake uncontrollably. Actually, looking back I think they said I may have been shaking from labor because I had it throughout the labor, as well. Plus, I had a fever so I don’t know if that contributed. They kept turning up the heat for me, but all the doctors and nurses kept saying how hot it was in there. I was freezing! I shook through the whole thing and for several hours after.
Once I was all set up and the curtain was up DH came into the room to sit by my head. I could hear the doctors asking for various instruments and did NOT want to hear things like “scalpel” so asked DH to talk to me so I wouldn’t listen. We then talked all about our honeymoon. It crossed my mind that I had gotten a message from Soph recently that a c-section didn’t mean you couldn’t have a beautiful experience, so I wanted it to be beautiful, and I think it was. We reminisced about everything from our honeymoon…all the places we went in Mexico and the different restaurants and how the maître d made fun of our last name and everything we did each day and how DH went kayaking in the ocean with the oil from our couples massage still on him saying “I want to get a little color” and how I spent the whole night rubbing aloe on his sunburn after.
I felt like I was in another world and that it was just me and DH in the room. All of a sudden at 11:47 pm I heard, “Here we go…look up! Look up!” And we looked up at the curtain and there was our little boy!!!! I have tears in my eyes remembering how they held him up and my first thought was “he has so much hair!” I remember exactly the way his little body was angled to the side and how he wiggled and how his dark hair look matted with curls. My next thought was, “that’s our baby crying!” I looked at DH quickly and his eyes were so wide watching the baby and tears were streaming down his face and I realized I was crying, too, and just kept saying over and over “that’s our baby crying! Oh my god, I hear him! He’s crying!”
One thing I really wanted (it was actually only one of 3 things on my birthplan) was to have skin to skin contact. When I went to my childbirth class I learned that my hospital will still do skin to skin with a c-section so I requested this from the doctor and they couldn’t do it. I’m not sure if it’s because it was an emergency, but they had the pediatrics team check the baby first and then handed him to DH in a little bundle.
DH sat by my side holding the baby for the rest of the surgery, which I think was another 30-40 minutes (I know the whole thing lasted over an hour, but am not positive of the timing of the first part). I just stared and stared at the baby’s face and at DH and watched the tears running down to his surgical mask. I will carry that image in my heart forever. I have to because they wouldn’t let us have a camera in the OR (again not sure if it’s because it was an emergency section). But I don’t even need a picture because I know that I’ll never forget it.
DH looked at the baby and said “Are you Bradley?” And that sealed it…that was his name. I asked DH if his middle name can be Joseph. I said “I really would like to name him after you,” feeling so, so, so much love in my heart for DH and he said yes. So that is how Bradley Joseph came into the world.
Part III – Recovery
After this, one of the other best moments was when the doctor walked over to me after the surgery and said, “Congratulations, you have a healthy son!” I was so amazed and beside myself happy to hear that after months and months of worrying from having surgery when pregnant (another story) and through months of bleeding and bed rest. The dr. explained that the cord was wrapped around the baby’s neck three times, that there may be a small infection in my uterus, and that the baby wasn’t tolerating contractions because of the cord compression. He said I *might* have been ok delivering vaginally, but he didn’t know how long the baby could go on like that and the csection was the safest option. I am slightly sad that I didn’t get to experience pushing him out, especially after 19 hours of labor, but ultimately am just so unbelievably thankful to have my healthy boy and would take another c-section in a heartbeat to have the outcome that we had.
Once I was wheeled into recovery I got to hold my baby for the first time and we did skin to skin. I then tried breastfeeding and my smart little guy latched right away (we had some struggles since then with feeding but have been working on it). I remember in the OR everyone kept saying “oh, what a big boy!” so I kept asking how big he was, but they said they wouldn’t weigh him until he got up to the nursery for his bath, etc.
I held him the whole time I was in recovery, still shaking like crazy and in a daze surrounded by DH and so much love finally holding my baby in my arms.
An hour or so later they finally said I could go up to my room. It was now 4 a.m., almost 24 hours after starting labor. They took the baby to the nursery for his bath so DH went with him and took pictures. Here is my baby boy finally getting weighed. He was a big boy! This is how his hair looked when he was delivered, all dark and curly, although it’s straight when it’s dry and just curls a little on the ends now.
My 9 lb .05 oz bundle of perfectness and love.
Part IV – Hospital Stay
To be continued…
You did a great job getting all the details of your birth story written down. I really enjoyed your story. Bradley is beautiful. I'd love to see more pictures when you get a chance.
