Name dilema.. **UPDATE** PG1

[WhiteGeisha]

So FOB has not had much to do with this pregnancy from day 1 and in fact has just spent the whole time either ignoring me or just being plain vile.

He text me yesterday saying he wanted to take me for lunch to talk this sunday coming - we haven't spoken for 2 months. He hasn't provided one thing and I have provided everything for our little girl.

As we got talking through text, I told him we were having a girl. I also told him that I still have the name choice he originally said no to as my first choice.

I always said we would name our baby together, but as he has not been on the scene I have kinda got used to the name and even refer to her as it.

I know potentially this "talk" could end up with us not speaking again as he tends to throw a tantrum if he doesn't get his own way so I am not holding out much hope for this to be the turnaround in his attitude and behaviour...

My question is, say that he really mean it this time and pulls his finger out...do you think I can go back on my word that we would name our baby together given the way he has treated me (and his LO) for the past 6 months?

He won't be here for the birth as his job will see him in Agfhan from September so he will not even be here to contest my name choice.....

Will it cause more trouble than its worth? I don't want to make our lives harder but does he really deserve a say after the way he's behaved?




**UPDATE**

Well ladies, I was MEANT to be meeting up with him today - key word being MEANT!

First weekend he's back in 2 months and guess what - he chose his mates over his daughter - AGAIN!

He text me in the week asking to go for lunch this weekend when he was home. I asked him when he was back and he said Sunday morning so just in time to meet you for lunch. When we were together he always came home on a Friday so I was a little suspicious of this.

Anyway turns out he LIED. He was back on Friday. He had planned to go out with his mates so once again was fitting me in around his social life. Everytime we have met (2 in 6 months) he has only seen me when his mates were busy and turned up with a hangover and having only a few hrs sleep the night before.

How could he lie to me and tell me he was serious this time and wanted to prove to me he can make this work so he can see his daughter but STILL continue to put his mates and social life before his daughter. 1 weekend in 6 months and he couldn't even see me around his mates. He's not brought her one thing yet!

I told him he will never change and my little girl deserves better from her dad and that if he can't see me for just a couple of hrs over his friends what's he going to do when he's in Afghan for 6 months and back for 1 weekend - see his daughter on a sunday with a stinking hangover having had 3 hrs sleep! Erm I think not sunshine!

Safe to say that was his 3rd and final chance at proving to me he can be a dad. I'm so mad I want to drive to his, punch him in the face and leave - obviously I won't but I just feel so full of hatred towards him.

Oh and when I confronted him he replied with "i just want to chill - i've had a hard month, catch up with my mates"...he's had a hard month? Well how about i've had a HARD 6 months, carrying his child around, throwing up for 18weeks, spending all my money on OUR daughter to the point I couldn't even afford a hair cut - but ladies, HE'S HAD A HARD MONTH! Jog on! Grrrrr

 

[gemabee]

well no offense but by the sounds of it, u can't even be sure he will be a permanant fixture in u or ur baby's life (nd thats not necessarily a negative thing).
so at the end of the day, ur the one who has loved nd known this baby for the last 6 months... nd will continue to do so for the rest of her life.
so don't u think u deserve the responsibility nd joy of givin her the name that u want her to have?
xxxx

 

[WhiteGeisha]

well no offense but by the sounds of it, u can't even be sure he will be a permanant fixture in u or ur baby's life (nd thats not necessarily a negative thing).
so at the end of the day, ur the one who has loved nd known this baby for the last 6 months... nd will continue to do so for the rest of her life.
so don't u think u deserve the responsibility nd joy of givin her the name that u want her to have?
xxxx

Oh i told him yesterday I have no faith or trust in him so don't exactly know how this time is going to be any different

I know there is a 3 months left until she NEEDS to be named but I call her this name now so for me it's kind of HER name.

He is never going to be around being in the army so it's not like he will be around often even if we do manage to sort stuff out this time. I don't hold out much hope but just wanted to see what people thought to me going back on my word after potentially working things out for LO. x

 

[LittleMadam]

Due to the way FOB has been, I don't believe you should give him much input regarding the name. Name your daughter what you want.

 

[suzanne108]

I think you should name her whatever YOU want - whether it be the name you've already chosen or a different one.

xxx

 

[sweetlullaby]

Agreed with the others. If you've your heart set on a name hun don't change it because he doesn't like it. Why should he get the fun side of parenting with all the important/not so fun stuff left out?

 

[teal]

I agree that you should name her what you want

 

[Aidedhoney]

Agree with the others hun xxx

 

[scottishgal89]

Name her what you want
he cant just waltz in and out when he feels like it and expect to have a say in things

 

[billy2mm]

call her whatever you want hun!

of he has a problem tell him he shouldnt have buggered off and hidden like a child for the past 6 months then he might haven gotten some input!

 

[purpledahlia]

yeah, name her whatever you want to!

FOB tried to tell me i should use his mums name as a middle name (!!) needless to say i didnt. Luckily he liked the name i chose anyway, but he doesnt like her middle name. I would of used it regardless tho. They have no right to throw their weight around. as long as you like the name.. all that matters!

 

[WhiteGeisha]

In relation to the update on Pg1 LO will be having the name I WANT her to have and daddy of the year will get NO say.

x

 

[scottishgal89]

well that says it all really.
im sorry he let you down again
but neither you or your lo need someone like that in your lives.
try not to be angry, hes not worth it and its his loss.
xx

 

[WhiteGeisha]

He had planned to go out with his mates so once again was fitting me in around his social life. Everytime we have met (2 in 6 months) he has only seen me when his mates were busy and turned up with a hangover and having only a few hrs sleep the night before.

True to form, he went out, got smashed, passed out, his MATURE friends shaved his hair and eyebrows off, stripped him and put a coat hanger up his bum and took photos......

See what my daughter would have to contend with on a Sunday afternoon after daddy's night out before!

 

[scottishgal89]

 

[crythreetears]

I am going through a similar situation, I've only heard from the FOB 2 times since I found out I was pregnant, I decided to name the baby what I wanted. I think you should too. I'm also giving the baby my last name.

 

[Welshcob]

Name her what you want. I wish I could say that I was shocked at the things he said, but I have heard those things myself. How selfish he is to say poor him, he needs a break!! Name your LO what you want and at the end of the day its one of the perks of being a single mummy!