Naughty boys at school

[caz_hills]

Hi ladies,

This is my first post here in the kids section as my son started reception class this week. He was four in July.

He has always been a 'follower' - I mean that in a way that he latches onto other kids and isn't a leader, he gets into what others do and copies them. That's fine.

He started at school and is already telling me that there is a naughty boy called X. He says he calls him 'boy' and is rude to him but wants to be friends with him. I suggested, as I've done before, that if someone isn't nice to him that he asks them to stop and walks away. He really says he wants to be friends with him. Should I leave things to develop naturally or encourage him not to be friends with him?

Sorry if this is a silly question. I don't want him getting into a bad crowd at a young age and being labeled naughty or it affecting his behavior as he is such a good boy (majority of the time, he is just a normally behaved boy!).

Thanks x

 

[KittyVentura]

My reply comes from a VERY different angle but Finlay is the kid that will be known as naughty. I know this and it's why I am working hard to educate people on his needs so that he isn't labelled as a bad kid. He has autism which manifests as violent meltdowns. He is oppositional and volatile and quite aggressive. He is also an amazing, loving and funny boy. So intelligent and from an extremely stable, loving, supportive, well educated home.

I wouldn't stop the friendship. I'm not going to assume that child has any additional needs but I can only see things from where we sit and Finlay struggles so much to make and keep friends because he doesn't understand social boundaries and tends to try and dominate the kids or lash out and push them away. He has so many things already working against him, it would break my heart if, after all those challenges that his disability lay at his feet, friendships met more hurdles because the parents encouraged their kids away.

Give the kid the benefit of the doubt and your child the chance to lead by beaming example. If it starts to have a very negative impact, I would intervene and maybe arrange a play date at your home to gauge and observe the child and see how things are and how you can help them have a positive friendship.

Xx

 

[caz_hills]

Thanks Kittyventure. Your post has really made me think. Thank you for posting. My husband said the same - we encourage him to be friends with everyone he makes his choices based on knowing what is right and wrong.

I appreciate you posting thank you x

 

[Bex84]

My daughter is a follower to. I encourage her to be friends with everyone but tell her if someone else does something wrong she should not copy. She knows you can be friends with those who sometimes make the wrong choice as long as you dont make wrong choice as well

 

[Lauraxamy]

I'd just let things happen naturally and leave it for now, especially since they're both so little. The 'naughty' kid could be acting that way for all sorts of reasons - maybe he's just desperate for a friend but doesn't know the right way of going about it?
Like Kitty said, if the friendship starts to have a negative affect on your son or how he behaves then I'd maybe become involved.

 

[RachA]

I agree with the others

 

[Quartz]

My daughter is very close to a boy at school who has additional needs which often manifest itself as violent outbursts (never at her). She not only has never copied the behaviour (she is a bit of a goody two shoes at school) but has been praised by the teachers for often helping him calm down and ensure he does not get into trouble.

She accepts him for who he is and is able to discuss with me how she feels. We did have a point at the start of term when (due to some family issues) his behaviour was spiralling a little (more violent outbursts) and she was babysitting him rather than being with her friends when I had to tell her he wasnt her responsibility and she should not worry so much about him but its back on an even keel.

KittyVentura the other parents are aware of his issues because the mum has been so open that he has been able to make friends and help them understand that its not his fault.

 

[KittyVentura]

That fills me with so much hope Quartz. Fin is in a crappy position of being aware of friendships and wanting friends but having no fudging idea how to make or keep friends as he just tries to dominate and control them. ��

 

[Jazzy-NICU]

My son made friends with a little boy who I would call typically "naughty" quite rough etc and my son even picked up a swear word from him. When they went up to reception they were put into different classes and secretly inside I was happy; until I saw how upset they were that they wouldn't be together. The other boys mum even messaged me and said what a shame it was they weren't together.
This little boy is the first friend my son had made completely by himself, no encouragement or forced play dates just similar interests and a typical boys will be boys attitude.
They get a lot of free play time to spend together at school and all I've tried to do is encourage good behaviour and hope it will rub off on his friend! X