Nearly-4-year-old won't play with other children

[susan_1981]

Hi

My son will be 4 in July and due to start primary school in September. A few months back, my son's nursery (that he has attended 5 mornings a week since September) raised a few concerns about his lack of interaction with the other children and the fact that he seems to often completely zone out. They referred him for speech therapy - his speech is fine but apparently through this, they can refer him on to whatever specialist help he might need.

So we had that appointment yesterday and the lady we saw said he was fine. He had good social and interaction skills as he would follow her lead on play, would play with her and interacted fine. She said that he doesn't make much eye contact but that's something that will come with some practice and over time. So she wasn't concerned.

Anyway, we also saw a separate nursery worker who works with kids with all sorts of learning difficulties. When she saw him one on one (with me), again, she said he seemed fine but wanted to observe him in his nursery setting, which she did today.

When I spoke to his nursery after this lady observed him, they said that she is going to refer him to the pediatricians as he does isolate himself. The nursery try and encourage him to play with others but he always ends up playing on his own again - through choice.

My friend said if he's happy with his own company, then what's the problem with that but obviously I don't want to have no friends. I just wondered if anyone else had experience of this and that when they went to school, they were fine? I'm hoping this will the case as school will probably be more structured than nursery. All I see at his nursery are 30 kids running around playing. He is quite a shy boy.

 

[BunnyN]

I remember hating nursrey. To me the kids were just loud and out of control and there was one boy that was too physical and pushed me over a couple of times so it scared me. I cant remember how I dealt with it but I know I wasnt at all into it. My mum stopped taking me after a bit because she was only taking me to get used to other children before I went to school.

School was totally different for me. I really liked it. It was much more controled and structured and I got on well with the teachers and other kids.

Its worth keeping an eye on your son but it might be that he reacts differently to school.

 

[susan_1981]

I hope he's the same. My niece was a bit like it as well. Hated nursery but was fine at school. I feel like his nursery are possibly exaggerating slightly - maybe to ensure that when he has his next appointment with the community pediatricians that I don't down play anything as apparently it can be hard to get them to assess kids who aren't completely obviously in need of some help.

He seems to play fine with other children when we're at softplay or the park so I don't really know what to think but I'm leaning towards him being just like his dad. He's always been shy. I guess come September when he's at school, I'll find out.

 

[BunnyN]

Hope it goes well.

 

[george83]

Maybe not to the same extreme but my 4 year old was a bit the same. He never really settled at play school and one of the other more dominating boys seemed drawn to my son but he had behavioural issues and quite often my son would end up getting scratched or hurt which always seemed to push him back into himself again. At school he's a totally different character with a good group of close friends but socialises with many more too

 

[tommyg]

I'm going to ask how well he tolerates change, and changes to plans?

I think they are trying to rule out autism or something. Lack of knowing how to interact is a red flag.

 

[OmarsMum]

My son was the same in FS1, he got better in reception, now he's in PY1 and he plays with other children with no issues, he is shy around strangers, at home and around people he knows he is very loud, but at school he is quiet in general and he doesn't talk much.

 

[JemmaLouise]

I think children just do things when they feel comfortable and shouldn't be pushed into doing things they clearly aren't ready for. My just turned 4 year old is similar, he has just been referred to speech and language because of the same thing and the fact he still fist grips his pen 😒😒 he has always been quite happy on his own as for a long time it was just me and him and he is gradually allowing other children into his play through exposure at nursery. Some children are naturally social and some take some time.

I was hugely upset that my son was referred when others who I know are the same haven't been but I guess to ensure the best start in reception I'll play their game.