Nearly 5 yr old behaviour

[LaughOutLoud]

Sometimes i feel ive lost my DD1. I had DD2 in July who was born with a serious heart defect and was very critical. We ended up in NICU for a month before finally coming home. The defect was not picked up during pregnancy and so it came as a shock. DD1 had never stayed without myself or DH up until this point. I had told her i was going to be back the next day but had a emergency section and stayed with DD2 as she underwent surgeries.

DD1 stayed with my family for the month and gradually came to see the baby and we told her what happened. She used to come quite regularly but would just mess around with her cousin. Together they were very loud and it was difficult to 'control' them.

Month later, we all started living at home. DD1 had become very attached to my parents home as more poeple living there and her cousins there. She had a few sleep overs there to help her settle back home but then we had to be strict and refuse the sleep overs as her and her cousin were having a lot of 'arguments' and trouble for everyone there.

She was due to start full time school in September, but we have had to appeal for change of school so she is currently at home with me. Its a blessing in disguise as she didnt get to spend the summer with us and the baby being in hospital. I used to just let her play at home but couple of weeks since I have been making her sit down and ive been teaching her so she can pick up things when she hopefully starts school.

Personally i have felt like ive lost both daughters due to what happened since birth of DD2, but i try to keep a level head.

I also feel like DD1 has changed a lot in the month we missed and i dont know if im just being impatient with her or if she is just doing normal kid things.

Example, today we were over at my mums as they had guests round who had a baby and a nearly 2 yr old toddler. The toddler started following DD1 around the house and DD1 was loving the attention. She was taking her into the kitchen and dining room and I kept telling her not to go there because the toddler was following. Then at dinnertime, she was shouting for her and calling her and asking if she wanted dinner. Sounds normal but she was so overly excited and needed calming down. I tried calling her to have a quite word, she wouldnt listen so I had to pull her into the kitchen. She was trying to get away and scream and i just needed to speak to her so I took her into another room (away from everyone else) and she was just trying to get away and shouting to go. I even got a kick off her in the process. I really snapped at her and had to switch the lights off to get her attention. In the end i told her to calm down, which tbh I dont think I helped myself. We discussed it at home, that when I call her I expect her to listen but she was so distracted with the playing. She kept saying the toddler was following her.

I was concerned that the toddler might get hurt following her around and I think I just wanted DD1 to give her some space. I wouldnt have been so concerned if the toddler was older.

I just dont know what I could have done. Im not sure im making sense. May be i was unfair?

Thanks for reading.

 

[Tasha]

Firstly huge it sounds like you've been through a lot.

I would say that is pretty normal five year old behaviour but probably coupled with getting away with more at the grandparents, it makes it a little more extreme.

I don't think you were unfair hun, but it has obviously upset you. How would you like to deal with a similar situation in future? Do you have positive reinforcement?

Is she mixing with children of a similar age? Honestly it sounds to me that she needs that right now, even rainbows or swimming lessons may help.

As for you, have you thought about counselling to try and process and come to terms with everything that happened surrounding your daughters birth? It must of been terrifying and it is okay to say I am struggling with this.

 

[LaughOutLoud]

She has started displaying behaviours not typical of her, like screaming, shouting and really just not listening. I feel like we have lost that 'connection' and I dont know where she is coming from. I dont want to lose her. She does need to be at school and with other children. I do things with her at weekends because one of us has to stay at home with DD2. During the week im teaching her things they would now be doing at school but its difficult because she doesnt sit still and doesnt want to concentrate. I have to make her sit with me and up to this point I have always just let her be, its just that I dont want her to fall behind now as she is not at school.

I guess im finding that she doesn't want to listen to me and just wants to run around. Im not sure how I should be dealing with her at the moment.

Thanks for asking how I am. Im honestly ok. Just a lot of changes but I guess thats life.

 

[OmarsMum]

Big hugs

I honestly think it is normal, Omar doesnt have the patience to sit & learn, he had a homework over the Eid holiday, it took us 4 days to finish it with loads of complaining & whining.

But when I taught him the states of matter it was interesting

If you're trying to teach her letters & numbers try youtube songs, if it's writing let her make her own flash cards, the only was Omar showed interest in learning some sight words was by letting him make his own flash cards.

Feel free to PM me or send me on whatsapp

Omar is driving me insane those days with his attitude looool