Need Advice/Reassurance

[1sttimemom67]

I'm 16 weeks pregnant and my parents and family are THRILLED! We are all super excited. However, my Husband's family doesn't seem as involved. My Mom and Dad have picked up little things like outfits and shoes (we found out that it was a girl early through DNA sampling). My Dad was so excited that he went to Toys R Us alone and picked out a crib. When we first told his family, they all seemed super excited and his mom even cried (happy tears). However, they don't purchase anything (which I know I'm early and that's not what matters to us, it just adds to what seems like lack of enthusiasm). I invited his Mom to see our 3D ultrasound this weekend. She works during the week as a teacher assistant and can't go to my regular doctor appointments like my Mom does. She never text me back until my Husband called her later to see if she got my message. She said she'd love to come, but it still felt like we had to push an answer out of her. I know it's probably natural for my parents to be more excited because they see me more and I'm their daughter. But shouldn't she want to be a little more involved? Even if it's just to check in on us and see how things are going? Another example would be last week, when my husband got done painting the nursery and putting the crib together, we invited both Mom's to come and see the nursery. My Mom lives 15 minutes from our house, where his Mom literally lives 2 minutes away. She said she was busy (with her boyfriend) going to tractor supply. She passes our house on the way to and from Tractor Supply. My Mom rushed over asap because she couldn't wait to see the room. His Dad passed away 4 years ago and his Mom got a boyfriend 6 or 7 months later, and she often seems more concerned about being with him. (we've invited her to dinner several times but she's always busy with him). My husband normally doesn't get upset about these kinds of things, but I could tell his feelings were genuinely hurt the other day after getting off the phone with her about seeing the nursery. It breaks my heart that she's not more "excited" or doesn't show it. I've heard that the mother-in-law seems to get more involved after the baby is born, but I'm afraid that I'll still be bitter about her lack of involvement now.

Any similar stories??

 

[Fruitmash]

My inlaws were similar when I was pregnant with DD, except I never invited MIL to scans or appointments, didn't invite my mum either. With my situation, it was the first grandchild on my side of the family and the 5th on DHs so it was new to my mum and old news to his, do your in laws have other grandchildren?

 

[1sttimemom67]

This is the first grandchild on both sides. My husband and I both work first shift and he's asked off for two appointments, but my Mom goes to the rest of them. This appointment is a 3D ultrasound at a place different from my doctor's office, or I probably wouldn't have asked if she wanted to come along.

 

[Maze]

It might be possible that while she is excited, a part of her could be hurting that she isn't sharing becoming a grandparent with her late husband. Sometimes when we're reminded of what we're missing, we avoid what is making us feel that way... and throw ourselves into something else to distract us, such as her new boyfriend.

I am sure once the baby arrives, it will be another story.

 

[MyFavSurprise]

I agree with Maze, that could definitely be a big part of it.

I don't know her personality, but my dad just got remarried to wife #4 and we don't even see him anymore. He used to be all about the grandkids and now it's like pulling teeth. For him he is just so afraid to be alone he settles for whoever will take him, and in this case it's a nut that wants nothing to do with us lol. She has even made him get rid of all of our stuff and even his mother's things. I figure if that's what he's decided is most important to him then so be it.

I hope she comes around when LO is here, sometimes women forget the excitement of expecting and it comes out with the arrival

 

[Jmxswack]

I'm sure she's excited. But people show excitement in different ways.

She also may have different comfort levels as far as privacy in what she chose to do with her pregnancies. My grandmother, for instance, will ask about your health and politely listen to whatever else you tell her regarding pregnancy, but she believes that most of your pregnancy is an excitement shared between a husband and wife. Not because she doesn't care, but because that's what she and my Granddad did and it brought them so close and was so exciting for them to talk and dream about that together. Maybe she went through something similar and just thinks that it's primarily a couple's experience to prepare for the baby.

Or, it may be that she is unable financially to swing a big gift other than at the shower.

You could try sending her text or email updates if that would be more comfortable for you both. It's a lot easier to say "Had a great appointment heart beat was 160" or send a picture of the nursery and have her respond in her own time that way. She's still involved, but in a way that might make her more comfortable and able to be engaged.

 

[1sttimemom67]

Thank you all for your input. It has helped me to put things into a different perspective. I'm hoping with time, things will get better & for now, I'll put these thoughts on the back burner so that I can enjoy my first pregnancy. Thanks again!

 

[SonnyH]

I do agree that everyone shows excitement differently. I have a somewhat opposite situation that my inlaws are baby bonkers and my parents much more subdued. My inlaws have been so excited and immediately rushed out and bought us baby things! They have bought us so much stuff already (which we are eternally greatful for)! Where as my parents are way more laid back, quiet type. They are yet to buy us anything but I know it's not out of not being excited, it's just I'm only 17 weeks and there is plenty of time. And they are a bit more the type who don't think you need more than the essentials! Plus, I think my dad is still coming to terms with being a Grandad whereas my father in law already is one and also was desperate to be one!

I'm sure your mother in law is excited. She probably doesn't mean to come across as rude, she probably feels she has lots of time to buy you bits and pieces and see your lovely nursery!

 

[_Meep_]

I felt like my dad wasn't even pleased when I announced my first pregnancy, let alone excited.

He absolutely adores my little girl now she's here. I think he'd happily have her as his own if she wasn't mine!