Need some advice please - over-apologising

[BethK]

I'm not sure where to start really, but here goes....

I have a 4 year old daughter, she has always been an angel, really never any problem and a pleasure to spend time with.

She's always been rather dramatic and over-emotional though. If we slightly raise our voice or change to a stern tone she will cry her eyes out, then if we ask why she's crying she'll say it's cos she just wants a cuddle! (We give her endless cuddles all day and she knows that she doesn't need to cry to get a cuddle).

Also she will cry over the slightest thing, she is an only child and we've been trying to say no to unnecessary crying thinking it's to get attention but not sure what to do about this.

She's also over-apologising. If she does something and i tell her off (again just slightly changing my tone) she will keep apologising, she'll say sorry over and over and get really worried, but no one has ever laid a finger on her so she can't be scared.

If she does something naughty she begs you not to tell anyone, she doesn't like it if she loses a frube yoghurt for bedtime as then Daddy will know she's been naughty and she thinks that he wont cuddle her if she's been naughty!

I have no idea where any of this has come from. I can cope with an over-emotional child but she's so afraid we're not going to love her if she's naughty yet we've NEVER smacked her or hardly ever raised our voice to her, we're ALWAYS cuddling her and praising her and telling her how much we love her no matter what.

The preschool say they've only ever told her off once and she was so devastated that she'd done something wrong they've never done it since!

Any ideas on how we can ease this? Or maybe it'll get better when she starts school?

 

[Sour_Skittle]

No advice but my nearly 4 year old is EXACTLY the same! She has always been a. Great child. Never really hit terrible twos or three's, always clingy and lovey... But correcting her in anyway devastates her and she often runs away crying. It breaks my heart... I don't want her to feel so badly for such minor things as if she thinks we don't love her anymore. I love that she apologizes but gosh.... I feel so bad when she does! It's difficult and I'm not sure there is much we can do... It's the type of person they are. They want to please those they love and respect. It means you are doing something right being that she holds what you say and think so highly. We just have to be extra careful and always be sure to praise when praise is do because that means the world to them.

 

[MummyMana]

I'm still like that now, she's probably just sensitive and a worrier

 

[BethK]

Thank you so much for your replies.

You're right, she probably is just a sensitive person, that's just who she is.

It worries me though how she will deal with being disciplined at school or how she may be targeted by bullies and how much she would be affected by them

 

[seoj]

Most likely, it is just part of who she is- the temperment she was born with. And since young children don't have much (if any) self control, they are very emotionally driven. If you hadn't noticed! lol

Personally- I would try not to make a big deal of it- when my LO is over sensative, I give her cuddles and try to talk through it with her (but she's not 3 yet)- then I simply move on...and usually, she'll follow along and get past it.

Not sure that helps at all- but it's most likely something she'll learn to control more as she grows- but just knowing you will be there to support and encourage her will help I'm sure I've always been more "sensative" and care giver and it's usually not an issue- except when I'm too hard on myself. But it's part of what makes me= me. And it's also something I'm learning (I'm 40 now!) to control as needed- like not being SO hard on myself etc... and knowing it's OK to say no... and not letting things fester. It's a life long journey- but I'm sure your LO will do lovely And hey, you can all learn and grow together.

 

[BethK]

Thank you Seoj

 

[Ceejay123]

Rileys only two and he's starting to do this. If he does something wrong and we tell him off, he will run off and cry. He'll then refuse to come near one of us, as if we hate him! I.E if my OH tells him off (for example, getting something out of the fridge without asking) Riley will cry his eyes out and run to the naughty step. He'll then stay there and refuse to move unless Daddy tells him it's okay and that he didn't mean to upset him. If I say 'It's alright, Daddy's not upset' he just doesn't believe me! He does it the other way round too.

Nursery have told me Riley is the most sensitive child they've ever met. Eesh! I love that boy to pieces and I hate seeing him upset. He'll then cling to whoever has told him off for hours saying love you and hugging them. x

 

[BethK]

Rileys only two and he's starting to do this. If he does something wrong and we tell him off, he will run off and cry. He'll then refuse to come near one of us, as if we hate him! I.E if my OH tells him off (for example, getting something out of the fridge without asking) Riley will cry his eyes out and run to the naughty step. He'll then stay there and refuse to move unless Daddy tells him it's okay and that he didn't mean to upset him. If I say 'It's alright, Daddy's not upset' he just doesn't believe me! He does it the other way round too.

Nursery have told me Riley is the most sensitive child they've ever met. Eesh! I love that boy to pieces and I hate seeing him upset. He'll then cling to whoever has told him off for hours saying love you and hugging them. x

It's heartbreaking isn't it, I hope Freya gets a bit more confidence at school!

 

[CoralInGold]

It seems we just have some very overly sensitive children! My daughter is exactly the same. They are just very loving

I'm hoping Brooke gains a little more confidence at school though regarding standing up for herself & not being pushed over, it breaks my heart to think of her being bullied