Need some advice

[mummytono5]

My name is Alison I am expecting my 5th baby and i'm 22 weeks i also have 4 other children with my husband they are aged 11, 9, 8 and 4. We also have a step daughter living with us she came to live with us about a year ago as she had fallen out with her mother. She turned 13 in February of this year and since she's become a teenager she has been an absolute madam she doesn't realise that both her dad and I both worry/love her and that shouting at us is not good for the family full stop. She has also been sleeping around so to stop her becoming pregnant i asked her to go on the pill but recently she has been so rebellious that i'm not sure she's been taking them.

I thought that she has fallen pregnant as she is having that all the early symptoms that i've had in the past and I knew that the only way to know for certain is to get her to take a pregnancy test but i wasn't convinced she would do it, so i bought one and left it in her room. She did the test and it came back positive which was a bit of a shock to both of us. I'm not sure what to do now that we know.

 

[suzimc]

Its impossible to give advice on that one, its a big issue! I'm not sure where you're from but if its the UK there are specially trained nurses out there who can give you advice on what to do next. I think your GP would be able to putyou in touch with them. Good luck to you all xx

 

[Sunshine12]

Oh jeez. She is just a child. Has your partner been in touch with her mother?
What has she said about it? I think after you speak with her mother you need to get professional advice and have her (the 13 year old) talk to someone impartial about it so she can make a decision about what she wants to do (although I have to say that I dont think a 13 year old is capable of making such a decision). They will also be able to possibly find out who the potential father is. Unlikely she will tell you I would imagine.

 

[mummytono5]

My husband rang her mother last night she said that she wasn't suprised that she had gone and got herself pregnant but her mum doesn't want to come back. She blames my husband for not having better control over her. We have made an appointment for the 13 year old to talk to a counsellor at the counselling service Youthline which is just behind us and she is going to see the doctor in the morning.

The 13 year old had a meeting this morning with the underage teenage pregnancy advisor who is attached to social services who is going to help her make a decision I have a horrible feeling what she's going to decide but she's the one who's got to make it and live with consequences. We think we have found out who the babies father is as we had a visit this evening from a mum who said my son has just told me that he thinks he's made his g/f pregnant.

 

[suzimc]

Well done its an awful situation and it sounds like you're doing all the right things x

 

[Sunshine12]

My husband rang her mother last night she said that she wasn't suprised that she had gone and got herself pregnant but her mum doesn't want to come back. She blames my husband for not having better control over her. We have made an appointment for the 13 year old to talk to a counsellor at the counselling service Youthline which is just behind us and she is going to see the doctor in the morning.

The 13 year old had a meeting this morning with the underage teenage pregnancy advisor who is attached to social services who is going to help her make a decision I have a horrible feeling what she's going to decide but she's the one who's got to make it and live with consequences. We think we have found out who the babies father is as we had a visit this evening from a mum who said my son has just told me that he thinks he's made his g/f pregnant.

I think you are handling it perfectly. I guess though that if she decides to keep the baby its unlikely that it will be her that looks after it full time as she is too young to live on her own let alone bring up a baby by herself. Also dont think she is old enough to make an informed decision or have any kind of a clue what she is letting herself in for. I hope she does the right thing. I know in which direction I would be trying to sway her. Good luck with it. x

 

[mummytono5]

Took Becca to see the doctor yesterday, the doctor confirmed that Becca's definately pregnant. The doctor had a brief chat to Becca about nutrition for herself and the baby also briefly mentioned the possible options. I have a feeling that Becca has already ruled out one option if that is the case there is going to be 2 pregnant mum to be's in the house.

Alison

 

[Torontogal]

Don't have much to add hear but sorry you're dealing with this challenging situation and I hope it works out as well as such a thing possibly can. At least it's good that she's getting health care and nutrition advice early which will make the outcome better if she does have the baby. You sound like a very good and loving stepmom.

 

[mummytono5]

I'm finding this really tiring at the moment especially with being pregnant.

 

[Sparkly222]

Just read your thread. I really feel for you - just when you want to be looking after yourself and enjoying your pregnancy, you have all this to worry about. I am a step mum to a now 27 year old step daughter from my marriage (have been divorced for 5 years and now with new partner for 3 years). She moved in with us when she was 14 and had a serious boyfriend at 15 which caused all sorts of problems as he was abusive and dominating even though he himself was only 15. Am pleased to say she left him. Also now have two teenage step kids with current partner (living with their mum) and many of my friends have step kids living with them. My partners daughter got pregnant at 17 last year to a guy 10 years older than her. She had a termination and we gave her as much support as we could but the strain on everyone was immense. I hear lots of stories of how difficult relationships can be with step kids alot of the time. I think you have done all the right things and I admire your courage and stamina. Stay strong. I hope it all works out. She is very young and as someone else has said, I guess she is not the one who will be looking after the little one all the time as she has to continue school etc. Wishing you best of luck. Lots of mums here to listen whenever you need us to. xxx Sparkly

 

[mummytono5]

Becca has started finding her day at school very exhausting as she is starting to have first trimester symptoms kick in, she hasn't had morning sickness to date but she feels very tired and nauseous. Luckily next friday is the end of term so she won't' have more school for a fortnight.

I'm feeling very pregnant now i'm now 24 weeks and i'm worried about becca especially as i'm starting to think that her intention is to have the baby. I don't know if she intends to keep it or put it up for adoption.

Alison

 

[Storm1jet2]

Oh wow - what a situation to be in, she is only a child herself. I think you are handling this an awful lot better than I would and I hope your step daughter makes what is the right decision for her. No words of advice but remember you need to take time for you too - you are pregnant also.

 

[mummytono5]

I am trying not to get cross with her which i have to say is not easy sometimes. As there are times when the fact that she's pregnant really frustrates me but i'm trying not to get to stressed as it's not good for baby.

My hubbie has been very good he takes over the kids when he gets in from work and has been improving his cooking skills. He's actually quite enjoying it.

Alison

 

[mummytono5]

Hubbie is really worried about Becca he has given up smoking, today is day 7 and he keeps wanting to tell her how to live her life. As I keep pointing out this is not our decision to make we just have to accept the decision she makes regardless of how we feel.

Alison

 

[scotmum35]

sending big hugs your way.sounds like u are dealing with it admirably considering u are going through pregnancy yourself and have other children.if she does decide to keep it there might be a teen mother school she can attend in the area.worth asking socialwork if there are any.im glad she has u and her dad as her mother sounds like she couldnt care less.

 

[April2012]

what is so very sad is that at 13 and pregnant, she is pretty clueless. her decisions now will not only affect her life--for the next 18 years at least...but the life of another, new human being. I know it is her decision, but at 13...she needs guidance. I would encourage her to learn about ALL of her options and fully understand the repercussions of each possible decision.

you seem to be a wondeful, caring stepmom!

 

[mummytono5]

Becca is 8 weeks pregnant and she has been suffering with chronic morning sickness. She is extremely tired, we went out the other day and bought her, her first bra.

I'm extremely worried for her i'm now 27 weeks pregnant and i'm trying not to get to stressed out as i'm quite heavily pregnant.

Alison

 

[April2012]

Becca is 8 weeks pregnant and she has been suffering with chronic morning sickness. She is extremely tired, we went out the other day and bought her, her first bra.

I'm extremely worried for her i'm now 27 weeks pregnant and i'm trying not to get to stressed out as i'm quite heavily pregnant.

Alison

I hope i am not out of line...but has anyone talked to her and encouraged the option of termination? i am not trying to offend anyone's moral or religious beliefs, but abortion is a real option for many women. i fear what having a baby would do for this young girl (child, really). I don't know her...only a brief synopsis of her situation, but would having a baby at 14 be the best way to ensure her happiness and safety moving forward in this world? I understand it must be her decision, but is she getting real, solid, practical advice and information?

Note: I am from a relatively liberal part of the United States. My views on abortion are likely very different than many parts of the world. Again, sorry if my questions offend.