Need some advise please

[Rikki]

Hi everyone
I had a phone call from the hospital today, they have the results of the post mortem done on my baby who I lost at 19weeks 2 months ago, and I have an appointment with the consultant next week.

I'm a bit scared about what they are going to say. Like if they tell me not to try again, or that there is something wrong with me or there are chromosomal incompatibilities with my partner etc. I'm afraid that they might say something that will put my partner off trying.

So, I was thinking about going on my own. I don't live with my partner at the moment, but we both really want a baby together and intend to make a life with each other. Obviously I would tell them what they say afterwards, I'm not going to keep it from him, but I think I would like to digest what they say first and then tell him.

The problem is, if I tell him about the appointment he might insist on coming, and if I don't tell him he might be hurt I kept it from him.

Sorry for the long post. I don't have anyone I can talk to about this which is why I'm turning to BnB for help. Thanks.

 

[hopes fading]

Hi Rikki

Firstly, I am so sorry for your dreadful loss and I hope you are doing OK.

It is a tricky question, I think men and their emotions are very difficult to second guess at the best of times...

Why don't you tell him about it and ask if he wants to come along (if he's anything like my partner he would probably rather do anything before going to the hospital or doctors!) Given the option he may be happy for you to go alone and then tell him about it in your own wordsaftewards.

I have discovered over time that my boyf isn't great in these situations, I suspect he only goes along in the first place because he assumes I expect him to. I sometimes try and put him off by telling him it will be all girly stuff, too many details etc - he's usually happy with the get out of jail free card to be honest.

Either way, I hope that you feel you have done the right thing whatever you decide and I hope you don't find out anything too distressing. I doubt very much that you will. X

 

[Rikki]

I think he would want to come, but I'm scared he won't want to try for another baby after what they say (obviously I don't know what they are going to say yet). We were going to start trying again soon, but I can see him getting put off.

In my head I am just putting it all down to bad luck and want to try again ASAP as not getting any younger. But now I'm scared there will be a problem and they'll tell us not to try again.