need some help! (could be tmi!)

[miss_novotny]

Hi ladies,

first time posting back here in a long while.

I need some help... in late March I had a feeling that I was pregnant and DH and I were happy about that. Even though all the at home pee tests I took were BFN's and I didnt get one BFP, but I knew something wasn't right. I did one and I got a tiny faint line (perhaps a small fat positive) and that settled it. I did everything I could in order to keep it ( I've got PCOS)

But I'll get to the point. 3 days after (I made it about the 25th of March) I went to the toilet and sat there for a while. I had some bleeding for a day or so and thought nothing of it as it didnt get heavier. So i was sitting there doing no2's then I felt something odd come out of my bottom.. I was too upset and horrified to look in the toilet but I'm guessing this was the miscarriage that I dreaded.... I remember getting off the toilet and trying to just 'act normal' but inside I was hurt and sad.

This is where I'm starting to struggle to comprehend.. seeing as it was very early and I was only about 2 weeks, does it count as a miscarriage or a chemical pregnancy? I know what I felt those weeks, and I know that something wasnt right and I knew that I was pregnant. I haven't told my doctor all these months and I'm too scared to incase she dismisses it as a chemical. I know people say that no matter when you lost your baby or miscarried it still counts as a life and it still counts as a baby. I still count it as the baby girl ( we didnt know for sure but we hoped it was) I lost and coming up on the 25th of November (roughly) would have been when she/he would have been born and it's touching a nerve. I don't want to bring it up with DH as he has enough to worry about at the moment. He think i've forgotten about it, but in reality I haven't, and I still ponder thoughts like "oh only a month more to go"

What can I do to come to terms with this and give myself closure?

ps. Incase anyone was wondering if we did have a girl the name we had picked was Louella Cassandra

 

[InTheVerse]

Hi ladies,

first time posting back here in a long while.

I need some help... in late March I had a feeling that I was pregnant and DH and I were happy about that. Even though all the at home pee tests I took were BFN's and I didnt get one BFP, but I knew something wasn't right. I did one and I got a tiny faint line (perhaps a small fat positive) and that settled it. I did everything I could in order to keep it ( I've got PCOS)

But I'll get to the point. 3 days after (I made it about the 25th of March) I went to the toilet and sat there for a while. I had some bleeding for a day or so and thought nothing of it as it didnt get heavier. So i was sitting there doing no2's then I felt something odd come out of my bottom.. I was too upset and horrified to look in the toilet but I'm guessing this was the miscarriage that I dreaded.... I remember getting off the toilet and trying to just 'act normal' but inside I was hurt and sad.

This is where I'm starting to struggle to comprehend.. seeing as it was very early and I was only about 2 weeks, does it count as a miscarriage or a chemical pregnancy? I know what I felt those weeks, and I know that something wasnt right and I knew that I was pregnant. I haven't told my doctor all these months and I'm too scared to incase she dismisses it as a chemical. I know people say that no matter when you lost your baby or miscarried it still counts as a life and it still counts as a baby. I still count it as the baby girl ( we didnt know for sure but we hoped it was) I lost and coming up on the 25th of November (roughly) would have been when she/he would have been born and it's touching a nerve. I don't want to bring it up with DH as he has enough to worry about at the moment. He think i've forgotten about it, but in reality I haven't, and I still ponder thoughts like "oh only a month more to go"

What can I do to come to terms with this and give myself closure?

ps. Incase anyone was wondering if we did have a girl the name we had picked was Louella Cassandra

I'm so sorry for your loss That's a lovely name

A chemical pregnancy is still a miscarriage, unless you chose to see and define it differently then that's your choice and right. If your doctor minimises your upset then you need a new doctor in my opinion. I would go and speak to them and I would also consider phoning the miscarriage association as well.

When I first found that I lost our baby I needed someone neutral to talk to, someone I could say things too I wasn't ready to say to others and they were really good.

I can't say about closure, I think it's different for everyone. My due date hit me really really hard- more so then I expected it too. Talking to my husband and my close, sensitive friends has really helped and just the support I've had here really as too.

I found blogging helped me get down my emotions even if they were a ramble.

I don't know if you ever get closure, I'm not sure you don't just learn to cope and over time the wound becomes a scar rather then a throbbing gash. I've had friends tell me that until they got their Rainbow babies they didn't feel rid of the emptiness, while others have said that they were able to get closure by planting a tree.

I lit a candle on thursday for baby loss day, which helped my husband and I to sit together, have a glass of wine and talk about our sadness.

Can you not talk to your husband about it at all?Perhaps he's remembered too but doesn't want to remind or upset you?

 

[miss_novotny]

I'm so sorry for your loss That's a lovely name

A chemical pregnancy is still a miscarriage, unless you chose to see and define it differently then that's your choice and right. If your doctor minimises your upset then you need a new doctor in my opinion. I would go and speak to them and I would also consider phoning the miscarriage association as well.

When I first found that I lost our baby I needed someone neutral to talk to, someone I could say things too I wasn't ready to say to others and they were really good.

I can't say about closure, I think it's different for everyone. My due date hit me really really hard- more so then I expected it too. Talking to my husband and my close, sensitive friends has really helped and just the support I've had here really as too.

I found blogging helped me get down my emotions even if they were a ramble.

I don't know if you ever get closure, I'm not sure you don't just learn to cope and over time the wound becomes a scar rather then a throbbing gash. I've had friends tell me that until they got their Rainbow babies they didn't feel rid of the emptiness, while others have said that they were able to get closure by planting a tree.

I lit a candle on thursday for baby loss day, which helped my husband and I to sit together, have a glass of wine and talk about our sadness.

Can you not talk to your husband about it at all?Perhaps he's remembered too but doesn't want to remind or upset you?

Hi,

I still class chemical's as a miscarriage regardless.

I recently joined the local Stillbirth,Miscarriage group to try and talk to like minded woman. I spoke to DH yesterday and noted that it will be 9 months up soon and it would be the due date for baby. We spoke about all this in depth a few years ago and we prayed and prayed that God would spare our hearts from this heartache. I had a dreams about us in our little family with our baby girl and we lived in one of the houses I lived in as a teen growing up in New Zealand and it was just simply beautiful because we were so happy and even though in the dream we had lost two baby's before, this baby girl was our Rainbow baby.

Thank you for sharing about your loss, I am so sorry for yours too I'm scared about approaching the due date I'm not sure what to feel or whether we should celebrate it? I want to celebrate it and I'm sure DH does too, but how? I still have the toys and socks I bought last year and looking at them is so painful.

I'm currently writing a book at the moment and I try to focus on that when I'm sad, but it doesn't work and sometimes I just want to talk about it. DH knows it upsets me greatly and he accepts that death has its rightful place in the world ( he is a layreader but can perform pastoral duties) but I don't think he really understands that it effects him as well. When I originally told him that I was possibly pregnant he was happy but I don't know how he felt because I didn't ask.

I feel so empty inside but I'm just not sure who to talk to. I knew I could count on the ladies here because you're all so wonderful. I shall try and talents DH again when Due Date comes up. I know he feels hurt as well but I'm just not sure he wants to remember..

Oh the pain of losing a baby is cruel...