need to break away from it all

[Inge]

Iv posted before about all the OH problems. Iv been to-ing and fro-ing for months and still am not happy. I know id rather be alone with the boys as OH causes too much stress for me.
He is expecting me to pay for a games console he brought for £280 on credit that needs to be payed in july and also help him with travel costs £300 for his training course in july. God knows how id do that seeing as I only get child tax credits and chuld benefit and he has a full time job.
Im pretty much here just to cook his meals, wash his clothes and baby sit. He never tells me I look nice, never says thank you.
Last week we went out for the day with the kids and I was paying in a shop and he stormed off with Leo and I had Jamie with me, I left the shop and hed gone I looked everywhere, went to the multi story car park and looked every where and then eventually walked to the tesco and he was looking at a new mobile phone and just had a stupid look on his face and said it was my fault Id gotten lost from him I cant believe he just drove off and didnt even say where he was going and never had his phone with him either!
I tried to phone the womens domestic abuse line yesterday 3 times but they didnt answer and he was due home from work soon so can only phone tomorow when hes working overtime. That day he went off and left me in town, on our way home I told him I was going to just get the bus home so he pulled the car over and shouted at me to get the f* out of his car then if I felt like that. I cant really be bothered to be wih someone who talks to me like that.
He always says il never leave him and if I do I cant take the kids with me, so hes got me stuck in my eyes. Id love to leave and make a fresh start, last time I said about splitting up he said he was going to get a 1 bed flat by his work. Even though he has 3 kids, so its obvious he wouldnt care to see any of them. Another thing hes done recently is pester me for sex. I dont want to have sex with someone who shouts at me and makes me feel crap so its not suprising. Last time he tried and i kept pushing him away he got in a mood and stormed off downstairs for the night. Id prefer to move to my home town and make a new start but im scared to do it because when he comes home and wer gone and I have to answer the phone to him, god knows how hed react when I say im not coming back. Wer also in the middle of a council exchange so Id feel bad about leaving in the middle of it all. He could still move into the new place as he could afford it so it could still go ahead.
He doesnt sound worth it does he? I think I only got with him in the first place as my mum was abusive to me and my brother and he was an escape. He was lovely in the start, buying me gifts and taking me out every day but then he starting saying disgusting things about me to his work friends, making me late for work, and being a sour face when he pick me up from meeting friends, so I should have seen it all years ago.
Would leaving be so hard to do? any advice from women who have left the home to go into a refuge or anything?

 

[whatwillbe]

I've never been in that situation but from what you've said I would deff leave, it's not good for you or your kids the longer you stay, if your worried about him being violent or anything call the police, hope you make the right choice for you and you kids x

 

[Inge]

thanks, Im phoning the helpline again in a bit, hes gone to work and iv got such a sick stomach worrying what he'll do when he gets home and wer gone. I asked him what hed do if i went to my dads for a while, he said he wouldnt care cos iv been moody lately. So i guess it wont bother him much if im not here.

 

[Inge]

I phoned the helpline but didnt have a chance to get any info on spaces anywhere as he started phoning my mobile every few seconds because the landline was in use.
I tried to talk to him again but he got angry nd shouted at me for bringing it up again. I feel like I cant go because he doesnt want me to take the 2 yr old with me. He works 12hr shifts days and nights so how does he expect to look after a 2 yr old himself? Whenever Iv gone out and left him in charge I come home to the 2 yr old stripped to his nappy making a mess with food and the baby screaming while OH plays the ps3.
Id love to just leave when hes at work one day but scared what would happen when he found out, then if we did stay away when he was able to see the kids, Id be scared hed keep Leo and not give him back. Any one dealt with a partner like this and had success at leaving and moving on?

 

[MissDee-89]

I did. I just left with my daughter and a suitcase, the council will put you somewhere and if hes violent/abusive they will move you out of area. If you do leave see a solicitor asap, and get a residence order so he cant take your Lo. I assume you will be claiming income support, make sure you take him off your tax credits claim asap or you will owe them loads of money despite you would receive the same... only mentioning that because it happened to me lol.

Honestly, it was the best thing I ever did and I haven't once regretted it.

Good luck xx

 

[Inge]

thanks for replying im going to phone places tomorow then if I can go tomorow il phone tax credits and let them know. The thing im worrying about is when he comes home and we're gone

 

[MissDee-89]

Be strong for you and lo. Are you worried he will be violent? The police had my address flagged for if I ever rang they knew to come immediately. I also had a large bolt and chain fitted for our safety, makes me feel alot better.
I love being a single mum and away from the stress and upset from that relationship. Jessica has been alot better too, he clearly affected her alot

 

[Inge]

hes never been physical but hes thrown things and broken things because he knows it will upset me. Hes more verbal and emotional with the abuse and threats. He knows I wont leave without Leo but he says I cant take him so im worried what hed do if I did. To be honest probably nothing and hes only saying it because he knows Il stay on that condition, but im not being unhappy for the rest of my life.

 

[MissDee-89]

hope you and your son are ok. There is no way he can take him, get the residence order asap.
Men can really know how to manipulate
Good luck x