Needing Advice

[WackyMumof2]

So the kids father is severely depressed - so much to the point where he's got no zest left for life, he doesn't interact with the kids as often as he normally would and has even said that he's over life and would be better off dead. He won't see a doctor as he doesn't want counseling or medication and at the moment, on top of my issues, I'm doing everything I can to try and lift this mood. 11 years and I have never seen him just give up. He won't talk to me about his problems because he doesn't want to burden me while I'm trying to sort me out but he has said that thinking just makes them worse. Every time I leave the house I ask him if he's coming. And I can't be at home watching him full-time because that's not fair for him or I. He just doesn't want to get out of bed and he hasn't even turned on the PS4 to play anything which is out of character for him. I respect his not wanting to see someone or take medications but I need to help him move forward and to be in a better place. He's never given up on me in the 11 years we were (hopefully will be after my things are sorted) together, I'm not giving up on him. What can I do please? Desperate. I don't think he would do anything stupid but I'm still worried. Need to start lifting this mood somehow. I miss my sarcastic asshole.

 

[Witchrose]

I'm really sorry that your husband and you are going through this. I know you said you respect his wish not to see a doctor or take medication, but if he is suffering from any kind of clinical depression (and it sounds like he might be, versus just feeling "down") than he really does need professional help. He can't snap out of it, and you can't "lift his mood".

I don't want to stress you more than you already are. You have enough on your mind. But statements akin to"I don't want to live anymore"- should always be taken very seriously. Too many men still cling to the sexist idea that they are supposed to just tough things like this out by themselves.

You may be right that your husband wouldn't do anything drastic, but to be on the safe side, I would contact a help line and get further advice, or speak to your own therapist if you have one.

I wish you both all the best.

 

[BunnyN]

Aw hugs hun it sounds like a really hard situation for you at the moment. Have you tried having a heart to heart with him? He doesn't want to burden you by talking but not talking or doing anything is creating a great deal of stress for you too. If you haven't done already I would start by saying that it is really worrying and you really need him and his family needs him. He might not want to do anything about it for himself but he needs to do something for you and your boys.

Is there anyone else he is close to in his family that it might help him to talk to, or that you could have a word with?

 

[WackyMumof2]

Aw hugs hun it sounds like a really hard situation for you at the moment. Have you tried having a heart to heart with him? He doesn't want to burden you by talking but not talking or doing anything is creating a great deal of stress for you too. If you haven't done already I would start by saying that it is really worrying and you really need him and his family needs him. He might not want to do anything about it for himself but he needs to do something for you and your boys.

Is there anyone else he is close to in his family that it might help him to talk to, or that you could have a word with?

I told him I'm not giving up on him because he hasn't given up on me. He's started opening up a little for me and is becoming more and more ready to talk - both about interests and how he's feeling. He still has his days where he won't burden me and that is never going to change. But he's found someone who's been through almost an identical upbringing as him, feels the same way and that's been a huge help. That in turn, has given him the motivation to get up and go at all sorts of stupid hours which is costing me a fortune in fuel but if it's getting him out of the house then I'm not complaining. He's not talking about wanting to end it all now but he will, on occasion still state that he wants to just disappear where no one will find him. He's also found a lot out about one particular thing that really got to him and realized that it's not his problem. He still won't talk about it but I'd rather he not to me because that issue is something I am not, and will not be supportive of. Still, he's come a long way from where he was 2 weeks ago and although he has more down days where he wants to be by himself, he's making progressing and moving forward. I can't argue there.

 

[BunnyN]

I'm glad there is some improvement hun. I am sure it is going to take a long time and have ups and downs but I am glad there seems to be a way forward from where he was.