Needing to wait but feeling the pressure

[Ilayssas]

Hi everyone! I am new to this community and was hoping I could find other ladies who could relate!

I'm 28 years old, have been married for 5 years and I'm starting to feel the motherly instinct and urge to become a mother. Hubby has wanted kids for some time now and would love nothing more than us getting pregnant. We had been living day to day and up until about a year ago got serious about our finances and paying off our debt. We are now hoping to build up our savings (emergency/baby fund and house down payment). I started a new job this past April and due to work deadlines and such, we decided we would be better off to wait until next Spring or so before we begin TTC (less stress plus I would qualify for family leave, 12 weeks of unpaid leave). Hubby has since also received a promotion so we hoping to save up faster than we were able to years before.

I had some irregular periods last year and came off a copper IUD (shifted twice) to hormonal BC. One of my doctors was worried I suffered from PCOS but the other disagreed, overall my period has been mostly regular since getting on BC. I am very concerned and aware about fertility now that I am closer to turning 30...We have received some comments from people around us about "the perfect time not existing" which don't help the cause. In addition, for my height my BMI is too high and I need to lose about 40 to 50 lbs to be at a healthy range. There are other factors in my life such as living 1 hr away from my parents (due to housing costs) which bother my mom especially, amongst others which I suppose are weighing heavy on me as well.

I am trying to get my priorities in order for the new year, I found it helped a lot last year when I did a similar exercise after deciding to transition out of my old career which would not be sustainable with a family.
I'm sorry for the rant, I guess my question is whether anyone has any advice or suggestions?

 

[LadyVictoria]

Hi! Welcome to the community. I can totally relate to that baby fever kicking in. It's been a lifelong affliction for me but it really ramped up the second my husband and I got married. I was still in graduate school at the time and also wanted to be married for a couple years first, so I did my best to move past it. We adopted a dog the next year and that helped a lot! I love my fur baby. I also started a full-time job in my field in the beginning of that year so I also had to be there so long before being eligible for FMLA. One thing I did do while waiting was started a baby fund where I put a few hundred dollars aside every month because I was expecting an unpaid leave. Then my state and employer adopted Paid Family Leave so now I've built up this wonderful cushion (I still add to it monthly) but will also have some of my income. My husband and I also have our own short-term disability plan that I can use as well. So I think that you're doing good by getting your finances in order. Calculate the cost of child care in your area and make practice payments (put that money into your baby fund, for example).

I would also start mentally and physically preparing NOW. Work to change your diet and lose the wait. That might actually help with your cycles balancing out. My husband and I got preconception check ups with blood work a few months before we started trying. Get on a prenatal vitamin and take extra vitamin D. I'd also try to get off of birth control way in advance to really learn your cycle. With irregular periods it can be frustrating, but tracking your cycle will give you valuable insight into what your body is doing. There are plenty of books and websites that can guide you (Taking Charge of Your Fertility, Kindara) but essentially you'll want to track your basal body temperature, cervical fluid and/or position, and other signs that change throughout your cycle that can let you know when you're fertile. Best of luck to you!

 

[Shoemama]

I'm new here too! I know what you mean about work settling down and getting finances in order. I also just started a new job, and hubby gets a pay raise in June, so we are waiting on that! It's an exciting thought to be starting your family. Good luck to you, and I'll be stalking!