need's help!! confused!

[babyndme]

Hai! Im a new single mum! My son's only 2 weeks old, nd i want to know if i have to let the father of my child have him for a few hours or not?? help plz xxxxxxxxx

 

[purpledahlia]

well do u trust him?? is he in her life?? was he supportive to you during pregnancy and birth?? sorry, cant really tell you yes or no its completely up to you, but depends on your history with him and i dont know it.... hope you decide ok, xx

 

[babyndme]

Well he doesnt do nothing to help me, nd has only been giving me stress since i found out i was pregnant! Im not going to stop him seeing him completly, i just need some advice!!

 

[DizzyMoo]

Tricky one, ideally baby should be seeing daddy but of course its going to depend on each situation hun.

If you can come to an agreement with him about seeing baby then that's better than him taking you to court for access which he could realistically do .

There is no reason why baby can't go out, so it would be down to you & how you feel on it hun. He will have to understand if you feel uncomfortable just yet coz frankly so would i, but you also have to understand he is the babies father & is also entitled to see baby without you if you are not together. He also needs to provide for your lo, so this will need to be brought up ie either payments towards her or he should buy what she needs & give it to you.

Best thing if you can is to be as amicable as possible that way it would be easier to say you are not ready to be seperated from baby just yet, maybe ask if he wants to visit baby at your place, or tell him if he wants to see baby to ring you in advance 1st & then you can both agree a time & place if elsewhere.

The more amicable you are the better & easier it will be for you.

 

[Csunshine013]

I would say that if he hasn't helped you out with the baby and all he does is give you stress then NO! I don't know what it's like across the pond but here the father or non-custodial parent has to pay child support. If you have this I would go down and file for it asap and then once he is caught up on it then yes he is allowed to see him but you make the rules not him! Good Luck!

 

[babyndme]

How do i do that im so confused!!

 

[DizzyMoo]

where abouts are you hun ? if in uk then contact child support agency i dnt know who to ring if outside uk hopefully one of the others can help there x

https://www.csa.gov.uk/

 

[purpledahlia]

i agree, you need to make some rules and stick to them. He cant just show up and take the baby out for a few hours without you when hes not even been around during the pregnancy..
Like dizzy says.. are u in the UK.. apply to CSA asap and make a will. Make out rules and he has to agree that way its easier if you both know where you both stand etc.

 

[bloodbinds]

Just make sure that you don't take anything out on the baby.

I know a lot of woman who have had problems with there ex's and 'get back at them' but not allowing them to see their child. remember, this child deserves to know and see his father, and no one should stop that from happening. If he wants to see the child, then he should be able to. But make sure he is making payments towards baby as well.

 

[tinkabells]

Yeah i'm doing mine through csa, but not for him to see her, but for him to pay his way xxx

 

[purpledahlia]

I agree with bloodblinds, Im a firm believer in the fact its not fair to badmouth the dad infront of or to the child, let the child make up their own mind, they will decide the same as you for sure. But dont take it out on the dad, just do everything by the books.

 

[tinkabells]

Yep let the LO make there own minds up, cos its not fair on them having to hear that, they need to make there own decision about there dads xxx

 

[suzanne108]

Personally at 2 weeks old I wouldn't want my child to be with FOB on it's own. I wouldn't stop him from seeing LO but I would ask him to come to mine so that I could be there aswell.

Or if you do feel you can trust him to take your son out, why not start with an hour? If he brings baby back on time and sticks to the plan etc then you can build his time up hour by hour.

Hope this helps, I've no idea what I'm going to do myself! Sometimes its easier to think about someone elses situation rather than your own xxx

 

[Rachiebaby24]

Im not a single parent but if i was in your shoes, i would not allow him to take bubby on his own purely because your son is still newborn. I would allow him to cone round to bond with baby.....maybe you can catch up on some sleep for a few hours whilst he bonds with him in the sitting room....??

Regardless of what happened between you it would be good to try and start a civil relationship now baby is here....

 

[Lexi's Mummy]

Im not a single parent but if i was in your shoes, i would not allow him to take bubby on his own purely because your son is still newborn. I would allow him to cone round to bond with baby.....maybe you can catch up on some sleep for a few hours whilst he bonds with him in the sitting room....??

Regardless of what happened between you it would be good to try and start a civil relationship now baby is here....

exactly wat i would say, and did... unfortunately he just wasnt arsed.. Lexi aint missin out on much, but i will never ever mention her dad to her, good or bad, unless she wants to know anything, her dad is a total waste of space and im glad he's not around but lex can and will see that for herself when shes older, unfortunately she's going to get hurt in the process, i know that but its the only way shes going to understand without me looking like the baddy, i will protect her the best i can and i most certainly wont tell her the truth, that her daddy doesnt love her, i'd rather white lie and spare her feelings. just do things as by the book as you can and you can do no more. u can only be there for your LO.. xxx

 

[babyndme]

The thing is he has only been to see him 3times since he was born and only stay for 30min - 1hr, at unsutible times, nd I have to wake LO up 2 see his dad, then i feel guilty about!! which really get's me down, not much time for me to have a bath and relax!! I jusd feel that he's taking me for granted now, and i feel as i have not been able to overcome the birth propperly!! I just feel like my LO is losing out on the father figure he needs. But I would never bad mouth him to LO, as im sure he love's his dad no matter what! Am i doing the right thing by not letting him take him out? what should i do to get him to help me out more??

 

[babybaillie]

I would suggest he comes over for 2 hours to ur home, and even in that time he could perhaps take LO out in the pram for a walk. Build up the access slowly. I pressume hes bottlefed as at 2weeks a breastfed baby couldnt really be away this length of time from mummy