negative feelings towards baby

[Trishee]

I am not sure I am feeling how I am suppose to be feeling. I have a healthy 4 month old, we tried for a year to have him so he was definitely wanted. But I feel like he is more of a chore then anything. I find myself angry with him.
He cries a lot. I wouldn't say he fits the definition of colic, more just high maintenance. If he is not being held and walked around he is crying, which I don't mind doing but it does get old after a while. Every time he cries I just want to yell 'stop crying'. I have found myself having to put him down and go into another room crying myself. I have to constantly remind myself not to hit a baby as he is wailing away for reasons I can't figure out. I would never harm him, but not sure if its normal that I keep having to tell myself that. I thought having a baby was suppose to be this happy wonderful time, and to me it feels like hell. I try to arrange little outings for the baby and I every day so we get out of the house for a little bit, walk around the mall stuff like that, and I feel like my baby is the only one that screams the entire time. I see other people all happy with their nice and content baby.

I have never been a good sleeper, (I was a very frequent ambien pill taker before I got pregnant), so when he wakes up at night, I can't just roll over and go back to sleep, I am up for an hour or more. I don't think I have gotten more than 5 hrs of sleep in 6-8 months, (last few months before the baby I was up peeing all the time). I am getting little to no help from my husband, as he is working all the time. There are days when he doesn't even hold him because he comes home from work after the baby is sleeping, and gets up and goes to work before the baby is up. I am hoping once his work schedule lighten up and he is around to help things will get better. Now that we have the baby I was suppose to be a stay at home mom, but the thought of doing that is awful to me. I want to go back to work and put the baby in day care just to get away from him. We moved to this area 2 years ago, so I have no family or friends around.
Long post I know, but I am just so frustrated I don't know what to do. Any advice or input would be great.

 

[weebubba]

See your doctor. You could have PND and if so it can be remedied quite quickly. It is hard work with a baby especially if you get little or no help. I understand your husband has to work and perhaps you should visit doctors together to see what help is available and get a better understanding of how you feel and what's going on.

Im sure you are doing a great job and I know for a fact it's not just your baby who screams, it just feels that way because you are stressed. Little ones react to your stress too. You are normal in wanting time for yourself whether that's going back to work or something else. Don't feel guilty about it, if it helps to do this then do it as it could be beneficial to you all.

Best wishes and good luck I hope you get a solution soon.

 

[pixiechick]

See your doctor because this sounds like PND. I had untreated PND for about a year and it was bad. I didn't go because I felt ashamed and I was so wrong. I now feel like I lost about 6-8 months of my baby due to these awful feelings I had. Please go and seek help urgently.

 

[Samiam03]

I would definitely talk to a doctor. But I do want to give some advice...my daughter was exactly like this her first 6 months (until she learned to crawl and entertain herself) and what worked for me was babywearing. Is that something you would consider or have tried?

With a sling, wrap, or carrier, you can still hold them but have your hands free to do stuff around the house.

Edit: just to add, I promise the other babies are not calm all the time! My daughter was always smiling when people talked to her And she was content in the carrier...the moment I would come home, all hell would break loose. I also had a little snob who had her baby at the same time who would always try to brag about how good her baby is...whatever. I hear from moms all the time who just join a play group I help run that they were too scared to come for a while because their kid acts up...I just say all kids act up, who cares

 

[calm]

It does sound like PND, don't feel guilty, many women know exactly how you feel, and remember, you won't always feel this way

 

[seoj]

I'm so sorry hun... tbh, I do think this is more common that some people realize. When my bestie had her son- she was SO excited, but honestly, he did have colic and it drove her mad for many many months... she would call me sobbing and broken down because she couldn't "fix" him and she was stressed and it was very hard for her--- but, in time, it did get easier... and he turned into such a wonderful toddler/kid. SO easy. I can only hope the same for you and your LO hun.

I would honestly think if it were me I'd be going a bit out of my mind! I am horrible when I'm tired-- I usually have great patients with LO, but when she has an off night and refuses to go down easily, and I'm stressed or tired, my patients is not as good... I usually have to just leave her alone to cry for a moment so I can compose myself. And those are just off nights with her- if it was a daily (or all day) occurance... I can only imagine my patients would be thin.

As other suggested- maybe your LO just want to be on the go... and is bored sitting around. If this is the case, once he is more mobile- that could drastically change. My LO loved to be faced out- never wanted to be away from things-- and once she could crawl, she was all over! Honestly- it just get's easier and easier as they get bigger and more independent. Sorry no better advise- maybe try baby wearing like others suggested- and know this till shall pass.. in time hun